Is He Ever Going To Marry Me?

Since my crappy marriage book just came out, I’m going to share some of the prenuptial story. How we met and such. Basically, what happened before marriage happened. These stories comprised a chapter in the book that was cut out…

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We’ve been living together for four hundred years. (I’m measuring time in woman-approaching-age-30-who-wants-to-get-married and have a family years. This converts to roughly four earth years.)

Marriage and starting a family has been a frequent topic of conversation lately. He’d like to get married someday. I’d like to get married today.

All of our friends are either married or engaged. Many have started families. And some of them have been together for less time than we have.

We’re about to go on a romantic weekend trip to Berkeley. A bed and breakfast. A fancy dinner.

The night before our trip, my friend Dawn (who happens to be married with kids so she is most certainly an expert on this topic) says:

propose-1

We spend the rest of the night dissecting and analyzing each and every sentence he has uttered the way that women always do but shouldn’t. By the end of the night I am completely convinced. There is no way he is not going to propose to me on this trip. I’m getting engaged!

Of course, I’m not going to let him know that I know. He wants it to be a surprise. Since I don’t know when during the trip he’ll propose, it still will be.

The first day I watch his every move. Is he acting weird? Does he have something in his pocket? Is it going to happen now? How about now? This would be a perfect spot by this vine, I can smell jasmine flowers!

But I also think the reverse at times. Oh dear, this isn’t a very romantic park bench. Too busy. I can hear the traffic. I hope he doesn’t do it here. Please, not here.

I act jumpy and tense. He asks me “What’s wrong?” several times and of course I say, “Nothing.”

We have a reservation at Chez Panisse the last night of our trip. It is a restaurant he has talked and talked about at length. It can be difficult to get a reservation there but we managed to get one on the upper (not as fancy) level. He is absolutely giddy during the car ride over. I can feel his excitement.

This is it! He is going to propose at the restaurant.

As we are walking up to the restaurant he turns to me and says:

propose-2

Gasp! He is going to do it HERE! Right now! Before we go in the restaurant!

propose-3

Huh? Oh, okay, he isn’t proposing outside.

He holds open the door to the restaurant and gestures for me to go inside.

But we have an even better reservation! This can only mean one thing! He called them and told them that he wants to propose so they gave us a better table!

He’s going to propose during dinner! Is everyone in on it? Does the waiter know? He is particularly friendly and chipper. He totally knows. Maybe he has the ring and will bring it out with the food!

I’m so excited that I can barely eat.

First course, second course and the third course flies by. I eat but I don’t taste a single thing. (Dear Alice Waters, an older, wiser and less crazy version of myself has since been back to your restaurant and I definitely tasted stuff. Divine.) Finally, dessert is on the way.

Of course he’ll propose during dessert, that makes the most sense.

Dessert arrives, and with it:

Figure1_19

No ring.

We pay and leave.

I still have a glimmer of hope. It isn’t really his style to propose in a public place. Maybe he’ll do it as soon as we get back to our room.

propose-4

Only he doesn’t.

I’m devastated, mortified and embarrassed that I was wrong about our romantic weekend.

It is late and I’ve drunk too much wine.

So without warning, I collapse into a heap of tears and insecurity and I tell him everything:

propose-5

He feels terrible but I’m relieved that I finally told him why I’ve been acting so odd all weekend.

Despite my humiliation and disappointment, we managed to have a good time on the drive back home to Los Angeles the next day.

(I didn’t know it then, but he had already ordered my ring. He was having it made and it wasn’t going to be ready for another week. He hoped it would be ready for our trip but it wasn’t. He could have told me. He could have ended my tears with some real reassurance other than “someday”. But he never let on. He wanted it to be a surprise.)

 

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Thank you SO much for your support! The sales of my two books are what keeps this blog boat afloat and I really appreciate it, um, not sinking.

And for those of you super wonderful people who have already gotten your copy (messages & photos and such have been so awesome – so far it seems people like the cockroach story, the sex tent story, the DIY hot tub story and the husband versus wife chapter the best) pretty please write a review where you purchased. Reviews help little itty-bitty authors like me tremendously!

 

Marriage: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures is available from these places if you want a funny book to accompany your evening glass of wine. I highly recommend that pairing. Also goes nicely with a cozy blanket and a cup of tea. And with kale salad and kombucha. And with pizza and beer. And with… never mind, I’m just hungry.

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Also, Amazon.com picked it as one of the best books of the month in humor:

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Which is pretty dang cool.

Thank you!

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63 Responses to Is He Ever Going To Marry Me?

  1. Karen says:

    OMG, nearly the same thing happened to me, I sorta knew that he was going to propose as we had been talking about it so I remember several times I thought it was going to happen, lol.

  2. Anna says:

    Hahaha.This reminds me of my husband’s proposal too… And now I have to hear the actual proposal story… I hope that’s the next installment?

  3. Fuzzy says:

    My proposal to my wife sucked.

    My younger brother (24… I was 26) was already engaged and my girlfriend and I were visiting him and his fiancee. I talked to him off to the side about proposing and he said to go for it. So far, that sounds pretty romantic. This was on April 14. We left their house late that night and were driving back to my parents who had offered to let us stay with them while visiting family. The clock ticked past midnight and I, in my horrible timing, decided to propose as I was driving. Yep, that’s right, I proposed on USA tax day with “So, do you want to get married?” I didn’t even have a ring because I didn’t have the money. We were engaged for 5 months before she got a ring.

    All that said, we’ve been together for 12 years now with 2 wonderful boys, and she still laughs about my terrible proposal. I guess I didn’t do it that badly. 🙂

  4. Maggie says:

    The SAME thing happened to me! I thought he was going to propose on Valentine’s Day and he didn’t. And we’d been together for years. And one day, I did the whole crying and confessing that I thought he would have proposed by now and was it EVER going to happen? thing. And found out later that the custom ring he’d had made with family diamonds had been ordered, he’d asked my parents for their blessing, and he had about a week before the ring was due to arrive. He told me it was the worst he had EVER felt in his life, because he wanted so badly to tell me, but he didn’t want to ruin it or tarnish the proposal. Bless his heart.

  5. Kristin says:

    Goodness, I’m still waiting … We’ve been together for one month shy of 10 years (were both 27). This past summer I broke down & told him I thought we would be married by our 10 year anniversary & that I didn’t want to wait forever. The ring I want is less than 1,000 & we’ve talked about getting married at the court house so it’s not like its going to be a big pricey to-do. Hopefully this year we’ll get engaged, but we’ll see!

  6. Awwww that’s so cute/funny/kind of sad haha.
    Glad he was in the process of planning it 😉
    I hope we get to read about the proposal!

  7. DLou says:

    SAME THING happened to me. Almost exactly. He was even calling the weekend “Secret Plans Day” and would not tell me anything about it. After I broke down (pretty much just like you did), he was surprised that I would have thought he would do something so obvious. He did end up proposing–only it was months and months later and I was very, very surprised. I still feel like I ruined the weekend for myself. 🙂

  8. Jill says:

    Wowsers, similar pre-engagement story here. It was my birthday and I knew he had a “special surprise” planned and he was all giddy and secretive about it. Like you two, we’d been talking about marriage so I thought it was the day. It wasn’t. He had planned a hot air balloon ride and I thought he would propose up there. He didn’t though and in retrospect, he felt horrible knowing that it really must have seemed that way. We did get engaged about a year later and it wasn’t a suprise then either because he took me to pick out the ring!

  9. Alison says:

    I may be the only person in the entire world to think this, but I find ‘surprise’ engagements kinda creepy. You’re about to embark on a life together, build a family, it shouldn’t be a ‘surprise’; you both should be sure of each other and you shouldn’t feel this absurd pressure to respond right then.

    What’s wrong with having a candid, intimate, romantic discussion?

    • Patti says:

      You are so right on Alison. What the heck are you supposed to do if you don’t want to marry them and all these people are standing around watching you. Like the flash mob ones or the ones where all the family is involved. Ouch.
      I was the one to ask my husband to marry me. I didn’t give him a ring though, not til the day of the wedding. That’s how I roll. lol

    • Angela says:

      I don’t like surprises, but I did love that my husband surprised me with a ring. We knew we both wanted to marry each other, it was just a matter of when the question would be asked. It’s not like when people get engaged it is the first ever time the subject has been brought up. The surprise part is just the ring and the officialness of it.

      • Wren says:

        My thoughts exactly 🙂 We made the decision to get married together and then months and months and months and months later he surprised me with a ring in front of my family and our friends. He was plenty nervous even knowing beforehand I’d say yes 😛

    • Lisa says:

      I agree. I knew that I was going to marry my then boyfriend about 1 month after I met him – it was just right – and we talked about it (a lot). He proposed about 12 months later – with a cheapy temporary ring, so that we could choose a ring together – because we are partners and big decisions like that get made together 🙂 We were on a romantic camping weekend with about 100 of our closest friends (lol) – at least he took me for a drive to escape the hoards of people to actually propose.

  10. Jean Russell says:

    Though I’m married this story makes me weepy.

  11. Samantha says:

    It’s worse to know ahead of time. My stupid employee came up to me all giddy and said “He’s going to propose tonight after you get home from work!” Lovely. I wish he either hadn’t told anyone or she could have kept her big trap shut for an extra 4 hours.

  12. Valerie says:

    When my husband and I were dating there was this one day he was acting odd…I could tell something was off but couldn’t put my finger on it. Is he mad, no thats not it. Is he sick? No, he seems fine. But something was definitely off. We were getting ready to go somewhere and I finally just sat down on the couch and was like “are you breaking up with me or something? He was flabbergasted. “No! why would you think that?” Turns out he had bought a ring and was deciding when to ask…he ended up sitting in his office chair and wheeling over to me and handed me the box. I opened it, was shocked and then asked him if he just proposed by wheeling over to me in a chair….yep he sure did.

  13. Angela says:

    I can’t wait to hear the REAL story, if there is one!

  14. Lesley says:

    Sounds similar to our story…week long romantic vacation in Florida…by Thursday I had given up on him proposing and decided to just enjoy our last night on the beach. We sat talking under a big full moon then walked out on the pier. We’d been together for a little over a year at that point and he had never mentioned the word marriage consciously the whole time.

    He’s hugging me from behind when he whispers, “You know I’m going to marry you, right?” I couldn’t move or breathe…did I just hear that right? I say nothing so he points to my ring finger and says, “when we get back, I’m going to put a ring right there.” Again, I say nothing. A few minutes go by and then we head back to the car. We stop at the grocery store and buy ice cream then back to the hotel.

    We are on the way out to the balcony to eat the ice cream when I stop him. “My parents have a bet about when we’re going to get engaged. Did someone win?”

    He let out a long breath that the poor boy must have been holding for an hour. “If you want them to, then yes.”

    I looked at him, nodded my head.

    I still tease him that he didn’t so much ask as tell me I was marrying him. I did get a real proposal and a ring later as he said he even surprised himself by asking because he wasn’t planning on proposing during this trip.

  15. Tina says:

    I hope the the actual engagement story is next! Even if it is just the two of you having a conversation in a drive-thru which is what my official engagement story was, lol.

  16. Kari says:

    For my birthday one year when we were dating, my husband had gotten me a massage and manicure at a local salon, dinner reservations at The Signature Room in Chicago, and tickets to Blueman Group. All in one afternoon/night! I couldn’t believe how much money he had spent on it all. The woman that did my nails was trying to convince me that he was going to propose that night. I kept telling her “no, he hasn’t gotten a ring yet.” He kept me in the loop on his searching, etc (a little too much). He wanted to make sure the ring was perfect for me, and ended up having it custom made. I’m so glad I didn’t think he was going to propose that night, because he didn’t. I brought it up to him that night too. And he said “Oh my gosh. I was so worried that you were going to expect me to propose!” He did propose a few months later, and it was perfect.

  17. Mari Grider says:

    Just bought your book!!! Can’t wait until the girls go to bed so I can bust out the Kindle!

    Yaaaaay!

    (I’m even blogging about it now on my site so my 27 followers can be as excited as I! )

    http://www.wordpress.parentingseatpants.com

  18. Lauren says:

    Similar to my proposal story, except he kept doing all these romantic things and then NOT proposing, and I was so upset and mad, that when he ended the weekend by actually proposing, I answered with “I hate you” instead of “yes”. :p It’s the perfect story now, but it was definitely a weekend full of rollercoaster emotions! Haha.

  19. Sara says:

    The line “woman-approaching-age-30-who-wants-to-get-married and have a family years” made me cry with laughter. I’m going to order your book today (I bought two of the last one). My husband still insists that we weren’t even dating that long before he proposed (4 years of cohabitation)….I was 32, I felt 132 by the time we got married & I thought my ovaries might have already shrivelled up! Three kids later….. I’m glad that I waited though. Now we look back on those first four years with a sense of wonder. We were so free! Wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

  20. Elsabie says:

    Your book is not available in the UK yet 🙁

  21. Chelsea Klassen says:

    I’m so sad! Your book is not available in Canadian iTunes!

  22. Marilyn says:

    My husband and I were together for 22 years before he proposed and we’re celebrating our 12th wedding anniversary this year. Sometimes it just takes a while. My daughter, who is 10, LOVES your first book and your calendar. I haven’t ordered your marriage book yet because I’m scared she’ll find it and I know you warned it’s not for kids.

  23. Vicki says:

    One day when my husband and I were dating, I looked over at him and suddenly could see what a wonderful husband and father he would be. I realized that THIS was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with! Since I was a kid, Id been wondering what sort of person I’d want to marry. Suddenly I knew! It was him! That thought made me so happy, I couldn’t stop smiling. My then-boyfriend asked me what I was smiling about. “Nothing,” I replied. But the problem was, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t erase that goofy smile from my face. He kept asking me what was up, so I finally told him. He said, “Umm… Is that a proposal?” I actually hadn’t thought about that part. “I guess so?” I responded, suddenly terrified of what Id just revealed to him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. What if he didn’t feel the same way? Of course he didn’t feel the same way. It was way too early! What had I done?!

    I was so busy inwardly freaking out, that I didn’t hear him say yes. And then he said it again.

    “Yes.”

    And we got married. It’s been ten years and I still get that same goofy smile when I look at him, sometimes. And he IS an amazing husband and father. I was right!

  24. Emma Kucera says:

    I spent an hour or so complaining to my best friend about why won’t he just propose ready, and isn’t it getting to the point where he’s just being rude. After 5 years, I was so mad and sad and frustrated with him! Turns out he had taken her along with him that very day to help him pick out the ring, and the two of them were in cahoots planning a big surprise for that weekend. She said it was the longest conversation of her life. ☺️

  25. Briony says:

    So weird I saw this today, as last night I was out in town and ended up at a bar tied to my similar ‘i think he’s going to propose’ story from 11 years ago this month and was reliving it to myself:

    So it was my 30th birthday but as I was teaching an evening art class the night of it (a Thursday) at the lat minute I had invited friends to drinks in a bar the following night. My then lovely boyfriend, who had been dropping hints for a while that even my friends had noticed (I think next year is going to be very busy) invited me out for dinner after my class that finished at 9.

    I knew he was up to something, I just knew, and was getting so excited about him proposing. Then my suspicions were confirmed when my boss told me I could finish 15 mins early and someone else would make sore my class finished ok.

    My boyfriend picked me up from the art school (und thought I would meet him there, but uncharacteristically he insisted on meeting me) and walked me to a cool chic bar/restaurant nearby, and he was still quite twitchy. Yes, he’s definitely going to do it I thought. He was gabbling something strange about us having a table, at the back. I guessed it was maybe quieter and more romantic.

    When he got in the back of the bar, I spotted someone I knew, what a coincidence as they weren’t from that part of town, then another, and another… Surprise! Ah, he’d organised a surprise party, and I’d nearly ruined it and confused everyone by inviting them to the bar next door the next night!

    And I was a bit disappointed I wasn’t going to get engaged that night but only admitted it to my girlfriends at the time. But had a great surprise birthday instead.

    The happy ending was he gave me as a present that night tickets for a flight to Ghana (where his family are from), on which he did propose. Although I also spent the first half of that wondering when he was going to – he didn’t do it on Valentine day at a romantic restaurant by the sea! He did it when I was least expecting it mid morning on a beach under a palm tree, having just called my dad on his mobile from the beach to (in his modern way) ‘let him know he was about to propose and would he give his blessing’. 11 years later, with 2 lovely boys still very happy 🙂

    PS – I thought I posted this last night from my phone, but wasn’t sure it had worked and I can’t find it so I hope I didn’t post twice

  26. Kaztec says:

    I am hoping that I get engaged this very afternoon. My man and I have been together for three years and have a 19 month old son. Over the last week he has made a few mysterious phone calls and this morning he announced he had organised a baby sitter for our little one this afternoon and we are going out to lunch…I am trying not to get too excited but I keep picturing how it may happen!

  27. mrswormwood says:

    So… why didn’t you propose to him?

  28. Franziska says:

    The exact same thing happened to me!!
    Holiday in the US, after a couple of days with old friends we went to a romantic trip to Tybee Island GA. Room with beach view. Night. We go for a walk at the beach. On the way down in the elevator he remarks- have you notice the wedding ring my friend? I never thought he is going to wear a ring… and so on. I was thousand percents sure he was going to propose right now, at the beach!!! But then- we made a short walk- and went back to the room!! I asked him- don’t you want to stay a bit longer outside? He was completely surprised- of course not, the break of the football game is over, I’m going to miss the game! Bam- I was devastated.
    And he was absolutely startled that I had even thought about a proposal- it hadn’t even crossed his mind!!
    3 years later, he finally proposed to me. It was romantic. That was 5 years ago- we still aren’t married…

  29. Jo says:

    Such a sad story – he didn’t need the ring. My husband proposed to me with a prop one, because he knew I’d want to choose my own. We buy into this expensive ideal of romance, created by the de Bier family to sell diamonds, no less… and look what happens. He should have gone for it anyway. I feel like this is a cautionary tale, gents.

  30. virg0matic says:

    I love your book! The sex tent story and the DIY hot tub story made me LOL!!!

  31. Staci says:

    My husband bought my ring in February. I knew because I picked it out. It was right before we started a new job together where we’d be traveling around the US. For months we traveled. We went to all of these great, beautiful places, and I waited and waited. In September we quit and moved into my parents home (they were working overseas). My parents got him a job working overseas with them. One night, in October, we went to bed…in my parents bed…and I threw back the covers and the ring I picked out was laying there on the pillow. What’s the first romantic thing that pops out of my mouth? “In our underwear???” As in, you’re REALLY going to ask me while we’re standing here in our underwear??? Anyways…of course I said yes…we got married 2 weeks later and he left 2 weeks after that. We’ve now been married for 6 years. 😀

  32. Kristen M says:

    I feel your pain. My hubs had my ring for TWO MONTHS. Every time we were together I expected it. I began to think he was having second thoughts. I was a constant wreck. Finally when I had a total meltdown, he proposed. How romantic.

  33. Mrs. P says:

    We have 2 proposal stories. My hubby (now) had been engaged before, and it happened far too quickly in his family’s opinion. So when we’d been going out 6 months, his neice was being christened. So as a joke I put a big sparkly walmart ring on my left hand and we giggled all day seeing if they’d notice. (no one did) That night laying in bed, I said “its been kinda nice being engaged to you” and laughed as I slid the ring off my finger. He said “then why don’t you leave it then?” I asked if he was kidding and he said no.
    The official engagement with “the ring” came a month or so later. I had gotten home early from work and was looking forward to dinner but he’d gone shopping. I was annoyed so I laid down for a nap. When he got home (several hours later, he wanted to show his sister the ring and get it okayed) he woke me up by hollering down the hall at me. I was super mad that he was late, and he woke me up. I came down the hall into the kitchen he asked me to sit down, and he opened the box. I felt like a complete a$$ for being grumpy!

  34. Robonanny says:

    I didn’t get a proposal ever. We’d talked about marriage since early in our relationship (actually before we started dating, which is kind of unusual I guess!) and then one day when I was in Amsterdam I got a text message which said “robonanny… or should I say robofiancée?”

    Now that we’re planning the wedding I am getting kind of sick of people asking about his proposal and having to say there wasn’t one. I should totally have made up something crazy to tell them all.

  35. Purple says:

    I love your blog. I am glad I’m not the only one to whom this happened!

  36. Juan Castro says:

    OR… he hastily and surreptitiously ordered it the next day and told you the delivery took a bit longer than expected. Tell Crappy Husband the statute of limitations has already expired and he can confess.

  37. Kristin Shaw says:

    This is making me laugh so hard – I have a friend who had a similar story, but she went on a cruise. She was so mad at her soon-to-be-fiance because he hadn’t produced a ring by the end of the trip. What she didn’t know was that he had planned to surprise her with it back at their apartment, complete with a party. Oops.

  38. sarah says:

    Haha this happened to me EXACTLY. I am laughing at our parallel lives right now: met our future husbands in Madison, made our way to CA, cohabitation for several years….I was surprised that he didn’t propose on a trip to Kauai, and then, AGAIN on a trip to Yosemite. I drank too much wine and cried in our Yosemite cabin and whined about it. Same story, he designed the ring himself and has having it made while we were on the trips. The actual proposal was much more low-key, in our bedroom after I finished brushing my teeth, but it made me happier than any ocean cliff mountain top beach sunset proposal ever could have.

  39. Just discovered your site…. and it kills me. We’ve got a similar blog going on… crappy pictures are the absolute best (we hope. because it’s all we’ve got).

    Definitely going to look into your book on Amazon…. glad it’s keeping you “not sinking”.

  40. Shannan says:

    I did a similar thing on at least two occasions, waiting for the proposal that never came. We even bought a house together and….nothing. Then one random Sunday, he surprised me by proposing with a candy ring in a cinnamon roll. He sure knew the way to my heart! lol We went and picked out a ring together later that day 🙂

  41. Maca says:

    OMG Its so funny the way you describe it! but shamelessly Ii share the feeling! haha at least they want it to make it a surprise we’ ve got to give them that!

    love your post

    Maca

  42. Oh Mandelynn says:

    This is so funny. I guess I am lucky my bf (now hubs) never planned trips in such. I would probably have a heart attack- and then crawl back from the white lighted tunnel to claim the ring that must surely have been meant for me.

  43. Lauren says:

    This blog is nothing but disappointing to me these days. I wish I could just leave well enough alone, because it’s clear that you’re done with regular blogging. But I enjoyed it so much when you were posting regularly! I’m sad to see it go.

  44. Karen says:

    We miss you! I hope all is well. Please post again soon!

  45. meghan says:

    sounds like you were pre-engaged…I remember that from IB days. lol

  46. Mary Jain Lockhart says:

    My engagement stories aren’t really interesting. Ex hubby did keep it a secret, tho. He asked me what my favorite jewels were besides diamonds and I told him I like sapphires and white gold. At work like a few months later, I went to get my drink and there was a white gold diamond and sapphire ring around the straw of my drink and when I turned around he was right behind me and asked if I’d spend my life with him. Unfortunately we got divorced after7years of marriage. Ex fiance just took me shopping one day and we looked at rings. I showed him the one I liked the best and 2weeks later he gave it to me. It took 2 weeks bc they had to make one for me bc I have tiny fingers. That ring is now somewhere in the Arizona desert. We were together 9 years and it just didn’t work out. I’m happy that you eventually got what you wanted!!!

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  49. Aiden Wagner says:

    My husband wasn’t planning on proposing when he did, but everyone else knew he was going to.
    We took a walk up in the hills near his parents house. We sat for a while and talked and watched the clouds making shadows in the valley full of wheat fields. And then he told me he really wanted to ask me to marry him, but he was waiting until he could get a good job. I told him when he asked the answer was yes. He was pretty happy about that. Then we decided that since we knew we were getting married, there wasn’t much point in keeping everyone in suspense. So we walked back and told everyone we were engaged. I don’t think my feet touched the ground once the whole way down the hill. 🙂
    Some people might not think that’s very romantic, but it was. It was so beautiful up there, and he was so earnest. I could tell that he had really been thinking. Not just about how great it would be to have me as a wife, but what he wanted to give me as my husband.

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