Halloween (and being good, protective parents)

I love Halloween. A lot of people hate Halloween but those people are lame.

One of the reasons it rocks is because it shows what good, protective parents we are. 

Anyway, the holiday hasn't happened this year yet, which is unfortunate because this means I can't tell you about it. Because it hasn't happened yet. By the time it does, it will be next week. And then talking about Halloween will be so last week and that is just uncool.

So I'm just going to have to tell you about Halloween last year. Here it goes…


We're in the week leading up to Halloween. We have no costume for Crappy Boy. We can't buy him one either. We can't buy him one because the costumes he wants are not buyable.


Halloween1When I confirm what it is he wants to be…


It is entirely different each time.

After carefully considering nearly every household object, he finally settles on a fictional character called the Leaf Elf.  

I search at store after store, "Do you have the Leaf Elf costume?" and nobody has it in stock! It might be because the Leaf Elf is a fictional character that I made up for a bedtime story. But I think it is because they just don't have much of a selection this close to Halloween.   

So I'm stuck making it.

The night before Halloween. Hey, I'm not going to risk making it in advance and then have him change his mind again. No way.

So Halloween arrives! 

Isn't Halloween weird? What are we teaching our kids with this holiday?

We're teaching them to disguise themselves, knock on doors demanding things and to accept candy from strangers. 

That's cool. 

So they go to the very first house, knock and yell "Trick or treat!". 

An elderly lady opens the door and puts candy in their bags.

Crappy Boy is already dashing off yelling "Next house!" while Crappy Baby is heading inside the house. 

This leaves Crappy Papa and I frozen for a moment, torn between running after the boy yelling "Wait!" who is halfway down the block in search of houses with signs of "Halloween friendliness" and retrieving the baby who is wandering around in the dining room now, looking disappointed by the lack of toys.

After that first house we assign jobs. I'm on house baby retrieval and he is on chasing duty. Things go smoothly.

A few blocks of houses behind us, Crappy Boy says his bag is heavy. 

Which means it is time to go home. He is thrilled to go home. We told him he couldn't eat any of the candy until we get home. So home = eat candy.

We get home and pour out the contents. Crappy Papa and I sift through it, weeding out the ones with razor blades and needles, and then give him the rest. 

Wide-eyed, he caresses his candy treasure. Gingerly picking up each piece and asking us what it is called.

Eventually, he eats a few.

And he breakdances. For an hour or two.

Once he crashes, we put him to bed.

A long and tiring night behind us, Crappy Papa and I meet up in the kitchen.

Not only do we have all the candy that Crappy Boy collected, but we also have all the candy that Crappy Baby collected. And he doesn't eat candy. 

Would you say we have a plethora of candy?

Oh yes, we have a plethora. 

Now, I've tried those "you can trade your candy for a toy" offers and Crappy Boy does not fall for it. I am not going to just take it away either. 

But I really don't think he needs all of it. Especially multiples of the same thing.


Fortunately, being good parents and all, we've found a way to protect our son from the evils of too much candy. 

Because some candy he just should not eat. 



Halloween14Oh, the things we must do to protect our children… 

Have a Happy Halloween!


This entry was posted in crappy pictures, holidaze, parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

131 Responses to Halloween (and being good, protective parents)

  1. road2vba2c says:

    SO glad I’m not the only one who sends their babies out to Trick-Or-Treat knowing well that they will not be eating said candy!

  2. Anonymommy says:

    I love the Three Amigos reference!

  3. Peter says:

    Thanks to that Three Amigos reference you have elevated your status to MILF.

  4. Katie says:

    Oh that is so true! I laughed so hard I almost cried just now.

  5. Wanda says:

    LOL this is GREAT! I’m laughing my butt off at work at the little baby going in the house and the razor blade part.

  6. Mikayla says:

    This is so true, it’s SCARY!! LOL! Can’t wait to take my own boy and baby out this year!

  7. Sarah says:

    lol, I always eat my boys candy at Halloween…Actually to be fair, I eat it when ever they get any, any time of year šŸ™‚ I don’t think they should get sweeties!! That’s how much of a good parents I am, saving them from the eveil of sugar!! LOL


  8. Paige says:

    My husband and I were just discussing how awesome it will be to have a child old enough to look cute as crap, but officially too young to have candy. There was evil-genius laughter involved. (P.S., your blog is awesome, and I whore it for you often.)

  9. MamaCass says:

    This is the exact reason I decided to take my first-born trick or treating when she was 8 months old šŸ˜€ Her nickname that night was Candy Bait.

  10. Amber Dusick says:

    That is what babies are for! I’ll be a little sad when the little one eats candy and I’ll have to buy it if I want any. The end of an era.

  11. Erica says:

    LOL that is one of the perks of parenting šŸ˜‰ Sometimes, if we get home early enough, we dump the “reject” candy, you know the ones we don’t want to eat but there’s still WAY too many to let the kids keep, into a bowl and pass it out šŸ™‚

  12. Amber Dusick says:

    Yay! I’m so pleased you spotted it!

  13. Amber Dusick says:

    Thank you for the whoring. šŸ˜‰

  14. Rainyday says:

    I’m worried that at 3 & 5 (and especially a very math-advance 5 yr old) the boys are going to question why their candy is subtracting when they sleep. *sigh*

  15. Tabatha says:

    ROFL and I love Candy Bait!

  16. What’s funny is that I made my boys elf hats exactly like the ones in your picture (only red, ‘cos they’re going to be garden gnomes this year…), and then realized that, hey, that’s because I found the pattern on that other site you contribute to! (and also used a modified version of the “pirate” shirt as well for their costume top– hey, it looks sorta gnome-y, right?)

  17. Desiree says:

    Ooooo I am so trying the toy offer! Oh please tell me it will work for my son!! Mine are 2 & 4 and I have to do it solo so daddy can sip beer and hand out candy :p But at least at 2 he should be eager to get more candy too and not walk into the houses like last year.

  18. so true! we only do our street with my daughter who is going to be 3 at the end of November. But I remember when i would go out, when I got back we would sort all the candy, and then my mom would divide it in half.

  19. Amber Dusick says:

    Wow, for real? That makes me feel very prolific. šŸ™‚

    (and I love the idea of a garden gnome costume!)

  20. Pouty says:

    my hubby is the official saver of small child. i weed out all the acceptable candy for the boy, place in a bucket & then put all the other “unacceptable” candy in another bucket for hubby, which he then takes to work & shares w/ his construction buddies. thankfully, my small boy doesn’t seem to be too big of a “candy whore” (yet)!

  21. E says:

    A couple of Halloweens ago we ran out of candy, but the kids kept on coming. So I started giving out small toy spiders. I swear, they were a bigger hit.

    PS: I don’t live in California, please don’t ban me from reading your blog.

  22. Emily says:

    I made the mistake of sticking her bag up on a high shelf and letting her pick out 1-2 candies a day. First, it makes them expect candy. Every day. Not a lesson or habit you want them to have. Second, it lasts ALL YEAR LONG and soon you’re breaking their teeth on old candy.

    Now I convince her to share with everyone who comes over until it’s gone, and she’s just sweet enough to do it. I doubt the boy will be as sharing with his candy.

  23. Jill says:

    Love it! This will be the first year my son gets to go trick-or-treating and I have a feeling he won’t be getting much of his candy either!

  24. Loved the sketch with the baby disappearing into the house… Thanks for another LOL entry! You have the BEST mommy blog ever! šŸ™‚

  25. Addie says:

    Blame it on the Tooth fairy – she not only collects teeth (which, by the way, is creepy) but steals candy to protect said teeth so that they will remain intact. Right?

  26. Brandy P says:

    We have the candy tax at our house, paid in fruit tootsie rolls, twix and kit kats šŸ™‚

  27. Addie says:

    I much admire the creative Halloween Eve sewing project. You are a better mom than me – one year I convinced my son that wrapping him in aluminum foil made him look like a robot (it didn’t). We also did the old-sheet-with-holes-for-eyes ghost costume (FYI it was a fitted sheet – thus looked more like Pillsbury Doughboy than ghost). Now I buy costumes.

  28. Meghan says:

    I know! I’m SO excited to have a baby this year old enough to take out, but too young to eat any of the candy. Also, I’m pregnant so I obviously need lots of candy right now.

  29. I wasn’t going to take my 16 month old Trick-or-Treating, but I now realize I am sitting on a candy cash cow! This can be her way of paying me back for the 3 hours of pushing.

  30. Rebecca says:

    My baby is going to his first Halloween party next week. He will be dressed as a spider (shop bought, I don’t do sewing) and I have been charged with the task of making the pumpkin soup for the mummies…

    …I’ve just been and bought three tubs of pumpkin soup which I am going to pass off as my own.

    Now THAT is crappy parenting.

  31. Annie says:

    YES!! That was my favorite too. I have a 1 & a 4 this year, I am glad I read this pre-trick or treating for the heads up on the little on walking into houses.

  32. Andrea says:


  33. Amy G. says:

    laughing hyseterically (like always!!) love it!

  34. ammie says:

    I so totally do that too.

  35. BigMama says:

    Yeeeeaaah… We tell her from the gate that she has to share. We’re a family after all… And families share with their not-cute-enough-to-trick-or-treat-paren—..errmm… Families. (sounded good in my head). Usually we pick out the chocolatey ones while she sleeps. I dont mind smarties or skittles or tootsie rolls… But chocolate is a no-no… Its not a nono for ME though… Which could possibly be why my shorts are wider than they are long… Just sayin.

  36. I tried only buying nasty candy I never would eat to avoid binging on the crap pre- Halloween night. That of course only leads to me stealing all their good stuff when they get back, which of course cause s hysteria from the kids. My lowest Halloween moment was one year offering money 3 for 1 trade ups to all the kids that had take 5 bars. If you don’t know what a Take5 is. Go now. See it.
    It. Will. Change. Your. Life.

  37. Dani G says:

    Yes, we have a plethora, El Guapo!

  38. We are horrible. I take my twin boys out trick or treating early (because bedtime is at 8) then get them home and put them to bed as fast as we can. After that the hubs and I raid the candy for all the good stuff and turn around and hand out the rest when the trick or treaters come to our door! Saves us from buying candy and having the rest sitting around the house! (except the good stuff)

  39. Laura says:

    I guess that makes me a “lame” follower of your blog, then…

  40. kjh says:

    In our house, we call it the mom and dad tax. It also applies to french fries.

  41. Theresa says:

    We have a local dentist who pays $2 a pound the day after halloween for candy. Lucky for me, my son is waaaaay more into stockpiling money for legos than eating candy – Saves his teeth AND my waistline šŸ™‚

  42. Jamie says:

    So funny. And can I just tell you I think it’s hilarious you only have one strand of hair? lol

  43. Kimberly says:

    I had to make a Halloween costume for my stepdaughter (pre-my kids) one year. The god step-mommy I am I made her a ‘doggy wearwolf’ costume. I’m NOT a sewer – it came out crooked and looked like she was waiting for a flood, but she loved it : )
    (ps – lessoned learned – I will never do that again)

  44. Kimberly says:

    (oops – I meant “good” stepmommy, not “god”…not to compare my wonderful momminess to godlieness, but…. ; )

  45. Trish says:

    We let ours pick out about 10 pcs to keep. Then the rest is left on the back porch for “The Great Pumpkin” to come and take to kids who didn’t get candy. šŸ˜‰ Then The Great Pumpkin leaves a special treat (a.k.a. Book) in exchange for all the candy. You know, the gummy stuff and Palmer chocolate coins that taste like soap. Not the stuff we protective parents have hidden in the cabinets for ourselves!

  46. Corinne says:

    LOL! I love eating my kids candy…why else would we take them out.

  47. My daughter (11) has this little safe that she now keeps her “good” candy in…I am pretty sure I could crack the code if I needed to! Luckily both kids have somewhat poor taste in candy, and there are some things they blindly hand over to my drooling self. The rest they count and categorize and then count by category–just freakin eat it already…before I do (last year’s count…over 150 pieces…EACH!)

  48. Kim says:

    When my son was 2 and a fireman, he walked right into a house down the street. I stood there frozen for a split second, not sure what to do “hmm, do I just bolt in to their house and grab him? do I stand in the doorway calling him as he is turning a corner into the other room?” The woman at the door laughed and called her brother, a real fireman, to come into the room. At that point my son was in awe, followed him to the door as the entire family ooh’d and ah’d, and we made our exit. This wasn’t the only time he tried this, but I got better with my ninja reflexes and could usually stop him before he dashed in.

  49. You should just instate the candy tax. You’ve never heard of it? Well, my mom said it was the law…crap.


  50. Jen W says:

    My third baby is due in a few weeks, and I am officially waaaay too pregnant to read your hysterical blog… The Three Amigos reference made me laugh so hard I had to do the walk of shame to the bedroom and change my pants :/

  51. Jen says:

    If it wasn’t for kids trick or treating how in the world would there be any candy in this house?

  52. Ceri says:

    mmmmm fruit tooties rolls, twix and kit kats. can’t. wait. for. halloween. candy tax expected to rise this year for sure!

  53. kim says:

    Too cute!!!
    You’re supposed to take an extra bag though – so it’s not too heavy. Which of course, also give Mom the opportunity to pilfer the full spare bag, while the kid gets the lighter almost empty bag. Which means we get first pick of the best candy – and they never know!!!! šŸ™‚

    I have one favorite candy (Banana Laffy Taffy) from way back in my childhood. I used to love it when my sweet little daughter would gather up all her Banana Laffy Taffy and bring it to me because it was mommy’s favorite…

  54. kim says:

    I grew up knowing Halloween and Easter were those two days of the year that anything pretty much goes. We got to eat so much candy we made ourselves sick. I grew up way up north, so Halloween was always cold – so it was hurry up, get it over with, then go home & sort out your loot.
    Down here (Texas), the party starts w/ the first house. The weather is usually beautiful and finally not too hot, so grown ups are out strolling & visiting while our kids are bringing us lots of candy to carry so their bags don’t get heavy, we’re all picking out the good stuff and eating it while we walk… It’s just way different down here.

  55. Denise says:

    LMAO. The house-baby retrieval reminds me of trick-or-treating w/ my then 6yo and 2 yo…she would wander into houses (2 yo) and then proclaim them stinky from smoke or animals. I was amazed and appalled at the same time LOL b/c she was spot on. This post made me LOL šŸ™‚

  56. I saw those too! I had no idea you helped out with that site šŸ™‚

  57. Wendy says:

    I have an eight month old and am suddenly feeling rich in candy! Why did I not think of getting her her own treat bag? Is it tacky to put a sign reading “trick or treat” around her neck?

  58. D says:

    Do you secretly hide out in my house to get all of these stories? Sometimes I feel as though you’re narrating my life. We have a 3 year old girl who wanted to be a wand, Donkey from Shrek, a spider, and Buzz Lightyear. she finally settled on Pinkalicious.

    Now that we’ll have 2 Trick-or-Treaters this year (18mo and 3 yrs), I was just wondering the other day how we were going to handle the baby-intruder and the take-candy-and-dash-er.

    Oh, and my husband and I will definitely be testing the candy for quality after the kids go to bed.

  59. Rebekkah says:

    Every year we hide the Halloween candy bags after about two days of “candy-hyper” children. It never fails. The “new candy” goes where the old 4th of July parade candy was. We throw parade candy away, hide Halloween candy then Christmas comes. Guess what happens? We forget until we go to hide the Christmas candy (nasty candy canes, why do I buy those?). Then comes Valentines Day and Easter…sheesh!

  60. See, I have a dilemma right now. Free candy, that I get exercise while collecting, sounds like a great idea. But my son is only 9 months old, and everyone will know that he is just candy bait. My question is, is his cuteness able to make up for that obvious fact? Maybe if I dressed the uber friendly dog up too?
    (for reference to see if the cute is cute enough: http://squidgeletboss.blogspot.com/ )

  61. Andrea says:

    Brilliant, the Tooth Fairy took it. I’m curious to see how that would influence my 6 year old son’s wavering belief of her. Might be a fun little experiment to throw that one out there and see how he responds….

  62. Jenn says:

    Hahaha so very, very true…

  63. Cat says:

    I just wanted to pip in and say that I too LOVE Halloween. And that a few years ago my foster daughter wanted to be a lamp for Halloween (I had told her she could be anything she wanted…she hadn’t really done the Halloween thing before and she was 5). Anyways, we dressed her up as a lamp including a real working light and a plug tail. We took her to the local costume contest and guess what….she WON first place. So Lamp costumes are doable and cool!! šŸ™‚

  64. Amber Dusick says:

    Not one person going to say, “hey, that baby doesn’t eat candy!” They will be hypnotized by his cuteness powers. You could probably take the whole bowl and then run. The dog could help.

  65. Alicia C. says:

    Oh, you just tag along with some other kids and make it look as if they’re your kids. That way you have the veil of being their mom, too, and you have to dress up baby to go out!

  66. Amber Dusick says:

    šŸ™ Sorry Laura. I knew there would be somebody. I’m sure you are unlame in many other ways. We can just avoid each other on Halloween.

  67. Amber Dusick says:

    Not so sure I want my life changed by this. Your junkie behavior with your trade ups makes me a little wary of the addictive properties on this one! (And of course I’m hoping they get one of these suckers now)

  68. Marija says:

    Add bitter cold for here in Canada, and we have it the same. Plus every-year storms over my daughter (now 5) wanting to look like princess (see, mom, they don’t have sleeves) or Ariel Mermaid (complete with swim suit on close-to-freezing temperatures). Plus some “wardrobe malfunctions” when my daughter with crinoline under her dress not being able to scale stairs in front of the house; or my boy in zip-up Pokemon overall having to go to the potty hour away from our house…
    Doing all the same – including Candy Bait with my then 8 months old baby dressed in baby blanket with bunny ears. Buy-out of candy is rule in my house too, I allow them as much as they want to eat that night (which surprisingly amounts to 4-5 candies, they get sick of it much sooner than I expect/fear) and everything else is bought at quarter per 4 pieces. Then it is trip to Lego shop or bookstore the following day. And candy gets to our workplace – I look like a saint for giving candy for no reason, and our teeth are saved.

  69. Marija says:

    And the most precious part is look at face of lego cashier, when my son hands him 2487 quarters…
    Better start collecting quarters now!

  70. K says:

    I got a kick out of this post!! Been there… done that… ate the baby’s candy. lol

  71. Betty says:

    That’s exactly what happened last year! Toddler walked right into the first house! Luckily older brother was 9 and didn’t run off. Our little one has a dairy allergy, so I guess that means we’ll be forced to eat the chocolate. To protect him. And the older one. Yeah.

  72. Gretchen says:

    Been there. You are so not alone.

  73. Gretchen says:

    Our two oldest are teens now, and when they were little we would put all of the candy in a communal family bowl. Eventually, they started wondering why they could couldn’t keep what they “earned” and that era came to a close, but it was good while it lasted. They do, however, take pity on their poor parents and let us take a few of our choice. The younger two kids 9 and 4) are still very generous, though. Sometimes without even knowing it. šŸ˜‰

  74. Kelli says:

    My daughter was a lamp for halloween in kindergarten. Awesome.

  75. Shannon says:

    Leaf elf, haha! That’s what you get for encouraging that measly little 1% magic he inherited from you, Amber! šŸ˜‰ I hope you all have a wonderful Halloween, and anything you come up with is bound to be funny enough to warrant posting, even if it IS sooooo last week.

  76. Kim says:

    My dad instituted a game/life lesson on Halloween called “tax man.” He would stand over our candy and say “tax man” which meant we had to hand over a portion of our loot. (All the Snickers Bars) It backfired in that I grew up having an acceptance of taxes and am a Democrat, much to his chagrin. I will also be playing the tax man game with my children.

  77. Francesca says:

    I’d forgotten about the walking into houses thing. My older daughter would do this. She still loves going into other peoples’ houses if they’ll let her.

  78. Nikki O says:

    Our three-year-old has Celiac disease, and we discovered this in the summer before her first trick-or-treat experience last year (we were too lazy to use her for candy when she was a baby … all that dang walking! lol). Wonderful parents that we are, we were REALLY hoping she got a lot of gluten-filled candy so we could rescue her from it with even more self-righteousness than the average saving-her-from-sugar parents. We were going to save her from gluten, a substance that causes her intestines to attack themselves. Pretty much making us superheroes.

    It’s truly sad how much of the good Halloween candy is gluten-free.

  79. Last Halloween my kids totally went into an elderly lady’s house too! My daughter came out sporting a new hot pink and purple glittery hand-made scarf! That I now use! Craziness. Glitter anything is ALMOST better than candy… well, definitely better than the crappy candy, anyway.

  80. Anne says:

    What was the Three Amigos reference?

  81. Kate says:

    Me too, hate Halloween but usually love this blog

  82. Kate says:

    Ooops! Totally accidentally linked tof the wrong flowers family blog!

  83. Amber P says:

    my kids actually DO go for the Halloween Candy Fairy who comes and exchanges their candy for a toy (they get unlimited eating right after trick or treating but then the rest gets left for her- the more they leave- the better the toy)- sadly that leaves all the yummy candy for daddy and I to covertly devour- I love the Halloween Candy Fairy;)

  84. Dara says:

    The plethora part.

  85. Dara says:


  86. Rebecca in ID says:

    I was very sad the year I realized that my oldest daughter was organizing and counting every piece of candy, and she remembered how many she had of each. Nothing could get by her. I think she had turned six or seven that year. So now I have to just be honest with myself and buy an extra bag of almond joys. I remember when she was 1.5, and I was still a Good Parent who hadn’t given my baby sugar, she went trick-or-treating with grandpa and some neighborhood kids, brought the candy home and laid it all on the floor, admiring it. She had no idea about the sweet stuff inside, and I didn’t disabuse her of her ignorance. I ate it whilst she slept. The rest of the kids, on the other hand, knew all about the goods by the time they were eight months old.

  87. Wolfy says:

    Oh heck no!! They still bring home more than enough to go around! You’ll still get to munch. :0)

  88. diana says:

    Last Halloween was the first time I took my then 3 year old out. Boy did we end up with a TON of candy! It happened almost by accident, but one night while I was packing my husband’s lunch our son wanted to share a treat with daddy, so every night after that we made it a game picking out a special treat to put in daddy’s lunch so he had a surprise waiting for him. It worked out rather well I’d say! šŸ™‚

  89. diana says:

    Woh, what a great idea!

  90. diana says:

    Well at least you know how to make an inexpensive Pillsbury Doughboy costume!

  91. LOL! When Indy was 4 he wanted to be a bird for Halloween. We had a long discussion, with me repeatedly asking if he wanted to be a bird and him finally looking at me like I’m somehow thick and saying very slowly “A biiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrD!” Why a bird? Because he wanted James Bond to dress up as a pirate so he, Indy, could sit on his shoulder and be carried from house to house. Clever even at 4.
    And you are being an excellent parent by removing all that extra evil candy. The things we sacrifice for our children.
    Han Solo is only 6 months. You think he’ll get candy too? Cause I’d definitely have to remove all of that candy!

  92. Kimberly says:

    I’m a new reader, and I am once again crying from laughing so hard. Thank you for brightening my day with your stories.

  93. Oh yeah, and plethora? Slice of awesome.

  94. melissa says:

    That’s exactly why my THREE month old is trick or treating with my 2 year old this year lol. So much candy neither can eat. Im just being an awesome mom and giving them the experience. My two year old went when he was two months old and last year he had a field day and i got to eat most of his candy šŸ™‚

  95. OatBran says:

    Can I have your watch when you are dead?

  96. Jennifer says:

    OMG the picture of Crappy Boy running off and Crappy Baby going into the house had me in tears! This post is too funny and so true!!

  97. Amber Dusick says:

    Best comment yet. LOL

  98. Luna says:

    LOL I did this when my daughter was little. When she got older she started keeping count of her candy, and insisted we just dump it on the floor/couch/random non-dog surface and she’d help us sort the open pieces out. Now we only get the ones she doesn’t like. LOL. But I might take my son out trick-or-treating (he’s 2) with his sister, and be a “good parent” with his candy. Bwahaha!

  99. You are so awesome and I love, love, love the Three Amigos reference. šŸ˜€

  100. Emily says:

    We call it the Candy Tax, and they _know_ that we take it… It is irregularly applied, but taxable instances include:

    –You’re all having 3 pieces; each one of you needs to hand over 1 to Mommy (I have big kids and a newborn)
    –You haven’t eaten any candy in 3 days; I’m taking one piece per day (that I had to stand here trying to ignore the huge pile of temptation)


  101. Jen says:

    my daughter is 6 months old too (I’m on your birth board, LOL) and I get to take her to my husband’s workplace today for a trick or treat of his office. I’m practically being FORCED to bring her so I don’t have to worry about looking like she’s candy bait, but then I totally get candy! And assuming she’ll get tons, I can save some to pass out to trick or treaters on Sunday/Monday (my neighborhood is doing Halloween early)

  102. Ginger says:

    This isn’t exactly on-topic, except it’s about trick-o-treatin’. In our sweet little community, there is a cool old guy who gives out “junk” instead of candy. Like real junk (not junk food). I think he clears out his garage or whatever, so there are doorknobs, and cool stones, and tennis balls, and odd gadgets and rubber spiders. He puts them all spread out on his front porch and the kids get to pick one thing. THEY LOVE IT!

  103. Dorn says:

    My wife isn’t polite enough to be house baby retriever and sooooo doesn’t enjoy the “trick or treat” part enough either so that means she gets to play hold her hand while I grab him. This year I get to say things like “I don’t care if you’re pregnant with triplets, if you’re not going to chase after either, you get to hold on to both.” Wish me luck!

  104. Diane says:

    I laughed when you said your crappy baby went house exploring. We took our two year old (at the time) for her first trick or treating adventure last year and all she wanted to do was explore peoples houses. Oh, thank god for nice neighbors!

    That being said, about the halloween costumes…I know what you mean about having to try to find one, or make one, that just doesn’t exist. šŸ™‚ My daughter this year wants to be a Zombie Pirate Kangaroo very very badly. šŸ˜€

  105. Diane says:

    Wow, that is a really cool idea.

  106. My kid can have all the Reese’s Pieces he wants, but Snickers is really bad for his teeth! Chocolate in general is a little much for his age. I will protect him or explode trying!

  107. Cynthia says:

    Just wondering why they are doing it early when Sunday is still a school night? My kids got a huge haul at my husband’s work last night, and I’m trying to figure out how to give it away MOnday without them noticing.

  108. Katie says:

    Oh I already told my husband that I hope our 18 month old gets a ton of chocolate I can eat.

    FWIW I cannot buy any chocolate candy to hand out since I will eat it all before Halloween. This year I bought skittles not knowing it was my husbands favorite. Guess who gets to go out and buy more candy the day before Halloween???

  109. TheUrbanMum says:

    I know I’m so last week – just read your post.
    Why now? Because this evening it was Halloween in Sydney, Australia.
    It’s quite late here – I’m still up because I just ate all the kids lollies.
    I hid them so they wouldn’t eat too many and get hyper.
    I’m basking in the feeling of being a great parent…
    May as well enjoy it while it lasts – by the morning my sugar “hangover” will have kicked it…Along with the childrens fury at the missing “candy”…x

  110. Heather says:

    Oh, I can so relate to this! I had to make a Plankton costume this year… he’s that little green guy from Spongebob. They don’t sell him. And we automatically get some of DS’s candy (woohoo for that space maintainer he just got!) but I already had to buy candy to pass out twice. I guess buying the stuff we like “just in case” there will be some leftover wasn’t such a good idea after all.

  111. Kasi Ann Peters says:

    Well, I came here tonight specifically hoping to find a halloween crappy pics! You did not disappoint! I chased my almost 2 year old out of a couple of houses tonight, too! Happy Halloween!!

  112. lezlie81@hotmail.com says:

    I’ve stuck left-over candy in birthday pinatas for their friends’ families to deal with.

    I’m also glad to see I’m not the only one who’s turned around and given out some of the candy that same Halloween night!

  113. ashley p says:

    last night i took my 19-month-old trick-or-treating for the first time, and he tried to walk into one of the first houses we went to (an elderly couple) and i TOTALLY thought of this post and i wanted to start laughing but i thought the couple would think i was crazy.

    i did also get some questions/comments about him not actually eating any of the candy while we were out, too. party poopers! šŸ˜€

  114. Valerie says:

    I’ve done that same thing with McDonald’s french fries – trying to eat mine as fast as I can before the kids steal any more. I don’t know if I’m being selfish or selfless.

  115. Sarah says:

    Our Crappy 2YO tried to run into EVERY. SINGLE. HOUSE. we went to. Seriously, kid?!

    On the bright side, one of the neighbors gave away full-sized candy bars, which I immediately confiscated. I knew having three kids would pay off some day!!

  116. Kate Rose says:

    I love your blog! I have 2 sons (ages 3.5 and 9 months) and use cloth diapers; I identify with so many things in your posts. Love the crappy drawings, they are priceless. Good times, and thanks for the laughs. šŸ™‚

  117. Becca says:

    oh dear, I was eating my 7 month old baby’s candy as I read this šŸ™‚ Yes, I wore her and went door to door saying “trick or treat” like a moron. Mommy and daddy deserve some candy too, right??

  118. Holly says:

    We watched the Charlie Brown Halloween Special this year. Then we took the extra candy and put it out for the Great Pumpkin to take (“tooth fairy style” of course!!!) šŸ™‚ Worked like a charm. They got cash/toys for the candy.. The extra candy was subject to the candy tax then the leftovers will be sent to soldiers who keep it in their pockets for the kiddos around them šŸ™‚

  119. LeahM says:

    I read this after Halloween because our Halloween lasts so long, I couldn’t get to my email until a week later. And it really was not “so last week” because I LOVE Halloween and could totally relate to every single thing you said. And will probably relive it next year. My four year old still has not figured out that I weeded through her candy and the 18 mo old has no clue that he was jipped of his candy completely. Mission accomplished.

  120. Amanda says:

    took my almost 2 year old daughter out this year and the first house we went to she looked at the lady then was looking past her into the house and didnt say a word to her but looked at the candy in her bucket… from there she was saying ‘treat’ and then ‘thanku’ at each house until she got to a house where the guy put the bowl toward her and let her choose one… of course she took just 1 so he says to her “you can take one more” so she takes one more and puts it in her bucket then looks at him and says ‘more?’ he let her take one more before my hubby put a stop to her cuteness taking all the candy… I walked her up to the next house and when we were leaving she said a new little sentence ‘more…. can…dy….peeees’ I almost died laughing and was so happy she learned a new word… but also happy that lady had already closed the door. cant wait for next year. I <3 halloween

  121. cindy says:

    ROTFL – holy hanna! You know when you read “damnyouautocorrect?” and you laugh so hard people check that you aren’t crying??? well I hit “And he breakdances. For an hour or two.” and laughed through tears for the rest of the post. goddam you crack me up! And I wholeheartedly agree how to be a good parent at Halloween! Eat the candy! But not so much they notice.

  122. Jenn says:

    I guess I’m lame…. šŸ™‚

  123. Jacob says:

    Can’t wait to take my own boy and baby out this year!

  124. My dad used to take a candy tax. I’m pretty sure I’m going to continue that tradition.

  125. My son wandered into houses when he was little too. Thank goodness we have no weirdos on our block! One time he walked into someone’s house, plopped down on their floor to watch TV. Then he threw a fit when I made him leave! I blame the terrible twos.

  126. Julie says:

    We recently learned that our 22 month old is allergic to peanut butter … which translates into Mommy & Daddy are *totally justified* in keeping all of the Reeses, Snickers, Butterfingers, … what a shame šŸ˜‰

  127. Karen says:

    There’s a dentist where we live who will pay kids $1 per pound of candy the week after Halloween. She takes the candy and sends it to soldiers overseas. Of course, we don’t do it. We, as awesome protective parents, also help out eith the sandy situation. We only have one, though.

  128. Mommy23Melody says:

    I know this was written like, a billion years (in mommy years) ago, but I thought I’d throw this out there. We go trick or treating, but whenever we have food delivered, we put together a bag of candy for the pizza boy as a tip. They love it. šŸ™‚