parenting knowledge before & after kids…illustrated with crappy pictures™

A new one for the Before & After Kids series. 

This is how much I knew about parenting before I had kids:


And this is how much I know about parenting now, after having kids:


This entry was posted in before & after kids, crappy pictures, parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

60 Responses to parenting knowledge before & after kids…illustrated with crappy pictures™

  1. Marnie says:

    LOL I thought I knew EVERYTHING about how to handle children.

  2. HA! Hilarious…and so true.

  3. Kate says:

    Lol I read ALL the books and even gave other parents advice thinking I knew!! I have never been more wrong… But I’m learning everyday and it’s a wonderful thing.

  4. Amanda says:

    Love that you had perky boobs and a nice butt before kids too!

  5. Dutch says:

    I like the way your fashion sense and breast placement have changed 😉

  6. macee says:

    I especially like the distinction in your boobs and clothing. So true on so many levels.

  7. Amy says:

    haha the curves and heels before crack me up!

  8. ellendenise says:

    LOL! I love how before you had kids, you had a bombshell figure, nice clothes and a hairdo…

  9. Kate says:

    Also, I love the sexy body you drew before and the mom clothes in the after LMAO!

  10. “When I have kids, I’ll NEVER…. (fill in the blank)…..”

    Then with kids you do ALL those things!

  11. Mishka B says:

    I cringe to think of what i thought i knew before i had kids.

  12. Kelly says:

    This also applies to the elderly and busybodies who either have no children or long forgotten what it’s like to have young children as they have answers to all of your parenting problems and unruly kids. Recently during a trip to the store one of my kid’s shoelace came undone, unbeknownst to kid or myself, and unfortunately, it got caught in an escalator. An elderly woman kindly and passive aggressively asked aloud, “why can’t people tie their kids’ shoes?!?!” you know…rather than seeing if a scared young child and harried mom were ok. I should’ve chucked my kid’s shoe at her for her to tie since clearly she has epic and uber shoe tying skills rendering them impossible to come undone, even accidentally.

  13. Sena Baker says:

    You must have seen me in Hobby Lobby yesterday with my screaming-and-pitching-a-fit-for-no-reason daughter. I felt exactly like that!

  14. Lisa says:

    Yeah, it’s like one big inverted circle of ignorance.

  15. valleygirl says:

    HA! And I LOVE the difference in outfits from before and after. Awesome!

  16. I grew up around a lot of kids and worked with kids so when I gave it as advice it was because I had myself tried it or saw someone else. I wouldn’t be obnoxious about it though lol. I’ve had a lot of people without children try and act like my day is so easy. I think they should all read every post and see that it’s not nearly as easy to be a parent as they think it is. You forgot the ones who have kids and act like they are parent of the year and whatever they’re trying to get you to do.

  17. Maxine says:

    Fabulous post!as usual! I had the after picture just yesterday, but i have gotten very good at ignoring the tantrum and selective seeing, not noticing the know-it-all’s around me rolling their eyes!

  18. Julie says:

    I used to be a perfect parent too… when I was 20 and had no kids…

  19. Christa says:

    haha!! the boob and butt thing is hilarious… and the mom clothes… so true.

  20. Desiree says:

    I do remember claiming I would never let them sit in front of the TV to get some time to myself…and thought time to myself would be something other then doing laundry or dishes.

  21. Elisabeth says:

    as always – love this! I have the same thought ALL the time.

  22. Dina says:

    Yeah, skin-tight vs. mumu fashion sense.

  23. Dina says:

    I think we were separated at birth…

  24. Dina says:

    … to accommodate the slow but steady pull of gravity…

  25. says:

    There is also the after parenting and the way-after parenting knowledge. You need to draw the child having the tantrum, the mama pulling her hair out just trying to make it through the check out and out the door, and the 60-something woman saying, “Oh you need to enjoy these years. They’ll be over before you know it.” Absolutely love her. Immensely.

  26. Rachel P says:

    Comments in the supermarket can go either way, can’t they? I once had a man approach me to say of my toddler son “his singlet is hanging out” to which I chuckled and replied “that’s the least of my worries!”

    Another time, a woman went out of her way to stop her car as I was unloading groceries in the car park to say “I just wanted to let you know I think you’re doing a great job with your kids.”

  27. The boobs are so accurate before and after parenting!!! 🙂

  28. At least your kid’s hair is neat, unlike that horrible mom’s kid in the top picture!

  29. sarah says:

    i like how you verify the shoes changing from heels to just whatever you can grab. oh i had such a nice body and now lol i’m just happy to look ok in clothes.

    also… i hate how i can be on the phone with someone and they hear my baby throwing a fit whining or crying about being put in her crib or play yard so i can cook or something and the person (usually a guy friend) is like “ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LET HER CRY?!!!??? PICK HER UP!!!” gets under my skin so much. i’m a single mom, sometimes i need to put her in her crib or play yard so i can fix myself a meal or shower. people without kids assume parents should do things one way but once they experience it they see just how hard it is to be a parent and what other factors they didn’t know about.

  30. says:

    I love that her boobs disappeared.

  31. Heather says:

    not to mention the hair! Can’t remember the last time I did my hair…oh wait that’s right, that’s why I cut it off… at least it looks good with very little effort.

  32. says:

    DINC me in 2000 cruising Costco: “There is NO way my kid will eat chicken shaped liked dinosaurs.” #1 food group for my gal in 2011: chicken dinosaurs.

  33. D says:

    This blog makes me so glad that I’m not a parent.

  34. Josie says:

    Your blogs make me laugh out loud in a spurt tea from my nose kind of way. As a mother of 4 kids I feel like wallpapering my walls with your pictures!!!

  35. Melinda says:

    That was my favorite part haha…so true! I dress for comfort over style these days! Oh yeah, and something that makes nursing easier.

  36. Melinda says:

    It’s ten times funnier if you do have kids though 🙂

  37. Darcie says:

    I’m impressed that you have shoes with laces for your kids – I remember thinking pre-kids, “Velcro shoes? Come on, how is your kid ever going to learn to tie his own shoes??” Now I’m just happy if he’ll put the damn things on by himself! :-p

  38. Rach says:

    Brilliant!! I love the attention to detail in your crappy pictures.

  39. I am going to join the group of women here that just loves the version of yourself prekids 🙂 Very awesome! You never cease to amaze me and make me laugh with this blog! 🙂

  40. Jessica says:

    What happened to the booty and boobies? lol

    Love this!

  41. They only act that way when you HAVE to be in the store and do something! ie… I HAVE to go to Walmart for groceries and have no other time to do it – huge fit and I feel like hiding. Just running to Walmart but don’t have to be there- happy laughing toddler!!

  42. rachel says:

    yeah, the fact that you had boobs and your hair was curled before kids is hysterical!

  43. rachel says:

    don’t look at it that way! it’s only funny in a “that is SO true, but at the same time so awesomely worth it” kinda way! seriously… no boobs or skinny jeans can come anywhere close in value to sharing your life with little hearts that depend on you! no curling iron can ever do for your soul what sticky hands wrapped your neck can.

  44. vanessa says:

    I love the high heels at the grocery store, pre-children.

    I fully admitted before I had kids that I knew nothing about them. Now I somehow know even less than nothing. Can’t win no matter what.

  45. Tricia says:

    Maybe this is just me… BUT when I see moms with kids younger than mine, I revert right back to the I-know-more-than-you phase. At least I can keep it to myself! LOL

  46. I went shoe shopping with my 3 yr old and went straight for the velcro- whatever it takes, right?

  47. Alison says:

    So, so true. The difference in body and outfit before and after is the funniest/saddest/truest thing about this one.

  48. The funniest part to me about this entire post is the perky boobs and ass on you in the “Before” picture.

    I have lived this very scene many a time. It’s all true. So, so true.

  49. I love you. No. I mean, like LOVE you, love you. The girl on girl kind. I want to have your baybees.

  50. I like that her boobs are gone. Hits close to home. Hilarious!

  51. Brianne says:

    LOL That is hilarious! So very true…

  52. Evamarie says:

    LOL this is hilarious and I’m so tempted to send this to my SIL. We had a huge blow up in regards to feeding my dd and she spouted off all the education she has had in Elementary education (she is a school teacher). I don’t have a degree but I have been taking of children since I was 12 which makes over 20 years of experience. Even than I can say being a teacher is a lot different than being a parent. I hope she becomes a parent one day and realizes there is a difference between being a teacher and being a mother.

  53. amber says:

    OMG! I just bumped into a friend from high school the other day who asked me if I was sick… my hair wasnt done, no makeup, and I was wearing yoga pants and my hubby’s tshirt….

    I told her this is the after three kids look…..

  54. Des says:

    This is me on my third kid. Everything is so different.

  55. kristi says:

    Love this blog. You are hilarious and absolutely right on. I did all my best parenting before i had kids too.

  56. Melony says:

    My favorite is when a pregnant first time mother looks at you like child protective services needs to be called when your toddler is freaking out. My comment to them is always the same “Just wait, your turn is coming soon”

  57. This post gives truly quality information.

  58. Dre's mommy says:

    Your pictures have given me such calm – I’m not the only one who has these daily issues!! And number two wont be here for another 14 weeks!!! Thank God for you momma – that’s for sure!!!

  59. Jasmine in Jazzyland says:

    I’m only 18 but I had two much younger siblings (that I was practically a second parent to when Momma worked or needed a break) so I can really relate to this blog! But I, having experience with small children, will NEVER think I know everything about parenting. Nope. Kids are chaos in the most lovable of packages. There is no preparation.

  60. Belinda says:

    Never thought I knew everything, and was worried about motherhood. It’s the hardest job, you learn on the fly! Mostly used my common sense and treated my son the way I would have liked to be treated. Love, understanding, patients, respect, empathy, etc… Never regretted it. Didn’t always love everything about it! Would do it all over again in my next life. Motherhood changed me for the better.