We dug in the yard and you will not believe what we found.
I still can’t believe it.
We found…
A worm.
His name is Link Bait.
Apparently, this is how the internet works now.
Now that I’ve tricked you and stolen your attention (SURPRISE!) let’s do an experiment. I’ll try several bullshit effective sales tricks and see if any of this works to sell my coloring book. Thank you for playing along.
Introduction
We live in an increasingly complex society. Today, more than ever, coloring books are essential. But this is not just another coloring book. This coloring book is revolutionary.
Sound incredible? This is only the beginning!
No other coloring book offers this much flexibility!
You probably thought you couldn’t afford a coloring book. But guess what? The most luxurious coloring book just became affordable.
Talk Up The Product
This coloring book is proven, tested and safe.
And don’t forget…
Low-fat, low-sugar and nutritious!
Fortifying and rejuvenating!
No additives. Safe and effective.
Chosen by 4 out of 5 parents everywhere.
Flatter the Buyer
We extend this invitation to only a special few.
Let’s be honest, this coloring book isn’t for everyone. Not everyone has elegant taste. Only the sophisticated appreciate this exclusive coloring book.
Don’t you deserve the very best?
Buy This – Change Your Life
Tired by all the coloring book choices?
You won’t lose any more sleep over coloring books. This coloring book is your answer!
Pure joy, delight and harmony. You deserve a little self-indulgence.
This is your passport to inner peace. Countless hours of contentment.
Value & Close the Deal
How can you put a price on so much value? What would you expect to pay?
Think again!
Think AGAIN!
Now, for the low price of only:
I urge you to act at once.
What have you got to lose?
Don’t wait any longer!
Buy your Totally Non-Crappy Coloring Book today! You’ll be glad you did.
———-
We really did dig up worms in the yard last summer. The rest of the post may not be as accurate.
Many of the sales lines in this post are from the book Words That Sell.
Bullshit sales copy aside, it is a good, earnest, 56 page coloring book. You will be directly supporting this site and the writer/illustrator of this site (that would be me) when you buy it, too. Link Bait and I appreciate the support!
If you are one of the many (thank you! your support means everything!) who have already purchased the coloring book, please, pretty please write a review because it looks like only six people have bought it so far and one of them is related to me.
LOL at “old family recipe”! 🙂 🙂
I liked the coloring book is not a pill!! 🙂
How could anyone pass up a coloring book that has been scientifically formulated?!?!
lol
This is, hands down, the most entertaining sales page I have ever seen.
Ditto
Agreed! If only all commercials did this I could manage to watch TV again.
Noooo! Don’t let on that humor is a good idea!
Yep.
I know this was meant as a joke, but it was just enough of a nudge to buy a copy!!
Me too!
Me too!
So sorry I haven’t purchased your colouring book but, Canadian money being worth what it is, purchasing US products becomes very expensive. Good luck and I hope your sales grow by leaps and bounds.
I’m in Australia, so I’m the same. It’s just too much to pay for a colouring book 😔
Have you tried Amazon.ca? It’s $15.22 Canadian, and free shipping for orders over $25. So if you buy two (or order like a CD or something), shipping isn’t a problem 🙂 I shipped mine to Alberta over Christmas with no extra costs or delays. And the kids loved them so win all around!
Just ordered mine! Thank Link Bait for me! I was bracing myself for someone else’s dead pet or something being dug up, much much happier with getting a new coloring book out of it! Lol
I have one. Every word is true. A stunning deal that will change your life!
Honestly, the first time I saw the list price, I was like “nope, not paying that much for a coloring book.” But then I thought – if half goes to the coloring book, and the other calf goes to keeping this blog going, I will gladly pay that. Because this blog kept me sane when I first became a mom and it was like a long lost friend having you back. The second kid is hard, dude! Maybe the coloring book will help. She isn’t really into coloring in the lines yet though. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
So, in for 2. Because we are still working on sharing.
I loved this take on a marketing scheme!!! LOL
It worked on me! I bought a copy just now. I had wanted to but forgot so this was a reminder.
This coloring book is not a pill!!!
I love everything you write, even sales pages!
Lol, I already bought my daughter your coloring book but I will leave a review when I get home later. Xoxo
I’m one of the sophisticated ones who already bought it. LOL
Yes, me too! 🙂
I seriously thought you found a skeleton or a submarine or something crazy! Totally fell for Link Bait’s tricks. I love how you are playing the game by making fun of the game.
Me too!
I put a copy of you’re book on my wishlist, hoping for a birthday prezzie.
This is the awesomest thing ever.
LOLOLOL!!! I purchased two right when they came out and love them so (originally I was just going to get one, then I didn’t want my kids to ruin it, so I got them one as well. I’m nice like that.) Anyhow, just wrote a review – cheers!!
I got my colouring book as a Christmas present and it was the most fun and cheerful gift! I love it!
i have purchased your coloring book. it is by far far very unique
I bought 3 over Christmas. So either Amazon.ca keeps different stats, or they think we’re friends 😆 Flattering for me, kinda creepy for you. I’ll have write a review (and get one for myself – none of the kids are sharing 😜).
I love the Amazon reviews! Pretty sure Gina is the relative that got it, but it’s up to 11 verified reviews! I’m herring out, but not sharing with my kids!
I already bought a book but left a review today after seeing your pitch. 🙂
I am so, so happy you have come back to blogging.
You win at the internet today, this made my day!
I love this spoof on sales pages!
I hope Link Bait sticks around. He totally snagged me.
You forgot “limited-time offer” so I’m gonna wait a little bit longer and see if they go on clearance. Just to be a shithead 😀
I got one for my girls’ Christmas and left a review on Amazon.co.uk!
I’m planning one for one for my daughter’s friends too because she giggled so much looking at it with my girls.
Karen (Scotland)
We got one and love it!
You forgot to mention the coloring book was printed all naturally using pure coconut oil!
Don’t forget GLUTEN FREE!!!
I’m buying multiples this week for gift giving!!!!
I work for a company that puts out those internet docu-series, and while I believe in what my company does, man that “value and close the deal” really made me LOL, because it’s so freaking blatant I cannot believe ANYONE would fall for it!!!!
But is it gluten free?
You forgot gluten-dairy-gmo-sugar-free. I’m pretty sure we’ll just eat rocks in the future.
But is it *Artisanal?*
You hade me at “bullshit”. 😉