Remember when I posted about adopting Crappy Dog and then ended the post “more about Crappy Dog soon” and then never posted a single thing about him? Well, here we go!
One thing people with dogs always told me (when trying to convince me to get a dog) is that dogs will help clean your floors. Guess what? It’s true.
Crappy Dog follows me around with one exception. When Crappy Baby is eating. He quickly learned that the highest output of tasty morsels are dispensed from the smallest human.
Any time Crappy Baby is having a snack, Crappy Dog follows him.
During dinner? Crappy Dog sits under Crappy Baby’s chair. He doesn’t beg or act annoying, he simply waits patiently for a crumb to drop. (Wow, I wish I had a dog back in the food tossing high chair days. You guys were right, dogs come in handy.)
So he licks the floor to clean the crumbs. This isn’t his favorite thing to lick though.
Thankfully, he isn’t much of a human licker so it isn’t that. Gross.
And of course he enjoys a good ball licking every night when we’re trying to go to sleep. We call it “snorking” as in, “Be quiet Crappy Dog, quit snorking yourself, we’re trying to sleep.”
It’s okay. He’s a dog. This is what dogs do because they can.
But that isn’t his favorite thing to lick either.
No, his most favorite thing to lick is our couch.
He’ll occasionally lick the couch until it gets damp, rehydrating and enjoying three years’ worth of food dust that is embedded in the fibers. Our couch is like the corner of Ford Prefect’s towel. Nutritious.
He is our very own steam cleaner. Our upholstery hasn’t looked this good in years.
We feed our dog. He isn’t starving. He is just fancies cookies. Who doesn’t? Also, it isn’t an obsessive type of licking, just a sometimes type of licking. Like right after the kids eat pretzels while sitting there. No armchair dog diagnoses necessary. He is just weird. Like everybody else.
I’m curious to see if people stop sitting on our couch after reading this post.