Farkles the Unicorn

It is Friday already and all I have to show for it is Farkles the Unicorn.

farkles the unicorn


But at least you now know where sparkles come from. I was surprised too.

Don’t worry, they are unscented.



By the way, “Farkles the Unicorn” was inspired by a comment by Laurie who wrote that her friend’s granddaughter calls glitter, ‘farkles’. Then I said some stuff about sparkle farting unicorns and couldn’t get the idea of Farkles the Unicorn out of my head. He’s been frolicking around in there for weeks, glittering up the place. He talks to me. Sings songs even. He also tells me elaborate stories about embarrassing situations he has been in. He is greatly misunderstood. Sigh.ย 

Oh and several people commented on this glitter post about those pills that make you poop gold. So while you can’t make farkles (unicorns only) you can make sharkles. For only $425 a pill. I can’t wait! After I win the lotteryย and I’m filthy rich I will totally still not buy those.ย 



This entry was posted in anxiety, crappy pictures, language. Bookmark the permalink.

96 Responses to Farkles the Unicorn

  1. MJ says:

    Wow, I thought I was the only one who farted glitter……

    • amber says:

      You must have unicorn in your blood.

    • Amber Swanberg says:

      Do you have those glittery undies from VS? They can sure make you look like it ๐Ÿ™‚

      • MJ says:

        I once worked in an adult entertainment club and the places those girls put sparkles makes me wonder if they farted glitter……hmmm, I think I can find a few of em on FB so I’m gonna ask. I have to know now!!

      • Kate says:

        Ugh! My daughter (19 yo) bought some of those sparkly butt undies. When she pulled off her pants at the end of the day, she ended up with a pile of glitter all over the floor of her room every. single. time she wore them. Yes, I did laugh at her for that.

  2. Lisa MH says:

    Have you seen Space Unicorn? He shoots marshmallow lasers AND poops/farts rainbows. Way less messy than glitter or sparkles.


  3. Ginger says:

    Can you sell your poop? LMAO

  4. Heather says:

    You have filled my day with sunshine and unicorn farkles.

  5. Brittany Jimenez says:

    Hmm, This has “shirt material” written all over it…

  6. Kendra says:

    My unicorn eats rainbows and poops butterflies.

  7. Yes! Farkles! I knew my unicorn that farted glitter had a name! ๐Ÿ˜€

  8. Emily says:

    I think Farkles has been here. That would explain a lot.

  9. Geneva says:

    Ever seen that glitter frosting at the grocery store? If your kids get enough of that, THEY WILL sh*t glitter! We used it to decorate cookies for Christmas and of course most of the frosting was ingested instead of used for decoration…

  10. Kristin says:

    oh wow! Thank you! This was a great way to start the day! ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. Betsy Luczaj says:

    With my 5 year old in the new habit of farting at people, I’m not sure if I’d want the glitter. What a clean up nightmare!

  12. Two Loose Stitches says:

    I am totally showing this to my 8 year-old daughter’s 10 year-old brother.

  13. Hunny says:

    My 3 year old daughter has a toy unicorn named Farkle also!

  14. Carrie B says:

    I used to work with a very “proper”, older woman. She loved anything Victorian and acted as such, most of the time. Anyway, rather than the word “fart” she used to use “farkle”. So rather than farting, her kids grew up letting “farkles” hee hee

  15. Carrie B says:

    I was just advised by a friend that Farkle is an actual game!! With DICE! ๐Ÿ˜€

  16. Marina A. says:

    Here’s a how to to make Farkle poop! Have fun!

  17. NSmeds says:

    My daughter calls glitter “Farkles” as well!! it such an awesome word i have caught myself using it out in public with other adults haha.

  18. Karen says:

    Weel, Farkles seem like the are A LOT nicer than SHARTS!!!!!!!!!

  19. tara says:

    Oh my god yes! That is the best picture! He should definitely be a TV show. Or a shirt at the very least. I would rock that t shirt.

    And I’ve actually played the dice game Farkle!! It’s really fun! But it would be more fun if there were a glitter farting unicorn!

  20. Shannon says:

    Wasn’t he on She-Ra?

  21. Jen says:

    Hmm.. So kitty glitter comes from Farkles. No wonder people love kittens and unicorns.

  22. Axel Bushing says:

    The glitter-farkling unicorn is better than “Sniffy the Christmas Rat” who has been my constant companion this holiday season. I bow to your superior fantasy-obsession!

  23. akorn says:

    made me think of this: http://9gag.com/gag/6411194
    Someone said we’d need a refill station. Now I can recommend Farkles as that refill station

  24. Mallory says:

    If you put that on a t-shirt I would soo buy one for me and my girls!! :o)

  25. Laurie "Farkles" says:

    Do you know how EXCITED I was to check your blog just now and see my name in print on your post as the inspiration for “Farkles the Unicorn”?!? It’s even better than if my response number were picked for a Kitchen Aid mixer on Pioneer Woman’s blog (tho. I could really use a KA mixer!) Of course, I’d be good for SEVERAL t-shirts! Many thanks!

  26. Betsy says:

    This is awesome! My 2 favorite blogs have similar themes this week – unicorns and bodily functions! ๐Ÿ™‚ (As a pediatrician, bodily functions are ALWAYS fun!) http://www.howtobeadad.com/2013/14723/unicorn-poop-how-i-fell-in-love-with-the-daughter-i-never-had

  27. Elizabeth says:

    A friend insists rainbow cake looks like unicorn vomit – is this a talent of ‘farkles’

  28. Kelly says:

    I used to teach preschool, and now have a 5 year old and 2 year old.
    So, I can tell you with great authority that if you Eat enough glitter during craft projects, you will Poop glitter.
    Okay, maybe not You. But your small humans, they will eat it and poop it, leading to much hilarity in the bathroom.

  29. NeuroNerd says:

    Maybe Farkles could make appearances at weddings?


    Please note, this was NOT my wedding.

  30. Oooo, that would make a great toy. Like those little pig and sheep keychains you squeeze and brown squooshy stuff comes out, a unicorn you squeeze and sparkly gunk comes out. Or just sparkles. it could even be a glitter dispenser!!! Ha ha ha!! Cracking myself up here.

  31. Ophelia says:

    This reminds me of a friend of mine (yes really, it’s not really me disguising myself for anonymity!) whose daughter at the time of this story was 5 or 6. Anyway, she had a scheduled visit to her OBGYN and was running late (as you do with kids) so didn’t have time to shower. She grabbed a flannel from her daughter’s bathroom and had a quick wipe around. Her (male) OBGYN said to her at the appointment “Glad to see you’ve made an effort!”. She was totally confused until she got home and realized she had been playing glitter with her daughter and cleaned her up using the flannel that she later used to clean herself! She changed OBGYN after that….

  32. Janae says:

    This post and entire comment thread made me laugh. Not only are you funny but your readers are hilarious! I just spent 2 hours at
    A kids birthday party so a little Farkle humor was much needed.

  33. Sabrina says:

    I’ve been saying for years that kids poop glitter. This is established by the fact that there is glitter in places where children did not use glitter or bring glitter (like my office).

  34. Woolies says:

    OMG. NOW I know where all the sparkles come from! I make unicorns, and could never figure out where the glittery stuff was coming from.

    Thanks for clarifying!!

  35. schaun says:

    Umm, okay. That was an odd but funny post! lol

  36. Liz says:

    Farkle sparkles reminds me of Sparkle Farkel and the Farkel family: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B5xtxs221w0

  37. Allie says:

    My 3 year old also says Sparkles with an F and we always ask her to say it ๐Ÿ˜‰ Gotta get your laughs where you can!
    (Also really fun to hear from her is “fooky!” during Halloween!)

  38. Elisa Barton says:

    I just saw on the Fab.com site that “unicorn poop cookies” are up for sale. There’s a website from the owner,where she explains how she came up with the idea: http://www.sweetinsanitybakeshop.com/

    The cookies are under the menu tab, under sugar cookies. Too funny!

  39. Shannon says:

    oh my girls have been singing about their friend Charlie the Unicorn…”He poops out rainbows and barfs out sparkles” Wish that is what came out of them when they puked! LOL!!!!

  40. Skunk says:

    I want this as a T-shirt! Please add to the CrappyPictures Shop!!!!

  41. Adriane says:

    I would buy yoga pants with this on the butt.

  42. Ceri says:

    my husband told the kids that rainbows are made when ‘unicorns fart’

  43. Jeannie says:

    FYI I included a link to you on my new blog http://allforesther.blogspot.com/

    Hope that’s ok, you’re one of my favorites.


  44. Andrea Basset says:

    I was given a bottle of ‘unicorn wee’ for Christmas. It’s basically vodka that has had turkish delight soaking in it, and maybe a little bit of lilac colouring. Hmm, anyone fancy a big glass of Unicorn wee ?

  45. sarah says:

    that’s so funny! our waitress a few weeks back told us about her neice that could not say the word Sparkle when she was little. she coudle say Farkle however. from then on they would refer to farts and farting as sparkles and sparkling.

  46. Stephanie says:

    Have you seen the Moxie Girlz with Poopsy Pets toys? They all come with an animal that poops its own specialty poop! I just about died laughing in Toys R Us.

    * Avery has a pet koala who poops jewels
    * Lexa has a pet bunny who poops glittered poop
    (and saving the best for last)
    * Kellan has a pet unicorn who poops rainbow poop

  47. Cristy says:

    This has to be the best post yet!! Love love love this! And I vote for the shirt!

  48. Brittany says:

    I just want to say, this is like your Non-Crappiest photo of all time. I think unicorn fart drawings must be your niche. Great work! ๐Ÿ™‚

  49. Jackie says:

    My oldest daughter used to call Freckles, Farkles lol So this is even more hilarious to me ๐Ÿ™‚

  50. Elisabeth says:

    Now why would you buy a pill to turn your poo gold when you could just eat dollar store glitter and get the same effect? (I suspect that is bad for you though, so don’t try it ๐Ÿ˜› )

  51. Laura says:

    I saw this post and I was recently spending all my money on fab.com and came across these:


    And yes, yes I did buy some.

  52. Mistie says:

    Best.post.ever. You never disappoint Amber. ๐Ÿ™‚

  53. elin says:

    I discovered unicorn poop cookies the other day. they are all swirly colored…food coloring? with sprinkles. I thought that was funny. I am sure kids will go crazy for them!

  54. Jane Steinback says:

    I think you should write children’s books about farkle the glitter farting Unicorn. I think they would be a huge hit. I work as a library assistant in a school and know how much kids like books of this type. I am sure it wouldn’t be too difficult for you to do this. A whole new carreer move.

  55. Lisa Lewis says:

    Long time reader but first time to comment (looking forward to the book hitting the UK!)

    Saw this and thought when you’d shaken it’s unicorn shaped ass full of sprinkles over cakes you could fill it with glitter and have a model farkles!


    Thought of your post straight away!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  56. Pingback: Non-Crappy Mail - Crappy Pictures

  57. Jane says:

    I once found my baby eating sequins. He was doing sharkles the next day!

  58. Pingback: Sometimes I Wish: | aliceleftinwonderland

  59. I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your site. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and
    visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme?
    Great work!

    Also visit my website: mmorpg games browser

  60. Pingback: Farkles, the Amazing Farting Unicorn | The Hungry Mountaineer

  61. derpydino says:


  62. I have been surfing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be much more useful than ever before.

  63. hello!,I like your writing very much! share we communicate more about your post on AOL? I require an expert on this area to solve my problem. May be that’s you! Looking forward to see you.

  64. I’ve been browsing online greater than 3 hours today, but I never discovered any interesting article like yours. It pretty worth sufficient for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers made just right content as you probably did, the net will probably be much more useful than ever before.