We have a couch. It’s crappy.
It’s only a bunch of years old.
You’ve probably seen it in some of my stories before, but the books propping up the right corner is a new development.
It is a well-loved couch.
So we’re sitting on the crappy couch, discussing the probability of its collapse.
Now here’s the thing. If you are sitting on a couch and discussing its inevitable collapse and whether or not it will injure someone, you have a crappy couch.
I mean, really. I don’t think we’re normal.
A couch’s purpose is to provide a place to sit.
As long as you can still sit on it, it is not broken.
Why replace something that still works just fine?
By joking about it, the shabbiness of our couch has become a point of pride, rather than shame.
And now that I think about it, this trick works for most everything.
Warning: If you come over, you might not want to sit on our couch unless you are fully vaccinated. Or maybe we could put a towel down or something.
We’ll probably buy a new cover for it, especially since I just recovered our dining room chairs and they look so spiffy. And as Crappy Husband says, “I’m not ready to give up on the couch yet.” Course when we recover it, it will involve rebuilding the frame and fixing the leg… Sigh. Maybe we should just relax on the couch. After all, it still works just fine!
Hahaha we have a crappy blue couch too! I have decided it’s not getting replaced until our kid (or in future tense kids) is older. The stuff that couch has seen *shudders*
This is bizarre: our crappiest couch was also blue! My mother “made” us buy a sectional when she came for a visit last year. I guess she’d had “enough” of that 😛 To be fair, she pitched in quite a bit for its purchase, and it’s pretty awesome, but I was prepared to sit that couch right into the carpet LOL
Our crappy couch is also blue! Very weird. It came with the house and has a rip and is clearly from the 90s (I think) but we aren’t getting rid of it because a. it is still very functional and b. the thing weighs about 7 million pounds. I think we’re going to have to saw it into pieces when it’s time for it to go. If we ever move, the next owner(s) will most likely inherit it.
Our crappy couch was also blue, after being my parents and then my brother’s and then my crappy couch it was moved downstairs for our dog who loved it and cherished it for 3 years before he accidentally ate it.
In our case, the couch part of the couch is okay, but the arm that holds up the sofa bed is broken (and propped up with a brace when we use it) (which is how we’ve been dealing with it for at least two years).
We too have a crappy couch! I blame the kids and all their jumping on it. The cushions are thin and flat, making the couch look like it is frowning.
LOL! We literally just replaced our eight year old couch. It was WHITE! Purchased before kids and then the kids came and then it was not white any longer. Felt so good to get a fresh new one, though at first I didn’t even want anyone to SiT on it, lol. I was all, Don’t touch the new couch!!! I may become one of those people with plastic covers on their furniture like my crazy aunt Janet.
We did the removable cover thing for a long time with an old couch that was fantastically comfy (like many-different-people-fell-asleep-within-5-minutes-of-sitting-on-the-couch comfy) and horridly ugly (80’s-busy-mexican-patterned-hand-me-down).
I loved that cover….and my ability to be able to throw that cover in the washing machine!
You MUST keep the crappy couch. Your kids will need something to take with them to college. (That is how I justify holding on to mine).
My aunt, a furniture hoarder if there ever was one, saved a very crappy couch (she stored it in her garage) in case her children ever wanted it. They told her over and over, “Mother. We do not want the crappy couch. We will never want the crappy couch.” Nevertheless, she was pretty upset when they both went out and bought themselves nice couches soon after college. And, come to think of it, my parents used to threaten my sister and me with the possibility that we would someday own their crappy couch, which was in our basement and was truly horrible. (1970s orange flower print!) But we both escaped. However, I still have a crappy couch … a sad black futon inherited from an old roommate of my husband’s. Maybe having crappy couches is genetic?
We have a crappy couch too! I want a new one so bad. But with four boys age nine and under and a cat, the new couch will probably go crappy pretty fast. Dilemas!
We have my parents’ couch, which they bought when I was 10… I’m 41 now. Hey, it still works too. Three cheers for sofa covers!
lol, that’s amazing! I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone using a 30+ years old couch. I mean, really using it, not a “show” antique piece! lol
I have a 60+ year old couch. The dog sleeps on it, the kids jump on it, stuff gets spilled on it. Had it reupholstered 10 years ago. Hoping to get another 10 years out of it before I have to reupholstered it again. What’s the point of having furniture that you can’t use?!
My parents had a couch they had before they moved into the house where I was born. They lived there almost 40 years before they split up. Dad now has it in his house 15 years later.
Couches (and pretty much everything else) used to be made to last so that 30+ year old frame probably has a really sturdy, solid wood frame. Look at any new couch that’s not thousands of dollars and it’s probably not build so solidly so, yeah, a new couch won’t last decades with regular use.
I used to prop up my futon (that I used for my bed as well as my couch) with a couple of cinder blocks. And most of our furniture growing up came from stuff other people left at the curb or what friends got rid of when they upgraded. We’re not very precious about furniture in my family.
We bought our TAN couch while I was pregnant with my first child. That makes it seven years old, and it is so gross. If you had a microfiber couch like me you have probably seen how thousands of people take a gross looking couch like mine and save it by spraying rubbing alcohol on it and scrubbing. For some reason that didn’t work for us. Sigh, we will replace it sometime…maybe.
this is our couch, AND the backseat of our CAR too! HA! Still runs, still goes, but we put a sheet down on the seat before ANYONE else gets in! Too funny!
Crappy kids can take the couch with them to college. Lol! Sit tight on it. A dollar in the bank is worth two under the butt. Lol!
Borrowing your new quote for our family! Haha. “A dollar in the bank is worth two under the butt.” Oh that is gonna have some versatile airtime.
My wife has threatened on many occasions, that when we get the new post potty training couch, the current one will receive a Viking burial with plenty of lighter fluid.
We look at our crappy couch as “well loved”. We’re not even thinking about replacing it until the boys are long past using it as a trampoline, dinner table, fort, etc. We have a long way to go (they’re only 2.5 and 5 yrs old). 🙂
HAHAHAHAHA!! We too have a couch that has reached epic proportions of crappy! It’s only 5 years old, but it was a cheap piece of crap when we got it. The recliners in both sides broke in under a month. The nice tan color was a really really horrible idea and is stained far beyond cleaning, so we are now on our third couch cover. The cushions have broken down so far that we have taken an old queen sized memory foam mattress topper, folded it in half and laid it across the whole thing. Fits perfectly!! But it’s still pretty far broken down. Yes, it’s still functioning and serving a purpose, but not as well as it could be. I refuse to replace it until my toddler stops using the cushions as a napkin or tissue though, so I guess we are stuck with it for awhile. I have recently become a fan of jersey knit couch covers though. They prevent crumbs, toys, and children from becoming lodged in the cracks and can be washed in the washing machine when they get too crunchy. Win, win!
When my mother in law came over after we had moved into our new house and graciously accepted some hand me down couches from my husband’s coworker, she asked when we were going to get new ones because the new house was so pretty. At that exact moment, my daughter, who was around 2, got down from the table, walked over to the couch and wiped her face, which was covered in tomato sauce all over the couch. My mother in law looked at me, burst out laughing and said “Nevermind. I get it!”
Ha! That’s perfect timing!
We had a super-awesome crappy orange couch from the 50s that we got rid of a few years back when my parents wanted to give us their non-crappy couch. Now we have a completely *meh* sage green crappy couch that we just recently had to cover with an even more *meh* crappy mushroom-brown furniture cover, because while it didn’t come to us crappy, my kids and our super-smelly mutt worked diligently until it was appropriately crappy enough to meet our standards. They overshot their mark, however. I still miss our crappy-with-an-attitude orange couch.
Our couch eats things. Recently my husband dropped the cap to his beer growler into the bowels of our couch and he REALLY didn’t want his full growler to go flat so he flipped the couch over, sliced a small hole in the bottom of the lining and pulled out ALL. THE. LOST. THINGS. EVER. Oh, and of course the beer cap. It was a very interesting experience to watch.
Our couch and chair are disgusting too. I’ve thought about asking people if they’d like a towel to sit on but then I thought they may not come back again if they thought my house was such a bio-hazard.
wine corks fit nicely in beer bottles too 🙂
We replaced our crappy couch a year ago and our new couch is already a crappy couch. We found out our landlord was selling a few days after we ordered it… So it has gone through a move. Also we found out my husband’s company was closing right after we ordered it…. Anyway, the new couch has been puked on twice in the past week. Has had juice spilled on it, has had baby poop on it, yogurt and it’s getting snags in it. It’s not even very comfortable. We
I finally broke down and got a new couch last year. My old one was horrible. I totally recommend http://homereserve.com/ for when you decide to look for a new one 😀
I have two cats so I went with the pet fabric and that stuff is awesome. It’s definitely easier to vacuum hair off of it, and to clean up cat, toddler, and baby messes off of it too.
Plus, storage! Who doesn’t need more storage?
What about taking all the legs off so Crappy Cat doesn’t get squashed?
Call it modernist style!
My crappy couch has huge holes in each side of the cushions with stuffing coming out in slow leaks. It used to sag in the middle but my husband made a new leg for it. There is a huge rip in the middle with a sad sort of flap that hangs down almost to the floor, exposing the boards, staples, and more stuffing. My parents bought it forty years ago and I inherited it 13 years ago, so it has been well used by my parent’s 8 kids and my 5 kids. We sometimes go treasure hunting in the cracks to see if we can find enough loose change to buy a pizza and find all sorts of lost items from over the years. Usually the remote too. It’s so stained and torn you can’t really even identify the pattern anymore. I think it used to be tan. Anyway, earlier this year we decided it had to go and picked up a free replacement couch that was in nicer shape. The only problem is that the “new” couch is so uncomfortable that I moved the old “comfy couch” into my bedroom and NOBODY sits in the living room anymore. Every day at scripture time all 7 of us pile onto the comfy couch in my bedroom!
that’s why there are slip covers!! we bought them before we had kids to save the couches since they were fairly new and in good condition!! $100 to cover two couches is much better than $1000+ to replace them after the boys have at them for a few years!
How funny! I never thought of the books! We too have a crappy couch, with the same end on the floor, but we didn’t even prop it up with books. I brought it up just last night…tax chexk, new couch? First one we would ever actually pick out ourselves (as opposed to being given it)??? “Why?” he askes. “So the kids can break that one too?” LOL. I’m not alone!
our crappy couch did actually injure someone, a piece of metal popped out and our nephew cut himself on it.
Thank you Craig’s list for a new (to us) not crappy couch,
I feel so much better about my crappy couch now. It only has one of the legs left, so it’s propped up at the front with blue foam blocks that came in a yoga set, and a brick at the back. I think the bright blue blocks make a nice contrast to the dark green of the couch. Shame no one else agrees.
Peach or Pumpkin cans make perfect couch legs…. and easily replaceable, too.
Crappy Couch looks suspiciously like my blue Karlstad from IKEA after years of dog and now kid all over it. The legs are kinda crooked. It has mystery splotches (banana?). We do think about buying a new cover, but…. ugh. You have to take the whole thing apart.
Bingo! That’s the exact couch we have.
We replaced our old couch about a year and a half ago– it was SO gross. First mistake was we didn’t consider that it was white when we bought it. About 4 years later it turned a lovely shade of poo-brown, accompanied by ripped cushions and down flying everywhere every time we sat down. We put it on the “free” page on Craigslist and still nobody wanted it!
As long as you have to rebuild the frame, maybe you could put boxes as the corners and have toy/book/cat spaces?
We would have held on to ours a lot longer but then the disgruntled cat made the decision for us. Cat pee smell is a great motivator.
We used to have a horrible hand me down blue couch. You know the kind with the wood across the back and on the front of the arm rests? Ugh. Heinous. And it was so uncomfortable I opted for the floor when I was 8 months pregnant. My sister and I put it out to the curb one night after my husband was asleep lol! It was gone the next morning and we sat on camp chairs for awhile. Finally husband announced he had had enough and went to buy us a new couch. Nice. Dark brown leather. Impossible to stain. Mama likes 😉
We just listed our home for sale and we’re still living in it, so i had to do some extra photoshopping to our couch for the website photos..I still don’t know why i ever thought IVORY couches were the way to go. We bought them 4 years ago and since then we’ve had a son and a black lab. Mom Fail.
My husband wanted a WHITE couch! We had 3 kids under 5 at the time. They all love crayons and felt tips! Craaaaazy stuff! (The couch is chocolate brown, BTW.)
My plan is to just replace all our furniture once our youngest is 6…
So, you’re saying I should be proud that I look like a trainwreck most days? 😛
Yes! As long as you can laugh about it.
We had a couch in college that was given to us by someone’s grandma. It had been in her basement for ages. After we used it about a month, the spring in the base broke, and the frame gave out. You could sit on it, but it was impossible to get out of — it literally swallowed you up. We started stuffing newspaper into it to keep it usable. If it starts trying to eat you, you should consider getting a new one. Until then, you are fine.
Peach cans and Pumpkin cans make perfect replacement legs and can be used as food, too.
Brilliant! Now I know where to put my paranoid stockpiling cans.
We have a crappy couch too. But according to Katy Bowman it might be better to never replace it. 😉
Ooh, that was interesting. I could totally get behind the weirdness of this, at least for a while. Though I think I’d wind up just laying down on the floor and falling asleep even more than I already do.
We have a crappy light blue couch that we keep a slipcover on because my sister kept it in direct sunlight when she owned it. It has horrible fade marks everywhere that make it look like it sat in a flood, so we call it the Katrina couch since it could pass for a couch that lived through Hurricane Katrina!! Everyone we know calls it that, too! I refuse to get rid of the Katrina couch! Most comfortable piece of furniture we own. It is made by Bauhaus and is at least 10 years old. Everyone raves about how comfy it is!
My DH is particular about the condition of the couch if it interferes with his back. Personally, I think he just sits too long and his back is reminding him to get up and do something besides watch stuff on his iPad. I have no issues with our couch! I got it chocolate brown on purpose so it shows no stains! I see no point in replacing any furniture while I have kids at home anyway.
I discovered that I can take the cushion covers off of our crappy couch and put them in the washing machine! Woot! Also I stuffed our old pillows in the tops of the back cushions to make them stand up straight again. Our crappy couch/trampoline/barf bag/fort/dog bed better last until my boys leave for college. Only 15 years to go…
I just remembered ours does that too! (Oops, but yay!)
We held on to a crappy couch (which was actually handed down to us when it became too crappy for someone else) for a year or so after our son SET IT ON FIRE at age 3. It was mostly a funding/replacement-couch-has-to-fit-in-a-small-space issue. But why replace furniture when you have kids anyway, right? Lol
we were going to replace our crappy couch with a fancy sectional…then we found out #3 was on the way. now we are buying a minivan instead. New couch isn’t happening anytime soon. I’ll just go sit in the minivan like the lady in the car commercial.
Haha! Sit in the minivan. Love it.
Se had a very nice and beautiful couch that became crappy within the years. First, it smelled, so we had it professionally cleaned. That the seats tore apart, so we had a cover over it that looked even crappier. We decided to get rid of them when it was stinky again, the cover was ridiculous and somehow there bugs loving on its gaps!! When I sawi bug i sais, look, a bug on My couch. Then i realized there were a bazillion bugs all around and callwd it quits. It lasted 6 Years. Now we have a new one cheaper couch, more beautiful, and with out gaps to be filled with bugs!!!
Let me just say this. Our couch didn’t used to be crappy.
My daughter never messes anything up. She is the angel child everyone wishes for. It is the cat with his nightmare claws. We have tried everything. Tape, claw caps, scratching toys, scented sprays for the fabric, slip covers. Nothing deters him. I see little point in replacing the crappy couch when I know it is only a matter of time before the next one is in shreds as well. I suppose we will be waiting until the demise of the cat, which with our luck will outlive us all. At least I know I am not the only one with a crappy couch!
Wait. You’re worried it might fall on – the – CAT?? And I just shared your “parenting and pet annoyance” entry with a friend. HaHA! Maybe you should just move her food/water bowls under there?
I have a really crappy couch and at the moment we are not in a position to buy a new one (bc we also have a crappy washing machine which takes priority). It has really been getting me down because I feel embarrassed when we have people over. A few days ago I decided that my daughter and I could think of it as a canvas and we have started to patch over the holes and tears with fabric and stitching – visible mending, like the Japanese do. It is actually starting to look ok – at least I hope so 🙂
Maybe you are like me. I told my hubby I didn’t have time to shop for a couch. He said “You mean you’d rather rub cracked pepper into your eyeballs.” He understands me so well!
We deliberately bought a cheap ugly couch because with three small children and a dog, what’s the point of anything else? I don’t want to have to constantly police them over a piece of furniture. Once they are old enough not to want to jump all over it, spill stuff all over it, and randomly poke things like pencils through the upholstery just to see what happens, maybe we’ll get something nice. Maybe.
My friends couch was ripped and daggy but so comfy. Again, lots of kids but she bought great fabric pieces and stapled them on. It looked beautiful!
We have a crappy white couch that has lived through a half dozen cats, three children and one giant dog – and it shooooows. It’s a sleeper sofa that no sane person seems to want to sleep on and it’s so ugly that I want to apologize for it when people come over but…. you can totally sit on it. And if you don’t mind being squished and having legs flung over you, you can sit on it with two children. And keeping it costs less than replacing it. And my husband and I have seriously different preferences on couch comfortableness. And so… it remains.
Our crappy couch has been in my husband’s family for eons. We weren’t going to so much as reupholster it unless absolutely necessary. While my husband was on deployment, my dad sat on it, fell through and a spring damn near took his goods. I thought that was the right time! And 4 years later, that blasted spring has returned.
We prop up our crappy couch with blocks from the kids!
If you took the rest of the legs off, it could sit on the floor, and there wouldn’t be a fall risk any longer!!
We recently moved and bought new furniture. Everything we bought is basically light brown “pleather” to make it easy to clean toddler and dog mess from. It’s not beautiful but it is holding up. My one impractical splurge was a patterned, cloth upholstered living room chair. Buying it was pointless I now realize because, of all our furniture, it has become the dog’s favourite chair! So now, it sits in the corner with my daughter’s play stroller on it all the time to keep the dog off! Not so cool. 🙂
Moral of the story, stick with what you’re okay with getting ruined when you have dogs and kids.
We have some well loved couches that I keep thinking need replacing, but they are just getting comfy after 12 years of use. My mom would replace her couches every 2 years. I’d come home from school and she would have dragged the couch outside and my father would pick up a new one whenever he got around to it. After a few months my brothers would drag backyard couch to the curb for the city to pick up. I think she just had a really strong desire to have a couch outside, but realized the next day a rained on couch isn’t something you’d want to sit on.
Ha! My husband insisted on buying a new couch two weeks before our second baby was born. We had numerous ‘arguments’ about it prior. (Which really entailed him enthusiastically telling me all about the new lounge and me replying sarcastically with smartarse remarks about how long the lounge would be ‘new’ for.) I really couldn’t see the point of buying a new lounge just so a new baby could chuck up on it. I should add that we ALSO had two large dogs (who weren’t trained to stay off the old lounge so were unlikely to stay off the new one) and a cat and a (then) two and a half year old boy.
The lounge had the added insult of being in a velvety type fabric (perfect for picking up golden retriever hair and not letting it go, except on black dresses and pants) and could not be scotchguarded. Sigh. Sure enough – at two days old she did a marvellous job of christening it.
We are never getting a new couch ever again. 😀
I’m so glad we aren’t the only ones who wear couches down until they are just beyond pathetic. When the Salvation Army guys refused to even touch our pathetic couch, I thought we’d hit rock bottom, and I was ashamed. But now I’m proud to be like you guys–we’ll call it “resourceful” and “not wasteful!” (PS… suede is a BAD idea when buying a couch. Every. Drop. Of. Everything. (including just water, like from every time the cat took a shower) leaves a permanent imprint.)
Our crappy couch is brown and has a matching crappy love seat. It has suffered all of the natural indignities that a couch bought with babies in mind can suffer, plus the humiliation of a rat. A chewful, aging, semi-incontinent rat.
I love that couch.
Hopefully, flipping the cushions yet again will buy us some more time together, but husbeast is making noises about replacing it when our geriatric pet is no longer.
I think I might hide it in the basement.
Do the chickens have a couch?
We had a crappy couch, but had it a long time, as it was really comfortable. It finally looked soo crappy as there was hardly any fur left on the fabric–was down to the threads, so we got a new sofa. Wasn’t comfortable, but it was lovely……for two weeks. My kids got some toothpaste from the dentist which was blue (I only buy white), and someone spilled it on the sofa. I had to run a kid some place, and when I got back, whoever had spilled the blue toothpaste decided to cut it out of the arm of the new sofa…..and there was the white batting under neath…..so we ended up with a new ‘crappy’ sofa. I did manage to buy some similar fabric and sew it in place, then used fray check, but seriously, if you have kids, I think you are pretty much going to have crappy sofas. Just pray they are comfy. That is my criteria for a nice sofa.
We had to ditch ours because it was actually painful to sit on. So glad we did! I don’t care what it looks like as long as it’s comfortable!! (Got ours at sofa u love btw… Get to pick every detail of style and have them make it, plus custom slipcover… Not sanely cheap but cheaper if it lasts longer than our previous one!)
Just inherited a new couch… Got rid of our crappy couch… Our PLAID crappy couch. Our 5 yr old daughter cried for hours over this. Inconsolable grief over getting rid of the old (unhygienic) couch. A strange day. Personally, I was happy to move on to the new (old) couch!!
What? You are supposed to replace couches? We only ever replaced couches when they became dangerous or EXTREMELY uncomfortable. And for years all of our couches were hand-me-downs, including a 35-year-old couch that went from my dh’s grandmother to his mother to us. Advice, don’t figure on getting a new couch just because your kids are beyond the food-face and potty-training stage; teenagers bring wrestling and pizza. When our first three boys had moved out my husband picked out a new living room couch and chair. I hated them, they weren’t comfortable and were impossible to clean. I was glad when they developed a mold problem while in storage and had to be burned. I’m back to hand-me-down ugly.
Pingback: Umm... hi?
We have a crappy red couch. New couches are EXPENSIVE! So this will be our couch until it sags so far down you feel like you are sitting on the floor…and maybe even longer until we replace it.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one with a crappy blue couch. And a coordinated armchair that’s been shredded by the cats.
Our furniture was inherited from my mother when she moved townhouses. It’s probably 20 years old. We might replace it when the boys are in high school. Ours are still structurally sound, at least!
Thanks designed for sharing such a nice idea, piece of writing is good, thats why i have read it
Pingback: Do Not Display Competence - Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™
Ha! We had a crappy couch too. I was about 36 weeks pregnant when my aunt said ‘this sofa is so uncomfortable…why don’t you get back new one before new baby arrives?’ We PROTESTED (new baby, new sofa and a 2.5 year old toddler didn’t seem a good idea), but she decided to buy us one. We live in a house with the living room on the middle floor (so up a flight of stairs. We asked the shop to send someone out to check they’d be able to bring the new sofa up stairs before the order was processed. So they came out, assured us it’d fit and 2 days before my due date the sofa was due to be delivered…We got rid of the old sofa the night before the new one was due. We spent that evening with me in the armchair from the old sofa (keeping to use in another room) and my husband sat on a dining room chair. They arrived in the afternoon the following day to deliver the new sofa…except it didn’t fit!!!! They sent out another delivery crew to have a go (still didn’t fit)…They brought us a sofa to borrow, which also didn’t fit!
We went back to the store and picked out another sofa…10 weeks delivery time!!! We spent another two nights on the uncomfortable, mismatched chairs. They then delivered a 2 seater sofa which did fit up the stairs.
Our second child was born 13 days past his due date (at home, next to the borrowed sofa 25 minutes before the midwives arrived but that’s another story), he’s 9.5 weeks old now and I finally received a call from the store that they’ll be delivering our new sofa on FRIDAY! After spending over 10 weeks sat on a shoddy excuse for a sofa, squashed up next to my husband, nursing our youngest the new sofa will feel like sitting on a cloud, I’m sure…and I’m sure our youngest will appreciate not getting his feet sat on every time my hubby sits down!