Food Critic

Crappy Papa and I both like to teach and explain things. This is convenient now that we are parents since teaching is pretty much 99% what parenting entails. The other 1% is getting them to go to bed each night. And loving them of course, but that doesn’t take any effort. (Except during the 1% bedtime thing, then effort is required in the love/patience/keep calm and please-go-the-fuck-to-bed-already department.)  

However, we sometimes get a little overzealous about teaching and explaining. Just a little…


Crappy Boy is eating salad. He asks:


Crappy Papa answers:


To explain that there are other types of critics, I add:


And art critics and so on.

Then we trail off, explaining the exciting life of travel critics:



We get very animated and go back and forth about rating hotels and tourist attractions and travel shows and magazine articles and newspapers and travel books and guides. We discuss how one could get started in this business. How there are different formats for reviews such as magazines or newspapers or or radios books or TV shows or websites. Rating systems and things people look for and on and on.

We explain everything! The entire critic field! We explain that he too could do this if he was passionate about it. He could start now, he could start a journal about movies he sees or books he reads. He can do anything!

We’re teaching him so much! We’ve surely inspired him! We’re so good at this! So supportive! So encouraging!

Finally, we stop talking.


And Crappy Boy says:


Turns out, he’s a pretty good parenting critic already.



We actually used to play food critic in our house during dinner. If you have reluctant eaters, I highly recommend that trick. We haven’t talked about it (or used the star ratings) in over a year though. Like many things in parenting, I can look back and remember doing something but I don’t remember when I stopped doing it. It just sort of fades out. Does that ever happen to you? 

I got to play product critic recently, I’m one of the judges for the National Parenting Publications Awards! So. Much. Fun!

Thanks for all the insightful replies on my last post about Crappy Baby wanting a job! I should ask for advice more often, it really helped. 


This entry was posted in crappy pictures, food, homeschooling, learning, parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

42 Responses to Food Critic

  1. Emma says:

    Yup, we play “food critic” too, with my picky eater. Or “science experiment” (give them a raw & cooked version of the same food & get them to make predictions/observations about how it feels, looks, smells, & tastes. Or cooked in 2 different methods, etc.

  2. Emma says:

    Ps – woohoo, I was first to comment!!!

  3. Hahaha. This is like the time I got a simple question (about DNA–so maybe not that simple) from my 9 y.o. and somehow ended up having “the talk” with him. Sometimes simple answers really are the best answers.

    And yes, we often stop doing things we used to do as parents, but I was thinking it’s because we are exhausted and have reach a state of child-induced dementia.

    PS– here’s a link to my story about “The Talk” but you don’t have to publish it or click it. I just think you’d appreciate it!

    • Larissa says:

      LOL, child-induced dementia! I haz that!

    • Di says:

      Omg, that post was sooooo goooood! Thanks for sharing the link. I was shaking the bed, trying to suppress my laughter (it’s 3:36 a.m., ya know?)

    • mary says:

      Loved “child induced dementia” and thanks for sharing link!

    • Kathy says:

      Love the link! I need the name of the book you used. With my son no explanation is too long or detailed, so I am NOT looking forward to this talk.

  4. Liv says:

    So funny. The other day my son asked me about why a local town was where it is. I launched in to a lengthy explanation about historical reasons for locating settlements. We were driving at the time. When I finished, all he said was ‘well we MUST be there by now after all that!’

  5. Janice says:

    Haha, Crappy Boy FTW! Just wanted to say that I was having a crappy day at work and this made me smile.

  6. Victoria says:

    In the world of people who teach for a living, we have a saying for that:

    “I asked my mother what time it was. She told me how to build a clock.”

  7. Julie says:

    We’d do that sometimes too. Of course, my kids have watched way too much Food Network so they’d be criticizing me on my lack of “crunch factor”.

  8. Tobi says:

    Glad to know I’m not the only one who gets overly excited in explaining things to my kids. I’m usually 2-3 minutes into an exhilarating and enlightening explanation when I finally notice that my 2-year-old’s eyes have glossed over and he says, “Okay Mommy.”

  9. Amy says:

    This always happens with my hubby and I and our 7 year old only he (son) just tends to zone out or walk away while we debate the specifics. I’m also a teacher so have to catch myself before I go into lecture mode sometimes 🙂

  10. Melissa says:

    Haha, I do that to my kids all the time. Last week my 6 year old asked me about a nuclear explosion he saw in minecraft, he ended up with a science lesson on atomic structure, the difference between an implosion and an explosion, a history lesson on WW2 and the Manhattan Project, and a literary tie in with the Narnia series, which we’re reading at bed time. All because he mentioned a new mod for minecraft!

  11. April says:

    Makes me think of this image:

  12. Erika says:

    Ha ha! Kids are so real. I’m mostly just impressed that Crappy Boy will eat salad.

  13. Jackie says:

    Wow, I am amazed that your kids let you talk that long about something. We are striving for that in our house, but our kids talk way too much for us to get a word in.

  14. lj says:

    how did you do the food critic thing? currently my used to east everything kid snubs EVRYTHING

  15. Oooooh. Playing food critic. What a great idea for picky eaters like mine! Though I am soft-skinned. I’m not sure I can handle the criticism. Maybe I’ll save this game for when we order out. 😉

  16. Tammy says:

    OMG. This is the story of our lives. Our kids have gotten to the point where they just come right out and ask us to stop. Please, please, stop.

  17. Heather says:

    Omg..” um, you guys did this whole story thing.” rofl!!! Crappy boy cracks me up.

  18. CaseyK says:

    Tonight by 5 yr old said the salmon was “too fishy” and the broccoli was “too tree-ish.” Terribly convenient of you to post this today!

  19. Mariah says:

    That reminds me of what happens when the kids in my preschool class ask me questions. Even if they’re doing something else I’ll be like, “Ok, listen up, everybody. Lucas just asked a good question.” And then there will be a two-minute explanation on something that goes over most of their heads.

    We also have language development most days, which is when we talk about things they might have heard of but don’t know a whole lot about. Then they’ll interrupt with completely off-topic things like “Hey, Ms. Mariah. My mom’s pickin’ me up today” and “My cat has fur.” (Those are both real quotes.)

  20. Kae says:

    Tell me more about the food critic game! How does that work?? How old were the boys when you started it?

  21. Woolies says:

    Our oldest rebelled at an early age regarding parenting teaching. Not really sure what that was all about. I guess he knew it all already? But then, he was 17 and going to a dance and had to wear a tie. “How do you tie a tie?” he asked ME. I have no fucking clue how to tie a tie! Go look it up on YouTube! Which he did. See, no parents needed. 🙂

  22. Mum Mum says:

    Do you know why we do the over explaining thing? Because when our kids were two they asked ‘Why?’ for every little thing we told them.

    I tell my daughter not to climb up the bookshelf and five ‘Why?’s later I’m describing the Big Bang. After a while over-explaining becomes habit.

    • Carla says:

      So true! I was recently doing an impersonation of those conversations for my now 11 year old.

  23. Jen says:

    Ha ha ha. Loved the link. Children and their inquisitiveness and questions. What to say!!

  24. Betsy says:

    My husband, and now my child, sometimes just tell me to stop talking when I get too explanatory. It usually takes my husband 2-3 days to realize I have ceased speaking to him whatsoever.

  25. Melanie says:

    Why is getting the kids to go to bed only 1% in your household when it’s like 50% in my house and I only have one!

  26. Kaitlyn r says:

    lol!!! hilarious!! i was rofl

  27. escortsdelhi says:

    lol its so funny we play food critic some times. I like your post and bookmarked it on my stumble-upon.

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