Happy Blogiversary & Blogkeeping Announcements


Blogkeeping Agenda

  1. Blogiversary
  2. Giveaway Posts

(Warning, this is a “blogkeeping” post, not a real post. So don’t get excited or anything. There aren’t even any poop jokes. It sucks.) 

1. Blogiversary

You know those “blogiversary” posts people write where they navel-gaze and talk about boring stuff that nobody else cares about?

I will now attempt to write one of those posts.   

One year ago today I published my first ever illustrated post. It has the “F” word in it. Just so you know.  

(Wait, that first post wasn’t even actually here, it was on my personal blog. I didn’t start CrappyPictures.com until June and then I moved those first two posts over here. So maybe this isn’t even my real blogiversary. This is the dating blogiversary maybe? Who cares. I’ve already started writing this thing so there is no turning back now.)

Now I am supposed to detail the history. I should be explaining exactly what happened after I wrote that first ever post. How I went from having 17 readers to more than that and all that riveting stuff. (If you were one of those first 17 people to comment on my first illustrated post I owe you a real-life drink.) 

Then I’m supposed to offer wise words of wisdom about my “journey” in blogging to other aspiring writers.

So now I’ve done those two things. Good. 

Then the post finishes up with a few words of thanks.

Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. 

No seriously, this last year has been really, really fun. And I’m still incredibly shocked (in a good way) at the amount and variety of people who read this stuff.

I’m grateful for all of you who keep stopping by. Happy 1 Year Blogiversary! 

This post has too many words and not enough pictures so here is one: 

(Forget it, I didn’t have time to draw one. I told you this post sucks. If I had time I would have drawn you something amazing. Like a giant talking carrot most likely.) 

2. Giveaway Posts   

I’ll be taking a break from hosting giveaways after June. I’m not saying I won’t ever do one again, but they won’t be a regular thing. I’ll be focusing on writing regular posts over the summer. That and focusing on going to the beach and eating frozen things. Very important. 


What is brown and sticky?

A stick!

No, I didn’t write that joke. It is one of my favorites though.

See? No poop jokes whatsoever in this one.

Please tell me a joke in the comments! Hey, it could be a last minute blogiversary present, since you clearly forgot and all. I forgive you.      

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367 Responses to Happy Blogiversary & Blogkeeping Announcements

  1. Julie says:

    That’s one of my favorite jokes too!

    • Jasmine says:

      Me too! And it’s the only joke I can remember well enough to try to tell. Oh I think I just worked out why there are “Dad jokes” and not “Mum jokes” and it’s because we have waaaay too much stuff in our heads without trying to remember jokes.

    • Joanna (@joclairey) says:

      Mine too. Minime is only 14 months.. I can’t wait till she’s old enough to appreciate it.

      My 3 year old nephew does though ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. Carly says:

    Happy Blogiversary! I didn’t start reading your blog until a few months ago because I didn’t know it existed before then lol! I’m not a big blog reader, hey who has time for novella posts? But the first time I saw this blog I fell in love. The pictures, the humor and the “omg someone is spying on me and blogging my life” did it for me. So I’m glad to hear that there will be less giveaways and more posts by you! The other blogs I do manage to get interested in have lately been filled with giveaways or guests posts to the point that the original blogger posts maybe once a month and it isn’t what caught my attention. So I’m definitely looking forward to more of your crappy posts, they are just the best!

    PS: When can we expect a crappy book? Because I’ll be first in line to buy it!

    • Jenni Bennett says:

      I started to write the same exact thing on FB the other day! Amber, when can we expect to see a book from you!? I’ll handle all your publicity… you just get to drawing ๐Ÿ™‚

    • deneen says:

      Ditto what she said!!! BOOK! BOOK!!!

    • amber says:

      Thanks for the book push. I’ll let you know. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • Jay says:


        The other day I was having a look around at maybe printing our family Facebook page into a book. There are lots of apps that do this apparently.

        I came across a website that prints your blog (I am in no way affiliated) called:

        Worth thinking about…..

    • Jamye says:

      psht…I have been pushing and nagging for a book forrrever!!! I think she can also make tshirts of some of the sleeping newborn baby in bed poses bc I can totally relate to the starfish and would totally wear it too. ๐Ÿ™‚ Book and some merchandise, never have to work again!!! I would buy more then one book and give some away as gifts to new moms! I do maternity photography, so I could easily keep you in business with the books. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Ginny King says:

      I’m with Carly! She just typed exactly what I was thinking! I’m so excited there actually ARE more crappy mama’s like me! I was thinking it was only me and Crappy Mama!

  3. katy says:

    What is green and has wheels?

    Grass. I lied about it having wheels.

  4. Glenda says:

    Knock knock
    Army who?
    Army and you going to become best friends?

    Stupid, but it was the last one my 8 year old told me! Happy Blogoverary!

    • Kristine says:

      This remind of my second favorite joke to the stick joke.

      Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
      In his sleevies.

      Only people with a truly developed sense of humor can appreciate these jokes. Either that or people who are severely sleep deprived, drunk or sub ten years old.

  5. Tal says:

    Why do chickens lay eggs?
    Because if they dropped them they’d break!

  6. Angie W. says:

    I can’t think of a joke! At least not a short enough and clean one. I enjoy the sponsor posts but of course enjoy the regular posts more!

  7. When I started a blog I wanted to add pics. But you already did it. And you’re funnier than me. So I’ll just read your blog. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. Liz says:

    Boo, no more free stuff. Just kidding, there are a billion other blogs that do giveaways it is your stories that we all want to hear. I can’t believe you have only been at this a year!

  9. Heather says:

    I feel like Ive been reading this blog since the very beginning before you were all famous but how is it possible it has only existed for a year?! That isn’t boring I do want to hear the story!!

    How many licks does it take to get to the center of the universe?
    Who cares, where is my lollipop?

  10. Angie says:

    What tool do you need for a math test? Multi-pliers
    This one is a big hit with my 5th grader.

  11. Alexa says:

    What kind of bees produce milk?


  12. laura says:

    that is my most favoritest joke ever. whenever my husband says it, I laugh wildly.

  13. Carrie says:

    Two men walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have some H2O”. The second man says, ” I’ll have some H2O too”. The second man dies.

    **H2O2 is Hydrogen Peroxide….And you probably wouldn’t die from it….but it made me chuckle.

    • Dawn says:

      Just FYI, and I know no one asked me, but you can die from drinking pure h2o2 or strong enough solutions of it (you can get 35% at some specialty stores). The typical drug store stuff is usually 3 or 4%, which is just likely to make you vomit. Sorry for delivering an unsolicited PSA! ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Carrie says:

        True, but I am pretty sure you would stop drinking it after .3 seconds. Especially since you wanted water.

    • lisa says:

      Funny joke Carrie!

  14. Dawn says:

    @ Alexa…love it!

    Here’s one my much younger cousin told me when he was 3 or 4 and still had a bit of a lisp. (For some reason it’s even cuter remembering how it sounded with that lisp!)

    Him: “Want to hear a dirty joke?”
    Me: “Uh…okay?” (Oh no! What has my aunt been teaching him?)
    Him” “Four white horses fell in the mud!”

    • Cee says:

      I love it! soooo cute! lol, It will be the joke of my week! Thanks for sharing!

    • kerin says:

      On the “dirty” joke front:

      Wanna hear a dirty joke?

      A pig fell in the mud.

      Wanna hear a clean joke?

      He took a bath with bubbles.

      Wanna hear another dirty joke?

      “Bubbles” was the lady next door!

      HaHa! okay it’s lame-o, but I totally remember it as my first “dirty” joke from childhood. Love it!

    • Maureen says:

      When my daughter started telling me this joke I was worried. “Oh geez, what has her father been letting her watch when I wasn’t looking?!?!” I thought to myself. And then she told me the punchline. I cracked up! Love this joke!

    • amber says:


    • Gina says:

      That one is hilarious!

    • Kay says:

      Love it! When I was a kid that joke was followed up by:

      Want to hear a REALLY dirty joke?
      Two white horses fell in the mud and three came out!

  15. Leah Y. says:

    Why do ostriches have such long legs?
    So their feet can reach the ground.
    Can’t wait for your regular posts…. I never
    win anyway.

  16. Happy quasi-blogiversary! Wishing you many more crappy picture posts… or maybe I’m wishing them for me? Either way :O)

  17. Leah Y. says:

    Oh yeah…. That pic is not of me or my family. My hubby put it there and said it was the dude. I guess from a movie. I’m a mom with 7 kiddos, so that pic has no resemblence to me unless that’s what happens after 7 kids! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • amber says:

      The Dude is always welcome on my blog, even if he shows up unintentionally to disguise a mother with 7 kids. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • Bobbi says:

        Is it possible Leah does NOT know who The Dude is?! Stand proud Leah, you are obviously married to a great man….The Dude Abides.

  18. Jessica says:

    I love your blog – you make me laugh so hard!

    So here’s a joke…Where do kings keep their armies?

    In their sleevies!

  19. Tiara says:

    Happy Blogiversary

    What did the ghost say to the bee?

    Boo Bee…get, boobie, hahahahaha

  20. Elizabeth says:

    Love your blog. Don’t need the give-aways, just enjoy reading your posts!!

    Two bears are taking a shower and one says to the other, “Where’d you get the typewriter?”

    You’re right, that makes no sense. It’s one of those jokes that everybody is in on, except for one poor sucker. You tell it, everyone cracks up, leaving the on poor sucker to think he’s a goof because he doesn’t get it. Get it?

    • Michelle says:

      I love it! … I used to have a joke of this type that I thought was hysterical that no one else “got” … and now I don’t remember it…

    • amber says:

      I remember that style of joke! Our version was that the bear said something like “No soap, Radio.”

      • Christina says:

        That’s the one my family told too! I can remember being super young at the big dinner table at my Grandma’s with aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of family, etc, and everyone laughing hysterically at “No soap……. radio!!!” I can’t remember the actual joke or at what age I actually caught on that it was a trick, but it’s a good memory.

      • Woolies says:

        This was a joke in my family. I never got it, still don’t. I’m an outcast.

        • Andrea says:

          My dad told it as a way to make new people at boarding school embarrassed… an elephant and a hippo are sitting in a bathtub, not just a regular elephant, but an enormous elephant. And not just a regular hippo, but an enormous hippo. So the hippo says to the elephant, “pass the soap” and the elephant says “not soap, radio!” Then everybody “in on the joke laughs, but the trick is it isn’t funny and makes no sense. The new guy laughs to belong and is outed as a follower.

  21. Jill says:

    Just want to say thank YOU for writing this blog! And you stopping giveaways better mean that you will soon let us buy your own crappy products! Or a book?! XOXO

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    You who?
    Yohooo, are you gonna let me in or what?

  22. Happy Blogiversary!

    My five year old made up this one the other day:
    Q “What is the biggest pen in the world?”
    A “Pennsylvania!”
    (Pretty good for a little guy!)

  23. Kassidy says:

    I love this blog. I’m a new-ish reader, but I still think the idea of a parenting blog of what looks like bad MS paint drawings is pretty smart and unique.

    A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “get out; we don’t serve your kind in here.” And the mushroom says, “Why not? I’m a fun guy!”

  24. Rachael says:

    Happy blogiversary! I love your blog and am so glad I found it!

    As for one of my favorite jokes: A guy walks in to a bar. He says, “Ouch!”

  25. Shanna McKinnon says:

    Happy blogiversary!

    I have to say, I did find there to be a lot of sponsor posts… just my opinion =0) I’d rather read the actual posts!

    Here’s my joke…

    How do you make a kleenex dance??

    Put a little boogie in it!

    • Jen G says:

      I just heard this one recently, and my 1 year old will be hearing it repeatedly the rest of his life b/c I think it’s so hysterical!

  26. Cee says:

    Happy Blogiversary. I am a new reader but I love your blog!! Am checking your blog and facebook page on a daily basis. Looking forwards to reading more crappy blogs from you soon. lol.

  27. Gerry says:

    I find your blog hill-lar-ee-ous! Love it!

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Atch who?
    God Bless You!

  28. Lisa says:

    Happy Anniversary!
    What do you call a sexy banana? .. A-PEEL-ing

  29. Abi says:

    Feliz Blog-Aniversario!!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  30. Josh S. says:

    The only problem
    with Haiku is that you just
    get started and then

  31. happy blog-iversary! love your stories!

    two sausages are frying in a pan.
    the first sausage says, “it’s so hot in here!”
    the second sausage says, “ahh! a talking sausage!”

  32. Michelle says:

    Ok, reading all of these awesome comments and corny jokes, I have to add one.

    Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    A: To show the blond how!

    I’d apologize to any who might be offended… except, I know none of you would be because what awesome person who reads this blog gets offended that easily?

  33. Sharon says:

    A skeleton walks into a bar. He says:
    I’ll have a glass of orange juice and a mop.

  34. My girls love this one from a Fancy Nancy book:

    What color is a burp?

    Keep up the good work!

  35. Shelly says:

    Cute jokes! Here is mine: “Did you go to the Antenna’s wedding”? “I heard the ceremony was nice but the reception was awesome”! Teeheehheee

  36. Michelle L says:

    My kiddos fav joke is what room has no door, no floors, and no walls?

    A mushroom ๐Ÿ™‚

    Happy blogiversary!

  37. AmberM says:

    A man walked into a bar. . .and it hurt. Congrats on the blogiversary!

  38. jsavoy says:

    why is the sky blue?

    Because if it was green you wouldn’t know where to stop mowing your lawn.

  39. Frog Mom says:

    Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Ivan who?
    Ivan to drink your blood

    Save it for Halloween!

  40. yael weiss says:

    We came back from the park and my 3-year old told Daddy, “I saw LIONS in the park!”


    “Yeah, Mommy showed them to me.”

    Me: Dandelions (!!!)

  41. Stephanie says:

    How do you recognize Ronald McDonald on a nude beach?

    He’s the one with the sesame seed buns! dadum dum

  42. Meg says:

    Love the stick joke – even right down here in NZ the jokes are the same! And love Crappy Pictures – hope to see you blogging for many years to come ๐Ÿ™‚

    Favourite 8 year old boy joke:

    What’s green and hangs from trees?
    Gorilla snot

    What do you call a deer with no eyes?

    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    Still no-eye-deer

    On that note… Happy blogiversary!!!

    • lisa says:

      Hey Meg, I’m also in NZ
      I’ve also heard:
      What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs that’s bleeding?
      Still no bloody idea.

      Also what do you call a cow with no legs?
      Ground Beef.

  43. Lesa Pinker says:

    Happy blogiversary! Your posts make me nod in agreement. and smile. and sometimes well up a little. Thanks!

    Why does Snoop Dog carry an umbrella?
    Fo’ Drizzle.

  44. Jessica says:

    That’s my husband’s favorite joke too. I hadn’t even ever heard it until I met him. I guess it’s more widely used than I knew. Good to know it has a wider audience than I thought, because it’s a VERY good joke.

    PS I love this blog. I don’t comment much, but I read every single post.

  45. Heather says:

    My love of your blog started with the hilariously illustrated potty-training post (public bathrooms etc)…and I’ve been an avid reader ever since! Happy Blog-iversary!!

    And a lil joke:
    What did the grape say when an elephant stepped on him?
    Nothing. He just let out a little wine…

  46. Jordan McBride says:

    All of my jokes make no sense…
    They’re from the video game world.

  47. Aspen says:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Orange who?
    Orange you glad I didn’t say apple?

    Two guys walk into a bar. You’d think the second one would have ducked.

  48. Beth says:

    My 3yr old son loves this joke:
    Guess what?
    Chicken butt!

    Guess who?
    Chicken poo!

    It gets him every time.

    Love your blog!

    • Liz S says:

      What does it say about me that THIS is the one that made me actually laugh out loud?!?!? Haha! Trying it tomorrow on my little ones. =D

      • krista_s says:

        Warning, once a 3-year old learns this joke, they will repeat it forever. We’re passing the 6 month mark now, and it’s beginning to get just a little bit stale…

  49. Jessica says:

    Okay, my 2 year old’s favorite joke:

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there
    Poop who?
    laugh laugh laugh.
    There, I added the poop joke to your blog for you.

  50. Shelly :) says:

    Happy Anniversary! ๐Ÿ™‚ Here is my joke: What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer? The Space Bar

  51. Cher says:

    Ok… so I am a newer reader/subscriber… I don’t have children. Probably never will… but I love love love your blog, and, of course, pictures. I am mother to none, but “mom” to many, LOL, and I just *get* it.

    I also have 4 dogs, very large ones, and I know it may come out all-offensive sounding to some that I could be comparing kids to dogs: but lemme tell ya, when my 180 pound Great Dane wants in the bathroom (which is whenever I attempt to go there by myself) and I *dare* shut the door, he FLINGS himself on the door, howling and whining… which is SO much better than when it gets… quiet. A sharpie would probably be a good thing to discover after that quiet period… Ahem.

    Anyway, courtesy of my 5 year old adorable nephew:

    Why did the banana go to the doctor?
    Because he wasn’t peeling well!*

    *Insert wildly semi-hysterical kid laughter here. Seriously, the kid cracks himself up.

    Happy Blogiversary. You rock.


    • Madison says:

      My Great Dane won’t let me in the bathroom by myself either! I thought she was a wackadoo our learned it from my daughter! When I take a bath in the middle of the night (cuz lets face it, if you want a quiet, tsunami-less bath where the bathroom floor does not become a swamp, 3am is the only logical answer..) The dog comes in, lays on the floor and puts her head in the water. Quieter, but still not alone lol.

  52. kayk says:

    Yay! can’t wait for MORE PICTURES!!!

    Little boy dressed as a pirate walks up to his dad and exclaims
    “Look I’m a pirate!”
    Dad: “Great! But where are your buccaneers?”
    The boy grins and replies
    “Under my buccin-hat!”

    Sorry sorry sorry :p

  53. Jenni Bennett says:

    Q: Why did the mermaid wear seashells?

    A: Because the B-shells were too small ๐Ÿ™‚

  54. emily g says:

    Happy Crappy Blogiversary!!

    What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

  55. Beth says:

    Why are there gates around cemeteries?

    Because people are dying to get in!

  56. Sandra says:

    Hilarious. While I was out in the 104 heat picking up the last of the dead citrus limbs/moldy fruit, so we could run it all to the dump, my husband, who I left safely sitting in his new recliner watching TV decided to trim his toe nails and cut off of the end of his pinky toe–blood drops everywhere. I can’t think of a joke, but my life is like ‘Crappy Pictures–The Golden Years’. Happy Anniversary.

  57. Shelley P says:

    Here’s my all time favorite joke.

    Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
    A: where’s my tractor!!!

    Hehe! ๐Ÿ˜€

    Happy Blogiversery! You’re awesome!

    • Shir says:

      Hahahahahahahahahahhaha omg I’m reading all these to my husband and he’s looking at me like I’m insane because I laughed the hardest at this specific joke! Hilarious! I’m literally tearing up from laughing so hard.

    • Amber says:

      I once won a radio contest for stupidest joke ever with that joke!

    • Joanna says:

      That’s my favorite joke! No one else ever seems to find it as funny as me. So glad to find some kindred spirits. lol.

    • Rachel says:

      This is the kind of joke you tell the kids after about 10 funny ones and just watch them crack up the most at it… I love it!

  58. Jenny says:

    Happy blogoversary !
    Knock knock?
    Who’s there?
    Dwayne who?
    Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning !
    First joke my crappy girl ever told ๐Ÿ˜‰ I didn’t read
    All posts so sorry if its a duplicate!

  59. Stacy says:

    First off, I’ve been an avid reader since the black widow post, but my favorite is the why I can’t clean the house while crappy baby is up. I think you watch my almost 3 year old sometimes, then go write your blog!

    Second, here is my joke.

    A string walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender tells him, ‘We don’t serve strings in here.’
    The string walks out, dejected, ties himself in a knot, and messes up his ends. He walks back in and asks for a beer.
    The bartender asks, ‘Aren’t you the string that was just in here?’
    The string replies, ‘No, I’m afraid not.’ (a frayed knot, for those who didn’t read it out loud)

    • Annie says:

      LOVE that!! Here is my favourite kid joke:
      What did the zero say to the 8? “Nice belt!”.
      Thanks for all the chuckles (in the blog and these comments! My daughter just called her father at work to tell him the boo-bees joke!!).

    • Susan B says:

      That’s my go-to corny joke! Haha! Love it!

  60. Laura says:

    I’ll give you one of my 4 yo’s favorites:

    Knock knock!
    Who’s there?
    Boo who?
    The flower eating the tree!!!!

    (he doesn’t really understand jokes, but I still laugh, ’cause it’s funny how unfunny they are!)

    • Sasha says:

      LOL my oldest daughter and my youngest daughter both do knock-knock jokes like that one! Glad to know it’s not just my children!
      My joke, given to me by a friend of my daughter: Where to bees use the bathroom? At the BP station!

      • Jen G says:

        I was going to share that one, Sasha…. was scanning to make sure no one else beat me to it…. I used to teach middle schoolers and they secretly loved that joke….

        the BP station …. hahahaha!

    • Michelle D. says:

      My 4 yo’s go something like that…

      Knock knock!
      Who’s there?
      car (or anything else she can think of)
      Car who?
      car joke!

      And this goes on and on and on with any word she can think of. hehehe.

    • Megan says:

      When the boy I nannied for was 2, his favorite joke was “noodle noodle!” He and his friend would just say “noodle noodle!” over and over again, cracking up in between. They were so funny that now it’s my favorite joke, too ๐Ÿ™‚

  61. Andrea says:

    Happy blogiversary Amber!

    Why did the chicken cross the playground?
    To get to the other slide.

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there ?
    Yodelayhee who ?
    I didn’t know you could yodel!

    • Cassi says:

      Oh, wow, this one is astonishingly similar to one I knew as a kid. Only it was “little old lady” and “little old lady who?” (say it fast, lol) Loving reading all these, and wishing I could come up with a good one to share. Amber, you earned a shameless plug on my fb tonight!

  62. Kate says:

    What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

    Roberto. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Michelle D. says:

      My sister just told me this one the other day and I couldn’t stop laughing!

    • Bex says:

      BAHAHAH! I want my husband to come home from work so I can tell him this one. But he will just look at me with disappointment in his eyes…

  63. Alissa says:

    One from a third grader:

    Why is Pocahontas so scary?

    She pokes and haunts us.

  64. Chrizzle says:

    Love that joke! I will have to use it now on unsuspecting kids. Happy one year!

  65. Liv says:

    Happy blogiversary – thanks for making me laugh so much! Most of the jokes I can remember seem to have already been covered, but I can offer the pretty dreadful:
    What did one chimney say to the other chimney?
    You’re too young to smoke.

  66. Kristen M says:

    Happy blog-anniversary!!!

    My sons fav joke:
    Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

    It was the chicken’s day off!

    *crazy hysterical laughing*

  67. lisa says:

    Amber, yours is the ONLY blog I read.

  68. Ioana says:

    Happy 1 Year Blogiversary! (I’m not good at telling jokes, so I’ll stick to the wishes ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

  69. Krista b says:

    JOKE!!! Guess who thinks you look JUST like an OWL?? (whoo??) thats the joke. Gets um every. Time

  70. Sarah Gill says:

    Love ur blog….jokes?? A good joke, sleeping through the night, my shirt staying clean the whole day and only wiping my own butt… ๐Ÿ™‚ that’s a joke to me!

  71. Sabrina says:

    My all-time favorite joke, told by my 80-something year old grandmother-in-law:

    What do you see when you look down a mole hole?

  72. michele says:

    OK, I’ll add one…

    What’s red and smells like blue paint?

    …red paint

    haha, both kids and adults seem to like this one

  73. Shannon says:

    How do you make a tissue dance?

    Put a little boogie into it.

    My four-year-old told me that one, as he was shaking his booty, dancing.

  74. Murphy says:

    Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
    Wherever you left it.

    What do you call an Irishman who likes to stay outside?
    Paddy O’Furniture

  75. Mariah says:

    Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, “Does this taste funny to you?”

    • Karrie says:


      Definitely sending this one to all my friends who have a clown phobia……

  76. Adam says:

    What’s a foot long and slippery?

    A slipper.

  77. Kirsten says:

    Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
    A: Because it was dead.

    Q2: Why did the second monkey fall out the tree?
    A2: Because it was stapled to the first monkey.

  78. Kelly Hall says:

    My son’s favorite:
    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Cargo Who?
    Car go vroom vroom beep beep!

  79. Jacquelynn says:

    What did the fish say when it hit the concrete wall?


    Always makes me laugh (just like this blog!).

    • Audry Messersmith says:

      I always heard it was
      What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?


      Hehe. That’s my fav one

      What do you call a fish with no eyes??


  80. Cass says:

    Best. Blog. Ever.

    What kind of socks do pirates wear?


  81. Alice Rudin says:

    How do you know if there is an elephant under your bed?

    Your nose is up against the ceiling!

    Your blog makes my life a little happier. Thank you.

  82. Steph says:

    How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    Unique up on it.

    How do you catch a tame rabbit?
    The tame way, unique up on it.

    Happy blogiversary! It makes my day every time Facebook says you’ve got a new post. You and the crappy family rock.

    • Lisa says:

      I loved all the jokes posted, but this is my favorite! I told it to my hubby & I are still going around saying “unique up on it” and chuckling. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for the great idea Amber – made my day!

    • Beth says:

      Danggit, I posted this one, too, cause I didn’t read all the jokes first. I LOVE this joke! Seriously, best joke ever from my childhood.

  83. Betty says:

    This is the best blog ever. I’ve been reading since black widow, and my favorite is the “sleeping” mommy post, followed by going out to dinner. Thank you so much for the laughs!

    Why wouldn’t the clam share?
    He was shellfish.

    Why was six afraid of seven?
    Because seven ate nine. (I usually confuse myself and mess that one up)

    The man with five weenies had to get his pants specially made. They fit him like a glove.

  84. Jen says:

    Haha…happy blogiversary!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog…keep ’em coming!!

    So My boys’ two favorite jokes.
    What do you call a stupid cow? Moo-ron

    What do you do if you get swallowed by an elephant? Run round and round until you get all pooped out.

    Yeah….a poop joke!

  85. Aspen says:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Boo who?
    Aww, don’t cry. It’s only a joke!

  86. Kathryn says:

    Happy Happy blogiversary. I love reading you. I have a four-year-old girl and a one-and-a-half-year-old (that’s a lot of hyphens!)boy. I feel like you give crappy pictures to my inner dialogue.

    My mid-sixties-year-old mom told me this one when I called her for mother’s day:
    Q: Where does the bee go to potty?
    A: The BP station.

  87. Laura says:

    i’ve read since the beginning…but was a blog creeper and didn’t comment for a while. not sure how i stumbled upon your blog but i’d just had my daughter so i knew it would go into my Reader immediately. thanks for the laughs over the past year. you’re fantastic.

    also, the stick joke is definitely one of my favorites. classic. knee-slapping “har har har” lame humor at it’s best. love it.

  88. Vicki says:

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To get to your house.
    Knock knock.
    (who’s there?)
    Duh, the Chicken.


    • Beth says:

      That made me LOL.

    • Jeanne says:

      OMG!! FUNNIEST THING EVER! My astronomy class is about to start and I might have to leave b/c I can’t stop laughing. Seriously tears running down my face!

  89. Chris Carter says:

    I can’t believe you have only been doing this for a year (or so)!! Heck, I’ve been blogging for almost two years and barely get comments.. you definately have the greatest blog EVER! You have such a gift Amber! Love your pictures and hilarious take on life as a mother! We ALL get it! Keep the posts coming…always like those much more than the giveaways!!! Have fun this summer!!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  90. Iris says:

    Hooray Happy 1 Year! Lovin’ the jokes, can’t think of one myself but did want to comment and say yours is the only blog I read.

  91. Claire says:

    What do you call an Irishman who runs into a wall?

    Rick O’Shea

    Congrats on one year!!

  92. Linnea says:

    I love you blog, makes me laugh every time!

    Q.What kind of bees make milk?


  93. Kathleen says:

    What’s brown and sticky and smells like fish?

    A fish stick.

  94. Randie Sanders says:

    You’re so awesome! Glad you kept going! My husband and I enjoy your blog often!

  95. Melanie says:

    I love your blog! As a mum of 3 boys (aged 7, 3 1/2, 9 months) it is all too familiar.

    Here is my boys favourite joke (that I tell them!)

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Bumblebee who?
    Bumblebee cold if you don’t put your pants on

    And MY favourite joke/s

    How does Bob Marley eat his donuts?
    Wit’ jammin’

    How do The Wailers eat their donuts?
    I don’t know, but I hope they like jammin’ too ๐Ÿ˜‰

  96. Skye says:

    OK, I’ll keep this joke train goin’: A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. The bartender says, “What’s the steering wheel for?” and the pirate says, “Arrrr, I don’t know, but it’s drivin’ me nuts.” Happy One Year!

  97. Kal says:

    This is my Mr 6’s fave…..
    What do you call two robbers?
    A pair of knickers.

  98. Lauren says:

    What does Jackie Chan order to drink at a restaurant?

    Wa-TAAAAH! (said while doing the appropriate judo chop type motion with hands)

    Totally lost in translation here, but try it in person. ๐Ÿ™‚

  99. Molly says:

    Big joke at baseball theses days with the pee wee boys:
    Boy: why were you under there?
    Me: under where?
    Boy: you said under wear…. And they laugh uncontrollably!

    • Amanda says:

      haha…my 6yo son tells me this one at least once a day. I laugh every time, lol.

    • Maureen says:

      This has been my sons’ new favorite joke and I fall for it everytime. But it’s worth it to hear their uncontrollable laughter.

    • Molly says:

      I go through it 12 times at every game and every time one tells it I have to say it and it never gets old for them they all laugh every time.. 12 times twice a week now.. I don’t think I will ever forget it lol

  100. Melissa says:

    What do you call a cow with no legs?
    Ground Beef! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  101. Melanie G says:

    What does a vegan zombie say?


    • Laura Randall says:

      OK, that one made me snort. ๐Ÿ™‚

      And thanks, Amber – yours is the only blog I love to read – I’d never bothered with any til yours, then yours was so awesome I tried others, but, no offense to them, none have been as great. ๐Ÿ™‚

  102. Carrie says:

    Happy Anniversary!
    What two things do your nose and feet do alike?
    Smell and run.
    (That one’s from an old Limeliters’ album, “Through Children’s Eyes.”
    Ooh. Another from that album:
    What did the painter say to the wall?
    One more crack like that and I’ll plaster you.
    (It was recorded in the 1950’s. These were cutting edge.)

  103. Jen S. says:

    My brother’s favorite joke to tell when he was 5:

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Pencil who?
    Pencil banana head!

  104. claudiia sanchez says:

    Happy blogaversary!!! My daughter was born june 13th las year. And it was around that time I started enjoying your postings. I’ve always had a good laugh reading about stuff my own 4 year old boy has done. Hugs for you and pleaaase keep up this fun stuff. A fan from Guatemala. ๐Ÿ™‚

  105. Laura says:

    Love your blog. Grats on the 1year-ness.
    I used to work in a daycare. When the school aged kids came in, I wouldnt feed them snack until they told me a joke. (Is that wrong?)
    My all-time fave was….

    What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?

    NACHO Cheese!

  106. Kim QoE says:

    My 3 yr old’s jokes:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    *laughs so hard she can’t breathe*

    She has taken to calling everyone and everything peacocks. No clue why but after a couple weeks, this is a pretty funny joke here lol. She’s 3.

  107. Nancy L says:

    The past, the present and the future walk into a bar. It was tense.

  108. Laura says:

    ooooh also – what do you call an empty jar of Cheez Wiz?

    Cheez WUZ

    (hehehe … why are all my jokes about cheese?)

  109. Brandi says:

    Happy Blogiversary!! My 3 1/2 year old and 5 1/2 year olds favorite joke? Knock knock… Who’s there?… Interrupting cow… Interrupting co… MOO!!

    Just for the record, I ADORE your blog… You are literally the only blog that I follow. I live for Tuesdays and Thursdays (ok, so Thursday night is also Grey’s Anatomy night, but still…) you rock my lunch hour 2 days a week!

    Thank you so much for bringing amazing humour into my life… And to many many more blogiversaries!! *raises wine glass*

  110. stephanie says:

    amber, you ROCK!!! thanks for always telling the truth!

  111. Sarah says:

    How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

  112. Sherri says:

    Here’s my favorite poop joke…

    What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?

    A Salad Shooter….

    I just crack myself up with that joke… still giggling, lol!

    Love the blog. Thanks for the great laughs ๐Ÿ˜€

    • Jen W says:

      I immediately sang “Salad Shooterrrrrr” (like the old commercials) – this totally cracked me up!!!

    • Maureen says:

      Ok, this one made me spit out my soda. Now I have to go find wipes to clean my screen. Thanks for the hilarious laugh!!

      • Sherri says:

        Thanks! I usually call it my favorite holiday joke, since they would always run those commercials around Christmas.

  113. Nicole says:

    Happy One Year!!! I love your blog all the way from Oz.

    A horse walks into a bar, the bar man says “Why the long face?”

    A bear walks into a bar and ways “I’ll have a gin and ………………………………………………………………………. tonic” Barman says “Why the big pause” Bear says “Dunno, I’ve always had them”

    And the one that always makes me think of my little brother because he used to tell it over and over and OVER again.
    What’s blue and looks like a bucket?
    A blue bucket.

    • Karrie says:

      In SHREK 2, the bartender asks Donkey “why the long face?” and it gets me EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. hehehehe

  114. Dina S. says:

    Why was 1 afraid of 2?
    Because 3-4-5!

    I explained to my 5 year old how the real joke goes. Her response:

    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7 went “GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!”

    I laughed more at these two than the original joke. I hope she never changes them to the ‘right’ version.

  115. Melli says:

    Happy anniversary!
    I started reading your blog when I was hospitalized in September whilst pregnant with my daughter. Both mum and bub are now fine.
    Thanks for bringing some sunshine to those days.

  116. ErynBob says:

    4yo’s favorite joke:
    What does a duck eat for snack?
    Cheese and Quackers!

  117. Heather Traylor says:

    Why should you not go outside when it’s raining cats and dogs?

    You might step in a poodle.

  118. Delia says:

    Love your blog! It’s all the crap I feel and want to say but don’t have the audience for, hehe. Plus you draw waaaay better than me (I have the art skills of a deranged chimp) ๐Ÿ™‚

    My all time favorite joke:
    How do you catch a polar bear?

    You cut a hole in the ice and line it with peas. When the bear comes to take a pea you kick him in the ice hole!

    Bwahahaha, I love it.

  119. deneen says:

    whats black and white and red all over?

    a newspaper!

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there !
    D-1 !
    D-1 who ?
    D-1 who knocked !

    (oh, and i will not miss the give aways, etc … i just sooo enjoy your blogs and when they are giveaways, well, i feel a bit cheated! Not that i dont appreciate the give aways, i just LOVE your pics and stories! lol! thx again!!! – oh, and i never win anything!!)

  120. Suzy says:

    Two cows are out in the field eating grass. The first cow looks at the second cow and says “Hey– have you heard about that Mad Cow disease going around?” Second cow looks up and says “Why should I care? I’m a duck.”

    Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?
    Because it’s too cold out-tide.

    LOVE your blog. Makes me laugh every time. Keep ’em coming!

    • Cher says:

      Oh, boy… the mad cow one just made me snort. :o)

      I have been coming *back* to this post for days now, looking for more of these jokes. Seriously. Have. Problems.


  121. Emma says:

    Don’t know if you care, but my son is becoming one. A while ago, I was looking for online support for the fact that my son was not sleeping through the night, when I discovered your post on the “typical night” when the boys and the cats kept you awake (still my favorite). I fell in love with your blog that day, and have continued to read it because it helps me look forward to the nice things that are ahead in spite of how hard the present is. Thank you for cheering me up and for making such a blog addict out of me!

    • Joanna says:

      Some kids I know well (ahem) did not sleep through the night for a couple years… but hang in there – it will happen… eventually.


  122. Amberly says:

    why do scuba divers jump off the boat backwards?
    –> because if they jumped forward they would still be in the boat.

    How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    –> two. They just have to find a way in.

    LOVE your post – and would TOTALLY buy your book.

    • Michelle M says:

      LOVE it!!!! That made me spit my drink out. The hubs will crack up at that one! ๐Ÿ™‚

  123. Melonie says:

    I think you’ve made ‘crappy’ the new ‘awesome’ with this blog. Keep ’em coming!

    Why was the tomato blushing?
    Because it saw the salad dressing!

    • Rachel says:

      Cute! Mine will love this because they LOVE tomatoes and are at the age where being naked is funny!

  124. Jen W says:

    How do you know it’s raining cats and dogs outside?
    You step in a poodle…

    So excited for you! Congratulations on a year of hilarious Crappy Pictures ๐Ÿ™‚ You make sooooooo many people smile, laugh, and shoot coffee out of their noses with your hysterically familiar posts. I hope your summer is filled with sand, sun, and frozen drinks with little umbrellas in them… And I hope your nights look like this: http://crappypictures.com/2011/12/happy-new-year.html


  125. Christina says:

    What did the left bum cheek say to the right bum cheek?

    Don’t talk to the guy in the middle. He’s a A*sehole.

  126. Amy says:

    I love this blog w/all my butt!
    I’d say all my heart…but my butt is bigger. ; )

  127. Terra says:

    A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

  128. Shannon Wiedener says:

    Happy One Year!

    Q: Why are there no penguins in the UK?

    A: Because they’re afraid of Wales!

  129. Kiri says:

    Happy blogiversary!! This is the only blog I regularly read, so do lots of my friends ๐Ÿ™‚

    What do you call a donkey with three legs?

  130. Beth says:

    This is literally the only joke I can ever remember, and it is from my childhood (before many fun adult things ruined my short-term memory)…(NOTE: you must say this joke out loud):

    How do you catch a unique rabbit?
    Unique up on them.

    How do you catch a tame rabbit?
    Same way. Unique up on them.

    Ta da! Grade school humor from the 70s at its finest. Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.

  131. Amanda says:

    Thanks for keeping it real! Love, love, love your blog!

    This is my son’s favorite for awhile now…

    Q:Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

    A:He was trying to find Pooh!

    *giggle, giggle, snort, laugh*

  132. fabialous says:

    here is my favorite:
    two cannibals eat a clown. says one to the other: “this one tastes funny.”

    thanks for crappy pictures – it is so much fun to see you are going through the same things every other mama is going through too… and having a 3 3/4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old myself (both girls) really makes me relate… ๐Ÿ˜€

  133. Danielle says:

    Because my brain left me when I became a parent, all of my jokes left my immediate person. Well, except for one. Which I tell so much that people I don’t even see in high school anymore still hear me tell it. To which I reply: “It’s the only joke I remember!” Here it is: A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office wearing nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist looks at the man and says, “I can clearly see your/you’re nuts!” LOL

  134. Marshi says:

    Why was 10 scared?

    Because 7, 8, 9

    (seven ate nine)

  135. Lisa Lutes says:

    Ask me if I’m a tree.
    Are you a tree?

    I had my blogiversary this year… I still only have 17 readers. Recipes aren’t nearly as funny so they don’t tend you go viral. But I’m glad yours did!

  136. kristen j. says:

    I also love this blog. I think ive read a total of 1 giveaway blog of yours. I’m always happy to see a new story from you rather than a giveaway!

    Anyway, this was the funniest joke from my childhood. My moms cousin told me this joke and it still cracks me up.

    What happened to the ntive American who drank six gallons of tea?
    He drowned in his tee pee.

    He always told it as, “what happened to the Indian”, but you know, political correctness and all. Use whichever term suits you!

  137. Samantha says:

    Happy 1 year!
    Kid Joke:
    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Olive who?

    Adult joke:
    A Latino, an Irishman and a blond construction worker were all eating their lunches at the top of a tall building they were working on. The Latino says “Aww burritos again? If my wife packs me one more burrito I swear I’m going to jump off the top of this building!” The others nod, then the Irishman says “Corned Beef? I may end up jumping with you!” The blond opens his lunch and says “I swear, ham and cheese one more time and I’ll follow you guys!” The next day a Latino woman and an Irish woman are distraught at the bottom of the sky scraper, saying “If only I knew! If only he had said something!” However the blond woman shows no distress. When someone asks why she laughs and says “Dumb fool packs his own lunch.”

  138. mel says:

    My son’s favorite:
    How do ducks fly?
    They just wing it.

  139. Jessica p says:

    What did the 0 say to the 8?

    “Nice belt!”

  140. Kelly says:

    What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli?
    Kids won’t eat broccoli!

  141. Joy says:

    Dang, someone beat me to the interrupting cow joke . . .

    Amber, i love your blog! The Mother’s Day one was perfect (I only got 3 out of 4, but I am not about to complain!).

  142. Genevieve says:

    I read your original post on your original blog (which was a pretty fantastic blog by the way) when it was pretty new and hitting facebook like crazy. Thanks for your wonderful sense of humor, I really enjoy your posts!

  143. Natalie says:

    Not sure if this one has come ups before but it is the only one I can ever remember… A horse walks into a bar and the batman says ‘why the long face?’ hope this translates across the ocean!

  144. Peggy says:

    Congratulations! I really do LOL while reading.

    My daughter is 1.5 yrs old and we tried CDing for about a month. We’re thinking about giving it another go whenever we have a second, thanks in part to your giveaways! So, even though I didn’t ever win, you did inspire me to give CDing another try in the future!

  145. Debbie says:

    Favourite little person joke….

    What’s green, and comes out of your nose really fast?

    A lamborgreenie.


    Love your blog, Amber. Even though I don’t have kids yet. Does that make me weird??

  146. Melanie says:

    What did the zero say to the eight?
    “Nice belt.”

    Happy Glyceraldehyde.
    (Damn autocorrect, I mean Blogiversary.)

  147. Jenny says:

    Happy blogiversary! I <3 crappy pictures!

    Here's your gift:
    Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin says "Man, it's hot in here."
    The second muffin says "AAAHHHH!!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

    you are welcome.

    • Matthew says:

      Sorry Jenny, just did that joke with two eggs. I should of read through the comments first.

  148. Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Interupting cow
    Interupting cow
    It’s all in the timing.

  149. Chloe W. says:

    I’ll go ahead and supply everyone’s seven year olds with a new favorite.

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    I’m a pile up.
    I’m a pile up who?

    Read aloud in front of your children, and enjoy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  150. helen says:

    Ok, here is the one I taught my kids
    Knock knock
    Who’s there
    I need a
    I need a who
    You’d better go to the toilet then.

    He he i added a poop joke.

  151. Becky says:

    That’s one of my favorite jokes! I laugh every time. So this isn’t a joke but it is funny. My almost 3 yr old woke me up on Mother’s Day and told me… “Happy Udder’s Day Mommy!” I guess he thinks all I do is nurse his little sister. Love that boy!

  152. Dara says:

    A farmer’s daughter wanted to break up with her boyfriend, so she wrote him a John Deere letter.

  153. Lisa says:

    Finally! My turn! I’ve read every comment checking no one beat me to writing this terrible kids joke.

    By the way, I’m British, so it might not work for an American market because
    A. You need to get into the British mockery of “ze French”
    B. know that a flip flop is a plastic sandal : a la haviana.
    I know the Auzzies call these thongs, which is a whole other problem given that a thong means g-string pant in the UK, oh wait, you all think pants are trousers, I mean underwear. Oh no, I shouldn’t have tried to explain this… Continental misunderstanding doesn’t go with being funny!

    Ok i’ll just give you the crappy joke and maybe someone will understand what I’m blathering on about!

    Oh no I’ve really built it up now and it’s not going to be funny

    Q: what do you call a Frenchman with a sandal on his head?

    A: Phillippe Fill-op

    Ta daaaaa!

    • Emma says:

      Haha… your explanation of the joke made me LOL.
      (I’m a kiwi, so I understand the whole continental misunderstanding thing… we call them jandals).

  154. nina sapir says:

    happy blogiversary all the way from Israel!

    wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke?

    joke, joke, joooooooooke

  155. Kathrin says:

    Looove the boo-bees one! ๐Ÿ™‚

    This is my favourite ever (from a x-mas cracker)
    Q: What does a fish say that swims against a wall?

    A: dam!

  156. stacy says:

    Blogiversary present for you:

    Why do ducks have webbed feet?
    –To stamp out forest fires

    Why do elephants have flat feet?
    –To stamp out flaming ducks.

  157. Mia says:


    The only joke I can every remember is:

    One day a little boy went to the zoo. When he got there, there was just one dog. It was a Shih-Tzu.


  158. Adeline T says:

    The first knock-knock joke I told my daughters (and I re-tell it every time my oldest wants to tell jokes):
    Knock knock,
    Who’s there?
    Lettuce who?
    Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!

    My 2-year-old’s version of the same joke:
    Knock knock,
    Who’s there?
    Nana (or whatever other word she’s heard recently).
    Nana who?
    It cooold! (hunches her shoulders and shivers)

    It amuses us every time! =D

  159. Amie says:

    So many jokes! Thanks for all the great laughs this year!

    The only jokes my kids know (3 and 5 yrs):

    Knock, knock
    Who’s there?
    Jamaica who?
    Ja-makin me crazy!

    What’s the stinkiest number?

  160. NIcky says:

    Happy Blogiversary!

    2 Snowmen are in a field, one says to the other, can you smell carrots?

  161. Samantha says:

    Happy Blogiversary!

    A snail walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The barman says “No we don’t serve snails in here”. He then picks up the snail and tosses him out of the back door. A week later the snail comes in again and says “That wasn’t very nice!”

    Lame I know but a colleague told me it years ago and we made a pact to tell it at every opportunity. It makes me laugh anyway.

  162. Matthew says:

    Two eggs in a frying pan. The first egg says to the other. “Blimey it’s hot in here!” the other egg replies, “Oh my god a talking egg!”

    Two cows in a field. One goes “Mooo” the other says “Oy, I was going to say that!”

  163. Amy says:

    I love your blog! I can’t wait to hear more stories.

    This joke cracks me up every time:
    What is the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it hits the windshield? It’s butt. Hee Hee!

  164. Emma says:

    My daughters first ever joke (which she made up so it’s only brilliant for a 2 yr old) was ‘why did the pirate drop a shoe on his foot?’ ‘because it STINKS!’. Really just shouting the word stinks she thinks is funny.

    And more recently (she’s 3 now) ‘what is in the zoo and wobbles?’ ‘a jelly-fant!’ I’m very impressed if she actually made this up herself but she says she did!

  165. Kim says:


    who’s there?


    impatient cโ€ฆ.


    (you see, the cow was too impatient to wait for the second question to be finishedโ€ฆ.I teach 9th grade, and they always crack up when I tell this oneโ€ฆ. Happy anniversary!)

  166. ST says:

    What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
    A stick.

  167. Alison says:

    Have really loved your blog – I keep sharing it on facebook… my friends with kids love it. The non-kid friends are sick of me

    2 elephants fell off a cliff
    Boom Boom!

  168. Cathy Norton says:

    Congrats on the 1 year. Seems like you have been making me laugh longer than that ๐Ÿ˜€

    Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.

    or my 4 yr olds version – J- why was the coconut wet? Do you know? Me – no I don’t know. Why? J – I don’t know either!

  169. Kay says:

    Happy Blogiversary!
    Here’s one that an 8 y.o. told me this weekend:

    What do you call Bears without ears?

    (I thought it was pretty good…)

  170. Candice H says:

    The first joke my husband told me when we started dating:

    What’s big, red and eats rocks?

    A big, red rock eater.

    That’s when I knew I would marry him.

  171. Sarah says:

    On the same note:

    What’s pink and fluffy?

    pink fluff ๐Ÿ™‚

  172. Jan says:

    Love love love this blog!!! Your humor is dead on and makes me snort on a regular basis! Happy happy blogiversary!!!!!!

    I read every single joke so I know these aren’t duplicates!

    An Irishman living in America always ordered 3 beers at the bar – one for him and one for each of his brothers back in Ireland. One day he only ordered two and the bartender said, “Oh no! Did one of your brothers die?” And the Irishman replied (use thick irish accent), “No… I quit drinkin’!”

    A grasshopper walked into a bar.
    The bartender said, “Hey! We’ve got a drink named after you!”
    The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Ted?!?!”

    Teeheeeeeeheeeeeeeee! Love the jokes!!!!!

  173. Joanna says:

    knock knock
    who’s there?
    Cow says
    Cow says who?
    No, a cow says MOO!

    *this is great for the younger kids who have a hard time with knock knock jokes cause they can repeat and insert a large variety of animals for the cow.

  174. Leigh Ann says:

    What did zero say to eight?

    Nice belt.

  175. Liz says:

    Q. Why should you NEVER take a bear to the zoo?
    A. Because he’d rather go bowling.
    happy blogiversary, amber! keep ’em coming, we love your work!

  176. Natasha says:

    What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

    Anyone can roast beef, no one can pee soup!

  177. Gloria says:

    I first found your blog with the coffee & wine (drugs) bit. OMG… I was in tears… THAT is my life (my girls are 4&half and 2&half) and that is EXACTLY how I survive. Anyways, this is the only joke I can remember:

    Two peanuts were walking in the park at night.
    One was a-salted.


  178. Jennifer says:

    Congrats on year one, may there be many more to come!

    My joke is from my then 6 year old son:
    Where do Italian elepants come from?
    From Tuscany!

  179. Tiffany says:

    Happy blogiversary!

    This is my favorite joke ever:

    Q: Why doesn’t a chicken coop have four doors?
    A: Because then it would be a chicken sedan!

  180. Tina says:

    I love this blog. Its the only one I read regularly. I even liked you on fb so I know when a new one is posted.

    A kindergarten boy tells his teacher he saw a cat on the way to school, but it was dead. “How do you know it was dead”, asks the teacher?” “Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move”, answered the boy. “You did WHAT?!” Exclaimed the teacher. “You know, I leaned over and said pssst and it didn’t move”.

  181. Michelle M says:

    Happy Blogiversary! A friend turned me on to your blog around Christmas – and now I can’t wait to see your posts come across my email!!!

    I have read all the jokes (my crappy boys will LOVE them!), and here’s mine, courtesy of my 8 y/o crappy boy:

    A skeleton goes to see his doctor. The doctor opens the door, takes one look at the skeleton and says, “aren’t you a little late?”

  182. Amy says:

    Great blog! I always enjoy it.

    Favorite knock knock jokes from me and my four year old:

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Boo who?
    You sound like an owl!
    (insert hysterical laughter here)

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Olive who?
    Olive you!

  183. Erin says:

    My mom told me this one when I was young…

    How do you catch a polar bear?
    Well, you cut a hole in the ice, and like it with peas. When the bear goes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice-hole.

    I still giggle when I say it. I have this image of a polar bear dropping trou to go pee and someone roundhouse kicking him in the butt.. ๐Ÿ™‚

  184. Melissa says:

    Love the posts, never win the giveaways so I won’t miss them.
    My girls (4 and 9) are currently OBSESSED with this one.

    Hey…guess what?



  185. Gina Mae says:

    How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    2, the hard part is getting them in there.

    Congrats on your one year ๐Ÿ™‚

  186. ~*~Jes~*~ says:

    Love, love, love reading your posts…even the boring ones! ; )

    What did the fish say when it hit a wall…

    Have a beautiful day! : )

  187. Bricia says:

    What’s a Fish with no eyes?
    a Fsh
    No i’s ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Ashley says:

      This is my all-time favorite joke. I was going through all of them so I didn’t post it as a duplicate. I can’t wait until my 3YO can understand why it is funny. ๐Ÿ™‚

  188. Krisi V says:

    I would like to thank YOU for writing these! I became a new mom on Christmas, 2011. Many times I have been breastfeeding at 3am and caught up on your posts. I LOVE reading them! I get a chance to see what my life will be like in a couple of years. You have helped me adjust with this Mommy thing with a smile!. ๐Ÿ™‚

  189. Nancy says:

    Thanks for all the laughs! I can’t believe it’s just been a year.

    My 10 yr old groans every time I tell this one:

    If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?


  190. amy says:

    Knock knock!

    Who’s there?


    (That’s all, courtesy of The Boy. I think Crappy Children, and possibly Crappy Papa if he’s anything like The Boy’s father, will think this joke is an absolute riot.)

  191. Stephanie says:

    I’m a relatively new reader, and you’re posts make me laugh every time. Happy blogiversary, and keep it up!

    Why did the squirrel cross the road?

    To show the chicken he had guts! (my 8 year old’s absolute favorite!)

  192. Deborah says:


    Our 3 year old’s favourite one right now:

    Knock knock
    Who’s there?
    Fart and smell.
    Fart and smell who?
    I stink!!!

    Go figure.

  193. Donna says:

    Happy Blogiversary! My husband & I enjoy your stories & can relate to a lot of them (we have 18 mos. old boy/girl twins). Keep ’em coming!

    My joke contribution: How does Batman’s mother call him for supper? ‘Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner BATMAN!’

  194. Desiree says:

    Happy Blogiversary!

    My kids are really into Knock Knock jokes right now. This one comes up often because my 5 year old can actually remember how to tell it correctly.

    Knock Knock
    Who’s there?
    Cash who?
    I knew you were nuts!
    (cashew…get it?)

  195. Abbie says:

    This is the only clean joke I know.
    A carrot and a potato are out for a walk when they get hit by a car. The potato wakes up in the hospital. He looks over at his friend, the carrot, in the next bed. The carrot is attached to all kinds of machines and tubes. The potato looks at the nurse. “Is Carrot okay?” “I’m sorry,” says the nurse, “you’re going to be fine, but your friend is going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.”


  196. Wendy Irene says:

    Happy Blogiversary Amber! Thank you for enriching my life with laughter!!

  197. Becky says:

    My daughters favorite (and only memorized) joke.
    Knock, Knock
    Whoose there?
    Dwayne Who…
    Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning.

    On second thought, this joke is sort of dark. ha! We can thank my husband for teaching that one.

  198. tiff says:

    Here since the beginning:]
    My old fave, the lack of sleep/ breastfeeding one where you return to the bed to find crappy baby has turned into a starfish:] goooood times !
    Couldn’t help but rofl, I was in the same boat. Cat and all

  199. Jessica says:

    This one is my 3yo sons favorite:

    What does a tooth say when it sneezes?


  200. Grace says:

    Wow, has it really only been a year? I feel like you’ve been making me laugh forever! De-lurking to share some of my favourite terrible jokes.

    What do you do if you see a spaceman? Park in it, man.

    Two fish are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, “How do you drive this thing?”

    A dsylexic man walks into a bra.

    There was an old man of Peru
    Whose limericks were really Haiku.

    There are many more where those came from!

  201. Sonia says:

    Here is a truly tasteless joke that makes me giggle every time:

    What has 9 arms and sucks?

    Def Leppard

  202. Bex says:

    Why are pirates called pirates? Because they AAARRRH!

    What’s brown and sounds like a bell? Dung

    What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot

    What’s green and sings? Elvis Parsley

    Where do fish keep their money? In a riverbank. (That last one my 2 1/2 year old got in her xmas cracker and has proceeded to tell it to everyone ever since. If there are 3 people in the room, she will tell it 3 times. To each of them).

    Keep up the good work Amber, you’re the Shakespeare of Parenting ๐Ÿ™‚

  203. Melissa says:

    Two goldfish are in a tank.

    One says you drive, I’ll man the guns.

    Thank you for the constant laughs. I love the blog-Have a great blogiversary ๐Ÿ™‚

  204. Jessica B says:

    Happy Blogoversary!
    My brother’s go-to joke when he was “that” age:

    A snail walks into a car dealership and asks the salesman “if I buy a car here, will you paint a big letter S on the side?”
    The salesman says “well sure we can do that, but why?”
    “Because when I drive down the street, I want people to say ‘Look at that Es-car go!'”

    Cracked him up every time…

  205. Heather says:

    New fan of your blog!
    My son LOVED this joke when he was younger and told EVERYONE he met for weeks….

    You go into the bathroom an American and you come out an American. What are you while you are in there?


  206. Sara says:

    I moved from Oregon to the Midwest 3 1/2 years ago and greatly miss the beach and frozen things! Way more important than staring at a computer screen. Take a trip for me!

    And now a blogiversary joke: why do seagulls fly over the sea? Be sauce if they flew over the bay they’d be a bagel. (didn’t write it either but it’s way better than a 4 year old muddling up a knock knock joke ๐Ÿ˜‰ )

    • Emma says:

      A classic New Zealand joke, but you could alter it for any geographic rivalry…
      Why do seagulls fly upside down over Australia? Because it’s not worth sh*tting on!!

  207. Holly Stewart says:

    Here’s my husband’s favorite joke, read it out loud:

    What do you call a fish without an eye…
    A Fsh!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  208. Parker says:

    Congrats! Wow, one year already! You are still the best. Ok, lets see, a poop joke.
    How about
    What’s brown, smelly and sits on a piano?

    Beethoven’s last movement.

    Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

    He was looking for Pooh!

    Hope nobody else already put those. They might have, they are classics.
    Thanks again for all your hard work.

  209. ::jaw drops::

    To the best of my knowledge, my friend’s son totally invented that ‘brown and sticky’ joke. Unless someone else in the 300+ comments above claims to have heard it more than 5 years ago, I can honestly say I was THERE when that joke was created. I hafta tell Jamin about this!

  210. julie says:

    what does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

    they lie away all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

  211. Laura says:

    What happened to the man who fell through the screen door?

    He strained himself.

  212. Sara says:

    I’m a crappy addict. I really love your crappy blog because I totally relate. I love that you’re just like me, living the dream, thinking the same thing as me. It’s like we’re twins. Except you have crappy pictures. And a crappy blog. And lots of crappy fans. And I …wait a minute.
    My fav joke – how do you catch a polar bear? You cut a hole in the ice, and pour out a can of peas next to the hole. When the bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ice hole.
    Happy blogiversary! Hope you liked my gift! No, you can’t return it.

  213. BJ says:

    Sorry Jen (at 11:35) I heard that joke about 15 years ago. Maybe there is something fishy about brown sticks which make us think ‘aha, a great subject for a joke!!’.

    What do you call a man with a spade? Doug
    What do you call a man without a spade? Douglas

    Happy Blogaversary to you, and may the crappys live long and prosper!

    • Emma says:

      Whoops, should have read to the end before posting my comment – I had almost the same joke!

  214. Jessica says:

    Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
    Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. ๐Ÿ™‚

  215. Emma says:

    What do you call a man with a shovel on his head?
    – Doug.
    What do you call a man without a shovel on his head?
    – Douglas (Doug-less).

  216. Charles says:

    I am a first time reader of this very funny blog, here’s my joke:

    What did people think when whiteboards were first invented in the late 1960s? They thought they were ‘remarkable’.

    Keep blogging with crappy pictures.

  217. KiwiBunnz says:

    What is red and invisible?
    – No tomatoes

    ๐Ÿ™‚ Good on ya mate ๐Ÿ™‚

  218. Deanna says:

    Happy Blogiversary! I am so thankful for your blog. You ALWAYS make me laugh. To the point now that whenever my husband hears me belly laughing at the computer he’ll ask, “What’s her story today?” So many times your stories reassure me that I’m not the only one going through the ups/downs & insanities of life. It’s nice to know that others are experiencing and doing the same thing! You’re the best!

  219. Cat says:

    My favorite joke is still “Two men walk into a bar and the third one ducks.” Always funny.

  220. Amy says:

    So maybe you already got this one but there are 360 comments and I can’t be reading all of them. Who am I, you? Clearly not.

    Here goes:

    “Knock knock.”

    “Who’s there?”


    “Nobody who?”



    You’re welcome.


  221. Jason Good says:

    I was hoping you might get tender for just a moment.

  222. Elsie says:

    Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
    He didn’t have the guts!