The Crappy Contest is closed.
1543 comments. I can’t believe it. I was hoping for a couple hundred. But, um, wow! This is incredible!
This is what happened when I started reading them:
Followed immediately by:
Just three? Crap.
How am I going to pick just three? This is an impossible task! What idiot came up with this contest anyway? Oh, wait.
I wish I could draw them all.
(But I can’t, I’ve done the math and everything. In the lifetime of this blog I’ve written 176 posts. So drawing 1500 would take me almost ten years. Wow.)
I’ll be reading all the entries over the next couple days. I will pick THREE “winners” for the month of October and the winners will be contacted first to get more details.
I also might be picking some “honorable mentions” after that because, well, they are ALL honorable mentions.
Thanks you all SO MUCH for sharing your stories!
Aw, I managed to miss this. What a lovely competition
Looks like you need some readers!
I route for octopus poop!
I don’t think anyone would blame you if you used a random number generator to make your choices for you. Good luck. There were some real doozies.
Yeah, maybe you could at least do a post where you list the ones you liked the best (because I was having HYSTERICS reading some of the comments, but don’t have near enough time right now to read all of them!)
Great idea! I wish I did have time to read all of them. Would be fun to read the best of the best. Can’t wait to see the illustrated ones!
I don’t know how you are going to pick out of literally HUNDREDS of funny stories. I was crying because I was laughing so hard!
Yes, I have visited a few times to read. There are some good ones!!
Crap! I missed it. Excited to see the winners, though!
Maybe you could give us a list of your favorites AND let people vote?
HOW DID I MISS THIS!?!? I’m like, the most faithful reader ever! And, I have like, a million great stories! Oh, and, congrats on the super success of your crappy contest.
I thought the same. BUT, I had an idea!!!:
AFTER you finish your first book, you should start another book….in which you include however many stories from this contest you wish…all crappified!!! Oh how I would buy a copy!!! I’m sure 1,542 others would as well.
Just sayin’
They sure are funny!
Darn, I was going to enter today and then got distracted by email saying that crappycards was stocked again. and then i forgot to come back and post. but I got my cards! yaaay!
crashycards not crappy -sheesh
Man I was totally going to enter my story about when my son went to get the mail from the mail box and ended up in construction pylon that was beside it. I was watching him but we had balloons on the mailbox still from a birthday party so I kept thinking he was still in front of the mailbox. After I found him screaming from the bottom of it I was thinking of how funny it would look in crappy pictures and was going to do it myself….but I have no way of sharing it. I thought I had till the end of October 1. Ce le vie.
C’est la vie
I can’t believe I missed this, and I have so many good stories!
Please have another one sometime.
Maybe all the stories can be compiled into a crappy book one day?
I have gone to that post so many times to read everyone’s stories! I loved this contest idea, it was genius.
Oh darn! I too thought I had until the end of the day today :{
I had to narrow my list of many stories down to two, so I can only imagine Amber’s challenge with hundreds… thousands? Can’t wait to read the winners.
Amber, please do this again so those of us who missed can try again!
Oh crap, I forgot to enter. My son (who was four at the time) once woke me up at 5 am to ask me how it felt when semen comes out of the penis. This, apparently, is what I get for leaving books about the human body out. My older child (who was 8) was using them for “storytime”. I told him mommy doesn’t answer penis questions before 7 am.
Penis questions should be directed to the male of the species. We were at a restaurant once when I was younger and my male cousins decided they would be little badasses and play with the fresh jalapenos on their plates (it’s texas. we randomly put jalapenos on things.) My father went to the restroom followed shortly by one cousin. As my cousin walked into the bathroom, my dad said, “Wash your hands before you handle your d**k!” Too late. The cousin came back purple-faced to the table crying in pain. My aunt looked at my uncle, lifted her hands in the air and said, “This is your territory, Dad!” Cousin #2 quickly went to the bathroom and washed his hands. Those boys are all growed-up now, and this story is still told every holiday.
There is always the option to make your own blog, even if the pictures will be more crappy-crappy and less awesome-crappy. =D
I still think, Amber, that doing a couple of posts on things that happen to multiple people would be fun to see from you.
Damn. I missed this too… it seems that you have plenty to choose from as it is!
Happy Reading!
After the month, you should just feature one HM a month so we can experience the crappy pictures to go with more of the stories.
I wanted to say that I was having a terrible Friday last week (complete with tripping while walking across a street, being late for a class, and then crying in front of my professor for no good reason besides I was having a crappy day). When I got home and started reading those entries, it turned my whole night around
I loved this contest. The entries were awesomely awesome!
Thank you Amber for the opportunity to share!
Darn it! I missed it! And I had a couple of really awful/great stories for you, too! Ah well. I can’t wait to see the winners!
Yup agree the stories were great. We are not alone!
I spent a lot of time laughing at (and sympathizing with) so many of the stories. Thanks for holding the contest!
I love love love the story about the parents being at church and how the pastor was explaining how god loved all his children, then their child let out a scream (loved the way it was described by the poster) and the pastor said “yes, even that one”. Hahaha too hilarious.
Great stories posted! Good luck picking three! I know I laughed out loud more than three times while reading. I also like the idea of a book of these stories illustrated by you.
I definitely don’t envy you – you got a ton!!
I saw your post about the contest days ago and it was already at over 1000 posts so I didn’t add anything 
Oh, i promise my stories especially the enema ones will be hysterical! Fingers crossed!
Wow, kudos to you for reading them all. I could barely get through 10 of them…especially when many didn’t follow the 5 sentence rule.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that noticed that. It was driving me nutty. That and the “two submissions per person” rule. ha!
I was watching TV with my partner the day after you had posted the contest, and kept making him pause the show so that I could read your commenters’ stories out loud to him. I finally had to call it a night after going through a few hundred. I don’t envy your job of reading them all (or secretly I do! and wish I had time to do it myself).
I think you should pick maybe the best 1,349. Just a thought. Actually, you should do a BOOK with all the ideas. Kinda like the chicken noodle soup books but with funny parenting stories illustrated! Again, just a thought.
(And you can do all kinds of books from there out- I mean just look at all the Chicken Noodle Soup books out there!)(I mean really…this might be your ticket to stardom!) (Crappy Pictures I, II, III, IV etc.) (Will shut up now…)
GAH – SO mad this only happened today!!!
No sooner did we turn my 2-year-old daughter to be forward facing in the car, than she learned what red and green traffic lights meant.
On the way home from the store, I stopped at a red light, then turned right. This sent my daughter into a frenzy: “NO MOMMY! Light still red! Red light still! Red light still! Red light stillllllllll!!!!!!!”
Despite my best efforts to explain that it was ok to turn right on red sometimes, she was completely inconsolable until we came to a green light.
Ha! I have TWO toddlers that do that to me everytime I turn right on a red! LOL
And I would have contributed this, had it happened before the competition closed. As I struggled in the door, lugging the grocery shopping, my husband said “I’m glad you’re home – I want to go to the gym [to lift weights].” Didn’t help with the groceries…..
Can’t wait to see the 3! You’ve got your work cut out for ya!
Hi Amber.
Can you not pick a story about mom/dad getting puked/pooped/peed on by a child. Seriously. Happens to everyone with children. I felt sick even reading some of the entries.. still the choice is yours. I just hope I myself won’t feel like vomiting myself after I read/see them :/
Holy COW! That is a ton of stories, I wish I had time to read them all! Definitely make a top 10?? 50?? list please!
Hey Amber, the whole idea and result was EXCELLENT. I enjoyed it so much, even the srsly srs bit. Imagination is a wonderful thing, and it is not just your sons who have it in buckets!