I love Halloween. A lot of people hate Halloween but those people are lame.
One of the reasons it rocks is because it shows what good, protective parents we are.
Anyway, the holiday hasn't happened this year yet, which is unfortunate because this means I can't tell you about it. Because it hasn't happened yet. By the time it does, it will be next week. And then talking about Halloween will be so last week and that is just uncool.
So I'm just going to have to tell you about Halloween last year. Here it goes…
We're in the week leading up to Halloween. We have no costume for Crappy Boy. We can't buy him one either. We can't buy him one because the costumes he wants are not buyable.
It is entirely different each time.
After carefully considering nearly every household object, he finally settles on a fictional character called the Leaf Elf.
I search at store after store, "Do you have the Leaf Elf costume?" and nobody has it in stock! It might be because the Leaf Elf is a fictional character that I made up for a bedtime story. But I think it is because they just don't have much of a selection this close to Halloween.
So I'm stuck making it.
So Halloween arrives!
Isn't Halloween weird? What are we teaching our kids with this holiday?
We're teaching them to disguise themselves, knock on doors demanding things and to accept candy from strangers.
An elderly lady opens the door and puts candy in their bags.
This leaves Crappy Papa and I frozen for a moment, torn between running after the boy yelling "Wait!" who is halfway down the block in search of houses with signs of "Halloween friendliness" and retrieving the baby who is wandering around in the dining room now, looking disappointed by the lack of toys.
After that first house we assign jobs. I'm on house baby retrieval and he is on chasing duty. Things go smoothly.
A few blocks of houses behind us, Crappy Boy says his bag is heavy.
We get home and pour out the contents. Crappy Papa and I sift through it, weeding out the ones with razor blades and needles, and then give him the rest.
Eventually, he eats a few.
Once he crashes, we put him to bed.
A long and tiring night behind us, Crappy Papa and I meet up in the kitchen.
Would you say we have a plethora of candy?
Oh yes, we have a plethora.
But I really don't think he needs all of it. Especially multiples of the same thing.
Because some candy he just should not eat.
Have a Happy Halloween!