comparing kids’ behavior (is bad)

It is wrong to compare your kids and stuff. You know what I mean. Saying "little Johnny is a being good but little Timmy is being bad today" type comparing. I never make this mistake. In fact, I have never even thought this.

But that is because my kids' names aren't Johnny and Timmy.

Just yesterday, this happened:

Comparing1
I inform them that we are having pizza. In case you didn't know and are one of those pizza-disliking aliens who are not to be trusted, this is good news. 

Crappy Baby responds to the news:

Comparing2
With hands clasped together with joy he professes his love for pizza. I see golden beams of joy radiating from his face. I feel appreciated. I feel like a good mom for delivering this happiness. 

Then Crappy Boy responds to the news:

Comparing3
With high-pitched whines that won't stop. He loves pizza. What the hell is his problem? He continues to carry on like I told him that we are having Crappy Cat for dinner. Actually, I think he would have reacted less to news of eating our cat. Mental note: Next time, skip pizza. Serve cat. (You guys know I'm just messing with the cat people when I write stuff like this, right? It would be funny to get emails accusing me of eating our cats. They probably taste like rabbit. I assure you they are both alive and well though.)

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, comparing the kids. So obviously in the example above Crappy Baby wins. Much cooler to kick back and have a slice of pizza with, you know?

So dinner happens. Then it is bedtime. Which doesn't actually mean they go to bed. This means I force them to do several things they don't want to do to get ready for bed. 

Comparing5
I tell them the first of many steps. 

Crappy Boy reacts to this news:

Comparing6
And brushes his teeth. 

But then Crappy Baby reacts to this news:

Comparing7
And continues to react similarly to every. single. step. of getting ready for bed. Throwing toothbrushes, screaming. Running from me when I try to change his diaper. Saying he wants a book and then crying that he doesn't want that book and then crying that he does indeed want that book. All that toddler stuff.  

So this time, Crappy Boy wins for not being insane.  

Which makes me realize something. They are rarely both cool to hang out with at the same time. 

So I have a theory. 

Comparing8
I think they tag team this shit. I really do. 

That way, someone always wins. And it is never me. 

 

 

 

 

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196 Responses to comparing kids’ behavior (is bad)

  1. Kennedy says:

    Word sister. Word.

  2. kim says:

    i laugh but only because this is my life!~!

  3. Janine says:

    So SO TRUE!

  4. LMBO!!! That is one of the funniest and truest ones you have posed in a long time!!!

  5. It’s so incredibly true. I have a Crappy Baby and a Crappy Boy here as well. (18 months and 5)

  6. Stephanie says:

    Totally happens in my house with my little girls!

  7. OMG, I swear it’s true!! **lol**

  8. Kara says:

    So SO true! I’ve got three ‘crappy’ boys and between the two older boys, I swear, when one is being naughty, the other one turns into a butt-kissing monster… just to annoy me. lol

    (BTW: just discovered your blog and love it!)

  9. Audreyanna says:

    Omg, that’s amazing!!!! I think my 24 month old and 14 month old are executing the same scheme!!

  10. Layci says:

    LOL…OMG! So true! Very true! My twins have been doing this crap to me all along and I just NOW realized it. LOL!

  11. Lisa B. says:

    I am like Valerie and you – I have a 5yr old crappy boy and a 20 mo old crappy toddler and there is always the see-saw of awesomeness throughout the day. the little one naps, so two hours every day he totally wins ๐Ÿ˜‰ LOVE your blog, thanks for making me laugh, cringe and empathize, sometimes all at once!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Totally. I swear, my kids used to take turns keeping us up at night.

    But I think the cat would taste like chicken.

  13. Rebecca Fulcher says:

    Haha that’s hilarious! My mom would always tell us as kids that my younger brothers never got along unless they were plotting against her! I don’t have the luxury of kids taking turns though. I think once one starts acting up the other two have to join right in on the fun!

  14. Moo says:

    I literally laughed so hard I cried!

  15. Staci says:

    I fully beleive siblings mentally tag team on listening. It never fails that when my 1 year old is great and listening my 4 year old is cranky and destroying things and not listening…and of course then they switch…and it’s always something ridiculous! Love that the experience is shared ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. THIS is the story of my nephews. To . a . T. I think it’s more boys than girls, but I’m certain I’m only being naive here.

  17. Jessica says:

    HaHaHaHaH!!!! Great one!!!

  18. Paula says:

    I don’t know if tag team is worse or if the old parrot trick is worse. We’re in the parrot stage right now so my pizza announcement would go like this:
    kid 1 “I love pizza! You’re the best mom ever!!!”
    kid 2 “I hate pizza; it’s the end of the world as we know it!”
    kid 1 “Pizza = DEATH!!! Mommy hates us!”
    Yeah, that’s my life right now.

  19. Michelle says:

    That’s it! That’s totally it!

    By the way, I guess your drawings must still be crappy – my almost 6 year old said “they’re not very good drawings are they Mummy?”. I said well they are kind of cute. “Yes Mummy, I guess they’re cute but they’re still not very good are they” LOL.

  20. Oliviah says:

    Hilarious! I could see my toddler in Crappy Baby’s insane description! Thanks for making me laugh today ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. Jessica says:

    I have two girls, 4 and almost 2, and this happens OFTEN!!! Then the next day they are a dream (well, it’s all relative.) I DO prefer this situation to when the gang up on me together,tho!

  22. Trischa says:

    I love this post. My boys are 4 and 6 and this has pretty much been my life for the past…. four years. Even when the youngest was a baby, they would take turns with who was going to keep me up all night. I don’t know why our kids hate us.

  23. Crystal says:

    What! How dare you speak of eating the cat!

    ….Don’t you know dogs are much tastier??

    (Hee hee)

  24. Amy G says:

    I’m fairly certain that my children do this for night-wakings and terrorizing purposes.
    And then the following morning they compare notes and laugh over sippy cups of juice.

  25. Iindsey says:

    Just one time it would be nice if they were both happy at once but Noooo. Got another one on the way now so I’ve no hope!

  26. Jennifer says:

    This explains so much.

  27. Nikki says:

    So true – my boys are rarely ever “good” at the same time…. and PS – I hate cats, fry that shit up! lol

  28. Mama4our says:

    That really is true! I noticed it when I married my husband, my beloved stepchildren would take turns! Now that I’ve got 2 little ones as well, it’s the same deal. It’s a blessing really, the times when they both are acting up is maddening!

  29. rachel says:

    it is so SO true!

  30. Kay says:

    And this would be why I suspect my husband of having drug-induced delusions when he spouts off the wonders of wanting two children really close in age. I am in no way prepared to handle one crazy toddler, let alone a tag team match with two. (Our first is almost 9 months, the hubs is just flat out crazy to want another like OMG RIGHT NAO!)

    • Jennifer J says:

      No new babies until mom is ready. Period. Unless husband can have one himself, and is willing to stay home and raise it, too.

  31. Jolleen says:

    AMEN SISTA! PREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH IT LOUD!

  32. Joyce says:

    I have four kids who rotate the driving mommy crazy duties. *sigh*

  33. Laura says:

    Lol! Ohhh my gosh, I *swear* my kids tagteam each other.
    The oldest is all of 3.5 and my middle child is nearly 2 [the third, a newborn, thankfully hasn’t been included in their game yet- though her schedule of waking up *right* when they fall asleep is incredible!]… they have worked out the most incredible scheme to get into trouble- one will do something outrageously naughty, to capture our attention, allowing the other to get away with something quietly… as soon as the uproar has calmed, the initial disturber will sneak off- we follow them to find that they knew *exactly* what their sibling was doing, and snuck off to get in on the fun! AACK!

    I swear they also tagteam on the various household goings like your post. Food is fine around here, but the teeth brushing, helping put shoes on, cleaning up, ay yi yi. You never know which will pitch a fit!

    Thank goodness for coffee [says the lactating mom who is avoiding it. My sanity is diminishing!], chocolate [yay for breastfeeding!], and the hope that one day we’ll look back and laugh. You know, once our sanity really has left us ๐Ÿ˜‰

  34. Lauren says:

    exactly

  35. lizzie says:

    Haha you are a legend!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  36. Kiza says:

    Amen. My kids are in on this, too. In fact, I actually CAUGHT them at in the car yesterday. Not even kidding.

  37. Cassie says:

    I have an almost 4 year old crappy boy and an almost 3 year old crappy Great Dane. I equate it to having two children very close in age, except one talks and complains while the other whines, sheds and knocks shit off the kitchen counters with his tail. “Mom! Crappy Dog is trying to smell me!” And he runs away which makes Crappy Dog go into a frenzy of running and chasing which will eventually lead to him knocking my Crappy boy over where blood curdling screams will replace joyful laughter and I go from “Seriously, stop it.” To “I TOLD YOU TO KNOCK IT OFF!” 0 to bitch in 3.2 seconds.

  38. karen :) says:

    Times like this I am thankful for just the one crappy child ๐Ÿ™‚ However I swear he has the ratio of shite behaviour to cuteness worked out so that his cuteness only just tips the scales in his favour such that we keep him ๐Ÿ™‚

  39. Fenny says:

    I have never given birth, but I can honestly say that working with apprentices is just like parenting. And I have 60 of the little cherubs conspiring to drive me nuts.

  40. Heather says:

    Frequently only one is cool, Rarely are they both cool at the same time and far too often they are both uncool at the same time. THose are the worst times.

  41. Jen says:

    Even more fun when they’re in elementary school. ::headdesk::

  42. Shannon says:

    Crap. Boy #2 is due to join forces with Boy #1 in about 8 weeks. Why did I not consider this before deciding to add to the family?! Hahaha. Great post!

  43. Jenny L says:

    omg, Mom NEVER gets to win. Ever. Unless we’re playing “whose turn is it to pick up the puzzle pieces the toddler threw all over the living room.” Then it’s Mommy all the way.

  44. Nicole says:

    Do you have a hidden camera at my house or something?!?! hahaha!!

  45. gretasuneson@gmail.com says:

    I’m in this phase too with my 2.5 year old and almost 5 year old girls. Hilarious! I get so angry when my older daughter “taints” the younger one by declaring that something is “yucky” – then I have no change with my 2 year old!

  46. Michelle C says:

    You all realize this doesn’t change when they become teenagers and young adults, right? ๐Ÿ™‚ Mine are 18 and 20 (oh my god) and still pull stunts like this more often than not. They’re wonderful young adults, truly. When they’re alone.

  47. cindy says:

    “I think they tag team this shit. I really do.

    That way, someone always wins. And it is never me. ”

    OMIGOD! I’m laughing so hard I have tears and uncontrollable laughter. My son knows that when I read your blog I laugh. I was halfway through and he says “laugh mommmy!” I said “Oh I will. When I get to the punchline”. AND boy did I ever!!! God you rock.

  48. Jen says:

    We call it halo-polishing around here. The bigger the hole dug by one kid, the faster the other kid turns into the golden child. Every time.

  49. Beth says:

    LOL!!! I love how your crappy hubby will help with your tag team! Mine won’t, he just laughs as the crappy kids go nuts up my walls after he gives them candy at 9:00 at night… o.O

  50. Rachelle says:

    Just another reason to only have one child, lol. Crappy Baby sounds like my almost 18-month-old at bedtime.

  51. Nae says:

    It’s true, I’ve often accused my two of sitting down in the morning and working out who’s going to take what time frame and what ones they are going to share.

  52. YES. I have 19-month-old twins, and they are rarely both cool at the same time, though I think they know my sanity hangs on a fine enough thread that they had better not both be jerks at the same time, or Papa might come home to an explode-headed mama…

  53. Meribah says:

    But at least they’re not both bad at the same time! ๐Ÿ™‚

  54. kim says:

    So I’m guessing this what Bill Cosby means (in the video Bill Cosby Himself)when he says that we parents with only one child don’t really count as parents. This and the whole “stop touching me!” thing… lol ๐Ÿ™‚

  55. Misty says:

    LMAO!!! I seriously spewed hot cocoa and got is-mom-losing-it? stares from all three of my daughters at the end of the story! You are SO RIGHT!!! Hahahahaha!! Why are kids such little jerks sometimes?!

  56. Misty says:

    Oh yes. They do that, too!! They’ll even get in a one-up contest to see who can make the vein in mom’s neck pop finally!!

  57. makenzie says:

    i have this: “Should we go for pizza for dinner or go get a hot dog for dinner?” (because I’m like super health conscious and all). My little girl looks at her older brother and waits for him to respond. “Pizza!” He says. “No, hot dog!” she yells. Always making that she chooses whatever he doesn’t want.

    • Melinda says:

      LMAO at the original post and all these comments…my two do this to me aswell…my Crappy Boy is 3 and my Crappy Girl is 2…(yes I know I was mad)…but this dinnertime comment is so my life at the moment, along with a myriad of other things…if Crappy Boy’s suggestion wins (I try to alternate equally) Crappy Girl will sit in a huff and cross her arms, look at me without moving her face but I can see her eyes looking at me from the corner quite sneakily and says…”No, don’t want it”…putting 4 words together is quite impressive at her age, but why does it have to be those 4 lol! Of course I know that 9/10 times if I ignore her and put the unwanted food in front of her she will eat it ๐Ÿ˜‰

  58. Lindsay says:

    So good to know the insanity in my house is “normal” (whatever that is…). At least I know I’m not the only one! Lol

  59. JesG says:

    You’re hilarious

  60. hmb331 says:

    too funny. I have thought this very thought many times. I have also decided, when they’re annoying one another, they’re main goal is to see me flip out… it really has nothing to do with not liking their sibling. It’s all conspiracy to see me go nuts. I’ve never been much of a conspiracy theorist, but I’m pretty sure I’m spot on with this one, and so are you!lol

  61. Oh yeah. I’m quite certain this will happen to me when the baby gets older!

  62. Amy says:

    Yep, I definitely have a favorite kid – but it changes from hour to hour!

  63. hmb331 says:

    I did that with my parents. I didn’t eat ketchup until I was in middle school, simply because my brother liked it. Since he liked ketchup I liked mustard. He liked ham, so I liked turkey, so on and so on. I always listened for what he wanted so I could pick the opposite. I wanted to be my own person ๐Ÿ™‚

  64. Mary K says:

    LOL, you got that right! The same tag team thing happened during nap time today after a night of baby waking up every hour to 2 hours. I was nearly in tears during naptime and too tired to fall asleep once they BOTH napped. Thank YOU! Made my day!

  65. Sarah says:

    Yup… I have a 2 year old and a 6 month old. Between them both I’m pretty sure I’ll never get any sleep, or food- yet mysteriously I put on weight. Never. Winning. Lucky they’re so cute.

    and Cats are too stringy… dogs on the other hand… and roast cockatiel? mmmm. (kidding people)

  66. Jo says:

    I’ve got three. On occasional golden moments two will behave while one tanties all the way to the bank, but more often it just means the game gets a bit more complex… My daughter will orchestrate it.
    Golden moment: All three are quietly playing. My daughter notes this anti-disturbance and rectifies…
    Step one: “Mum, I’m hungry” (fetch snacks, all the same, must be all the same or they’ll cancel each other out and I’ll be left with half-eaten bits of everything).
    Step two: pick up the baby and balance him against my leg. He begins to complain, which means I can’t put him down for about half an hour. Sometimes 1 and 2 are inverted. “He wanted you” (he didn’t, he was happily playing with a toy until you disturbed him).
    Step three: snatch whatever my middle child has in his hand at this moment, usually the rest of the snack.
    Result: Both of my sons are now clingy and throwing separate tantrums while my daughter is smiling beatifically at me and saying “I listen mum, I’m a good girl!” Either that or she’s upped the level from moderate to extreme and joined in.
    *Sigh* Gotta love it…?

  67. Peta says:

    I love how we are all calling our children (and dogs) crappy now ๐Ÿ™‚

  68. Peta says:

    I’m with you Karen, despite only one crappy boy, I have well and truly enough shite to deal with!

  69. Heather says:

    Oooh! I hate puzzle clean-up. I usually banish the puzzles to the top of the closet after I have told him over and over to pick up…but I end up doing it an hour later anyway. Grr. Glad to know I’m not alone.

  70. Emily says:

    My 4 year old LOVES pizza. But won’t eat it. She hates eating it. She just loves the concept. The 18 month old, he loves it and eats all of it. She’s just bizarre and loves to have pizza, but just not eat it.

  71. jenthehoover says:

    i love that others are living my life ๐Ÿ˜‰

  72. Francesca says:

    Yeah I get this one too. Bad moods are catching.

  73. shanny says:

    i freakin LOVE the expression on crappy baby’s face in the last frame. pure gold.

  74. Megan says:

    Mine are 4.5 and 2 and you can rest assured it is the same situation over here.

    I’ve done worse though. I have, on occasion, overheard myself saying, “Wow, A is really doing such a great job on her dinner tonight – Look K! See how much A is eating?”

    Brutal!

    (but effective :p)

  75. Jo says:

    LMAO abstract pizza dinner. Love it!

  76. Nikki O says:

    so true. SO TRUE.

    my first daughter … she’s going to be one hell of an adult. and she is going to be one pain to raise until that point. strong-willed and spirited don’t even begin to cover her. love her to bits, of course. she’s just a thrill-ride of a child to raise.

    my second daughter … sweetness and light and happy 99% of the time. tantrums last a fraction of the time her big sister’s did at the same age. at 9 months, she is already more patient and understanding than her sister is at 3.5 years.

    but it NEVER FAILS that when the big girl is having an uncharacteristically mellow day/hour/minute, baby girl suddenly decides to be the unhappiest baby on the planet. never. fails.

  77. Janette says:

    Yes! What is up with Mamma never winning! I say we all go on strike and go to our local Starbucks to eat yummy calories and just relax. Oh wait, the family will just leave the dishes and laundry for me when I come to my senses and return, thus more work for me and thus… they win again!!! I can’t win. Plus as annoying as they can be I would miss my little cuties ….nevermind. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  78. Michelle says:

    OMG, this is my all-day-every-day life. Sing it!

  79. Myssie says:

    Tag Team? Hell Yes they do! I swear sometimes everyone is is a good mood, having fun and one of them (my money is on the 6yo telling the 2yo what to do) veers off into crazy fit land just to throw a wrench in my works.
    I picture them post fit, in the other room high fiving, “did you see the new shade of purple her face turned!? You even did the flopping on the floor thing, that was great work!”

  80. MomOfTwo says:

    So true! I have a 4 and 2 year old….same thing happens at our house. Nice to read about someone else going through the same thing!

  81. NancyJ says:

    Equally susceptible to conniving children: newly empty-nesting parents. Them: “You call Mom, I’ll call Dad. The message: we need a car at college. Are we good?” Me: “HONEY! YOU CALLED US!! Wemissyouwemissyouwemissyou! But REALLY! We’reokay!We’reokay!We’reokay! We’refineWe’refineWe’refine!! Hahaha! We LOVE our empty giant empty empty house!! What? A car?? You need a car at college… really?! Well, I don’t know, but, but… you called me! You still love me!! You love me! Of course… we’ll get a car over there soon. Next week. Tomorrow! We’re driving over tomorrow! Loveyouloveyouloveyoulovemelovemelove!!”

  82. Deetz says:

    it’s always good to know that my children (5 and 2) aren’t the only ones plotting to make me crazy.

  83. Lacy says:

    Unrelated, but must comment… Layci? I’ve never seen it that way before. I bet no one EVER spells that right. ๐Ÿ™

  84. The Lupines says:

    oh kim, you are so right….one is a cake walk compared to two little ones. i have a 10-yr-old going on 25 and a 12-mo-old, so it’s like having one plus a helper. i watch friends w/ two or three and think they deserve a cash prize. And a spa week.

  85. Sara says:

    LMAO. This is my life to a tee right now too! I feel your pain ๐Ÿ™‚

  86. Fo Sho. I think my husband is in on it too. When it is going to good with the kids, he gives me a hard time.

    It is me against them.

  87. Stephanie K. says:

    I think you’ve just figured out their secret. I have three kids. Imagine the scheduling they have to do!!

  88. Nichole says:

    Hahaha, too funny. Only because it’s so true.

  89. Joy says:

    Amen. All I can say is amen.
    Oh, and we had pizza tonight too.

  90. Meghan says:

    Oh boy, this sounds like my future with an almost two year old and a new baby. They’re already plotting against me and neither one can talk, lol!

  91. Vicki says:

    How i loved reading this….i have five at the moment, and the “tag team” theory is absolutely real. It’s frustrating here because they’re usually split 2-3 about things — so the losing team that doesn’t want pizza can theoretically keep the tantrum going perpetually if they take turns. Now, if i am willing to stay unemotional about it, and get creative, i can break the cycle…*if* ๐Ÿ™‚ …. When it’s a mom’s job to stay one step ahead, she either gets very tired, or goes crazy, or both in one great firey explosion.

  92. Jessica says:

    Nail on the head.

  93. Hope Vincent says:

    And sometimes; those scales teeter just a bit…even with just the one.

  94. Jessica says:

    I was thinking the same thing 2-3 because of my kids. It’s never 5 “Sure mom! I love you!” Usually 4 mumblers and 1 kid who sees the opportunity to get on my good side. That’s the kid I love the most that day. Teehee J/K

  95. Amy says:

    I’m down with your theory. And, with two boys of similar ages, am sympathizing right now… at bedtime. *sigh*

  96. Amy says:

    I always thought cat tasted like shredded pork (without the bbq sauce).

  97. teachermommy3x says:

    Simply awesome Myssie! Loved the original post but your comment was also a winner. I think my kids plot to see who can get my screaming to be heard by the other side of the neighborhood.

  98. Lara says:

    I absolutely LOVE the crappy pictures of their faces. You capture it perfectly!

  99. deneen says:

    in the words of the great Kennedy “…Word!…”

  100. StephJ says:

    I can take one acting up at a time, it’s when they are all fussing/whining/fighting/crying at the SAME time that drives me INSANE!!

  101. Morgan says:

    Ha! So true!! Very rarely, both are quiet at the same time and I swear, I can hear angels singing. It’s like time stands still.
    Thanks!

  102. Lynn says:

    It’s the whole ying yang thang – it’s the only way our family is balanced by being unbalanced – does that make sense? (shrugs, it does in our world)

    mom to 3 girls: 15, 7 and 2

  103. Crabby baby swatting away the toothbrush made me lol. Incredible.

  104. MelanieS says:

    And it gets no better when they are Crappy teen and Crappy prepubescent!

  105. Mandy Davis says:

    And then when Kiddo #1 and Kiddo #2 momentarily forget their evil plan, Kiddo #3 jumps in with her high pitched wail that indicates absolutely no traumatic happenings, simply that the house has become too quiet and she must remedy it.

    You rock, and I think you may be spying on all of us mommies…..

  106. emily says:

    So. Funny. High five for always seeing the good (and by good I mean the hilarity) in the rough aspects of parenting. You always make me laugh!!! Also, for the record… I think your sparse swearing is genius. It’s always placed exactly right to get the most amount of funny out. Cracks me up every damn time. ๐Ÿ˜€

  107. Brenda says:

    Yes! Now, imagine the tag-teaming with newborn twins and occasionally their 2 yr old brother waking all night long, and you have entered my world.

  108. Deanna says:

    This made me giggle ๐Ÿ™‚

  109. Deanna says:

    Congrats to you ๐Ÿ™‚ We’re due in July. Stories like this make me thankful that I didn’t get my wish for twins.

  110. Deanna says:

    Oh no worries.. there are days that the dog would look mighty tasty in the roaster. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Flame away, animal activists!

  111. Windy says:

    Glad I am not the only one who suffers from “Crappy kids, trying to kill crappy mom” syndrome. I have FIVE crappy kids. Crappy blonde girl, crappy blonder girl, crappy boy in the middle, and 2 crappy twin girls at the end to make life as crappy as possible for crappy boy who is sandwiched in between four sisters… I love every crappy minute of it. Even when the crap hits the fan. ๐Ÿ™‚

  112. Lydia says:

    Ugh. My twins started tag teaming me right out of the freaking womb. They also take turns being difficult with their older brother. How nice of them. (sarcasm font)

  113. Sarah L says:

    With three daughters, I can confidently say “Yes, you are.” ๐Ÿ˜‰

  114. Windy says:

    I live in your world Brenda…Five kids…2 girls, boy, and twin baby girls at the end. May the force be with you…I feel your pain!

  115. Sarah L says:

    Your apprentices crap on the carpet, pee on your lap, and vomit on your pillow too?!

  116. J Rod says:

    At least they’re not peeing on your pillow and vomiting in your lap! Although I’m not sure which is worse… ๐Ÿ™‚

  117. Exasperated Mama of twins... says:

    I have 11 month old twins and there is always one crappy twin. When one is “good”, meaning eats well, sleeps for more than a few hours at atime, lets me change his diaper, then the other has to whine incessantly, not eat, wake up every 20 min all night, and keep rolling away from me during diaper changes. I am not looking forward to brushing their teeth!!
    For a long while, the girl was a great sleeper and he would cry hysterically, I finally got him sleep trained and now SHE WONT SLEEP and wont be comforted.

  118. Sue O says:

    This exactly our house right now (well, not RIGHT now, but 3 hours ago). I feel your pain, sister! LOVE the way you describe it- and especially the “tag teaming” I am pretty sure my almost 3yr old boy and 18mo old girl plan these things out to drive me crazy.

  119. Sue O says:

    I seriously have NO idea how you survive with 5!! 2 feels like too many sometimes. God bless you and your crappy kids ๐Ÿ™‚ sounds like you have a good attitude amongst all the chaos.

  120. Rebecca Emin says:

    My husband once said we have three children but only two “good behaviour chips”. They share them… so this post really did make me laugh – there is always one.

  121. robert says:

    next one should be crappy dad and crappy mom taking turns…

  122. Janine says:

    I have 2 year old twins…enough said!

  123. Jodi says:

    ROFLMAO!!!

  124. Sarah Ros says:

    Its like reading about my kids. We found that we tag team then in reverse… sometimes works.

  125. Laura says:

    Hahaha, we call it the good cop/bad cop. Just discovered your blog and have been LOL-ing all over the place. I have an 8month old and a 2 1/2 year old and they already have this trick going on ๐Ÿ™‚

  126. Adrienne says:

    so funny, my “boy” and “baby” are the exact same with stuff like this!

  127. Terri says:

    So funny. I said exactly the same thing the other night when my daughter was up until 11pm one night then her brother took over the next night – they totally do the tag thing!

  128. Kinley says:

    A good parent knows how to deal with this situation and how to fix some misunderstanding with his or her kids.

  129. heatherhamadyk says:

    Were you spying on my house last night? Because this is pretty much EXACTLY what went down…pizza dinner, toothbrushing tantrums and all!

  130. Sarah says:

    Sometimes I think that you are living my life in an alternate universe.

  131. Jill R. says:

    My kids are 5 years apart in age, and I think they just automatically disagree on everything. Just on principle. Even if they both want pizza. Guh.

  132. Michelle M says:

    A friend turned me on to this blog last week – and I am SOOOOOO happy she did. I swear it’s like someone just put my life into wonderful crappy drawings!!

    I have 4 and 8 year old boys, and in the rare moments that it is quiet and neither fo them is whining or complaining, I know that they are plotting their nest moves! ๐Ÿ™‚

  133. Lisa says:

    I swear, it’s a conspiracy!!

    And, btw, you are brilliant with those drawings! The eyes! The expressions! Hilarious!! But, what pulls it all together is your writing. You are in my head!!! LOL! ๐Ÿ˜€

  134. StephanieH218 says:

    LMAO seriously cracked up out loud in my office alone at work…I’m sure they think I’m nuts. I am a mother to only one beautiful 4 year old daughter so there is no tag teaming. For me, lately anyway… it is more like having a butt plug permanently in my ass…mama this mama that. Every time I turn around she is right there behind me. I wish I had another child so they can plot and scheme together. She is the best though and I love her beyond words. It just takes some adjusting and getting used to this plug in my butt….lol

  135. Lobby says:

    I hate meal times. with 3 crappy kids there is always one that says “yuck, I don’t like that ”
    I’m even sick off them asking me what’s for dinner so I have installed a blackboard in the kitchen. they seem to think this is a bistro so I may as well have specials of the day.
    Last nights special was “Shit on a Stick” aka kebabs.

  136. carla says:

    I have long been a conspiracy theorist in that regard.

  137. Rhonda says:

    Great response Nikki!!! Im right there with you ๐Ÿ™‚

  138. Susan says:

    I have a truckload of kids and the tag team shit gets more complex with the numbers but, you are SO RIGHT!!!!

  139. ErikaMS says:

    TOTALLY! I have 3 and I get so frustrated when the older 2 lead the youngest down the “I hate this!” path! It all starts with the oldest and then trickles down! Like a waterfall of disdain for all the food options I suggest. How is it for 5 years they can love something and then one day it all changes and they hate that food!?! WTF!!! UGH!

  140. Lisacng says:

    They’re evening out the playing field

  141. Edie says:

    You remind me of the classic line from the video “Moms of Multiples are Freaks of Nature”:
    – “Which one is your favourite?”
    – “The one who is not screaming.”

    Aren’t we lucky that they take turns being insane? It allows us to sort of keep our own sanity. ๐Ÿ™‚

  142. SleepyMom says:

    Absolutely true. I’m just amazed how well they coordinate the super early wake up. I’ve never had both kids sleep late. They just take turns getting up at 5 or 6, but since it’s only one at a time I have to try and convince the awake one to play quietly, yeah right!

  143. Alicia S. says:

    This is the most hilarious and truest things I have ever read on parenting. Period. Seriously.

  144. Wendy Irene says:

    Whenever I read your posts I laugh out loud. Then my daughter laughs because I am laughing. Awesome! Thank you ๐Ÿ™‚

  145. kaybee says:

    Oh yes!

  146. Lara says:

    How do you draw their little faces and hands so perfectly? Genius!! I am beside myself with laughter! I was afraid I might wake up this little nursing baby here… I LOVE your blog!!! Keep ’em coming! You have one more loyal reader here.

  147. Cynthia says:

    So, so true.

  148. Cynthia says:

    ha ha, how long did it take you to see the flaw in that logic?

  149. MB West says:

    Kids #4 & #5 (the others are “grown” or is that “groan”) who are still at home are aged 14 and 4. They are exactly like this, despite the age difference. And I’m pretty sure cat would taste and feel like the pork in pork fried rice…just sayin’.

  150. Emily says:

    I have 28 month old twin boys and…let’s just say I don’t think it’s a theory. It’s proven fact. They tag team that shit. I hear what you’re screaming, sister. Just look at the clock and think…sweet. Only 5 more hours until bedtime.

  151. Hannah says:

    Ah, a window into the jungle of madness that is my own life…Also, I have loved Crappy Pictures, but had no idea you had another blog and I saw it and it is way cool. I too am an arts and crafter turned butt wiper, trying to find ways to maintain creative coolness while also not forgetting to feed my children (three girls, yikes). I even had to tragically sell a pottery wheel and kiln when we moved across the country last year (sob, death, sob). Anyways, love your hilarious stories that are all too familiar, but funny because it is happening to you and not me (at the moment), and keep up the craftiness, I need some inspiration!

  152. Diana says:

    Of course. Because if you have at least two children, they can NEVER agree on anything. That would make life easy. Well, easier. I am completely convinced that if my two kids actually agreed on something, the world would explode. Either out of shock that they actually agreed or having them agree would create something catastrophic. Either way, it would be bad.

  153. Amanda says:

    Wow, you nailed it again. So good to know I’m not alone ๐Ÿ™‚

  154. Kimi says:

    On a side note: When I was 4, I was requesting my dad read me the funny papers. My son? He’s requesting I read him YOUR BLOG! LOL!

  155. Cynthia says:

    My sister (nine years younger) did in fact ask me to call my parents and convince them that she needed a car at school. We really do it.

  156. Kristen says:

    Yep, this happens, oh, on a near daily basis on our house too. So much so that I think the fetus that now resides in my uterus hears what’s going on and says to himself, “NUH UH, MOM, I’M STAYING PUT FOR A GOOD LONG WHILE.” (Estimated due date is Friday. I think the first day my kids don’t tag team me like this is the day that the baby will get fooled and decide to make his debut.)

  157. Jamie says:

    “That way, someone always wins. And it is never me.”

    SO SO SO True!

  158. lezlie81@hotmail.com says:

    Mine (2 and 4) have each started telling me, when the other one is bad, “Mom, I love you.” I’m trying to think of how to explain “self-righteous” to a preschooler.

  159. Donna says:

    Letters from college days:
    “Dear Dad…no mon no fun, your son”

    “Dear Son…too bad so sad, your Dad”

  160. Jessie says:

    This was SO my life tonite.

  161. Heather says:

    With 4 kids our first house rule is this- Only one person can fuss at a time. However I think the kids have interpreted this to mean- There must always be one kid fussing.

  162. jamie says:

    You have managed to describe my life in one single post! The only difference is I have two girls and my husband isn’t as helpful! lol

  163. Holly says:

    laughin my ass off because this is sooooooo my two youngest girls! I think they share a mood.

  164. Ginny says:

    Could not agree more! I am also convinced that these meetings started when the younger child was still in utero. ๐Ÿ™‚

  165. Joyce says:

    Amber, you really should do a post about puzzles.
    Why is it that it only takes 5 seconds for Trouble Baby to pull out all the puzzles in the cupboard, but an hour for me to put them all together again?

  166. Mariah says:

    I was going to check out if anyone else had responded to the cat thing. Unfortunately, as of yet I have no children (unless I’m working on one I just don’t know about yet, hehe), so I just like to see the blog, but I think things about it sometimes.

    When I saw you said the cat would probably taste like rabbit I was like “Nuh-uh. A rabbit is an herbivore and a cat is a carnivore. It would be totally different.” But then I got to thinking: what do we eat that’s not an herbivore? Pretty much nothing. So I wouldn’t know what to compare it to. (I say this as a cat lover who just isn’t quite bat-PETA crazy.)

  167. Natalie says:

    WOW, only have read 2 of your post but TOTALLY relate and LOVE your comic words! Keep it up… you are welcome to check me out, though I am not that funny!
    http://herearemydailythoughts.blogspot.com/

  168. AmberS says:

    I bet you’re right. I bet they’re totally tag-teaming you.

  169. Jessica Smith says:

    Welcome to every.single.night at my house… my my 3.5yo and my 2yo… Oy! Gotta laugh though.

  170. Tessa says:

    LOL, so my oldest two. First off with the normal childhood phases. Daughter, difficult baby, even more difficult 1yo, TERRIBLE 2yo, and tortureous 3yo, better 4yo. Son, who is 26m younger, Perfect baby, great 1yo, amazing 2yo, 3 years old and what the ?!*^ happened to my perfect child?!?!?! Oh yeah, sister is getting better so it’s my turn for fun, (imagine an evil laugh right about now.)
    What about when you tell one not to ask again so they whisper in the others ear and he asks the question for her. AHHHH, children. We asked for them right? The stork didn’t drop them on our doorsteps……right?

  171. Robin says:

    So yes, this is me too – except my kids are 13 and 10!

  172. Chrissy says:

    my boys have a schedule worked out for waking up my husband and myself (we literally have not used an alarm clock in 5 years unless we have to be up before 5:30 a.m.). Two times we have slept in (aka past 7) and that was the two times BOTH boys slept past 7. typically, one is up around 5 or 5:30 and the other sleeps until 6:30 or 7. They take turns, and I just know, even when they were both toddlers they were coordinating (hey, you slept in today, so you’re on wake-up patrol tomorrow). Boogers. But when they are teenagers, oh yes, when they are teenagers I will have my revenge! I will be old then, and no longer able to sleep (because this seems to happen to women when they get old) and at 6 a.m. on Sat. morning I will go into their rooms banging pots and pans to wake them up and when they say “why mom, why?” I’ll say “you know why!” ๐Ÿ™‚

  173. MrsMiggins says:

    Totally.

    I have read this at least 4 times today and each time it only rings more true!! I swear I almost caught them high-fiving each other as I rounded the corner into their bedroom tonight – just after the cool one was helping the tantrum-chucker to bed after the whole bedtime debacle… uh… routine. Which was after the former cool one went mental over a seemingly lovely dinner (which was enjoyed by the bedtime tanty-puller).

    Yup.

  174. Krista says:

    Love that post – hilarious! I am already feeling that pain with 11 mos old and 3 yr old boys. Great to know there is more to come… *sigh*

  175. Greta says:

    straight up truth. we try to press brothers should be friends, a family is a team. at least they’re working as a team????
    (3 boys, 4, 2.5, 1)

  176. KTD says:

    This is my house…just add another dog, 3 cats and 2 more kids. If the baby isn’t smacking the cat (with a mouthful of cat food in her mouth) or the 5 year old isn’t chasing the German Shepherd full speed around the house squealing or the 4 year old isn’t hopping after a terrified cat trying to pet it…I know there just has to be something wrong. I know all about the 3.2 seconds.

  177. erika says:

    I’m a few days late to the party. New reader here. Love this. I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old and this is exactly how it is. I’m happy to know I’m not the only mom being tortured. ๐Ÿ™‚

  178. Lima Gary says:

    Even though I know that humor is your intention in this blog post, as a public service announcement I feel compelled to raise a serious point about an apparent love/hate relationship with a food (namely Crappy Boy’s professed hatred for pizza, which you know he loves). I myself have a love/hate relationship with many foods, which became less confusing after my MD alerted me to a book by Doris Rapp, MD: /Is This Your Child?/ The book talks about food sensitivities. Typically the culprits are not “food allergies” — which IgE skin prick tests diagnose and which can cause anaphylatic reactions — but something else probably involving other of the immune globulins, such as IgG. The stakes are higher than mood swings; Rapp’s book, and that of William Shaw, PhD, explained my experience several years earlier, in which I began /at age 25/ to have girlfriends, within a month of beginning a food-rotation diet.

  179. Matthew says:

    this is what my future has in store for me?

    My son is 18 months and we’ve got one on the way in 3 months. at 18 months he is a joy(most of the time) but i’ve been thinking a lot about how its going to be having a newborn and a 21 month old at the same time. (i’m the oldest of 3 boys/2 girls) i have an idea of what its going to be like. My wife has 1 sister, it was hard enought for her to adjust to my son and his energy level/favoritism(i’m at home with him 4 days a week), she has no clue what’s coming. ๐Ÿ™‚

  180. Sarah says:

    I laughed so hard I cried.

  181. Zoe Kunstenaar says:

    Well, my 18 month old twins certainly seem to take turns. Better than them both going off at once, I suppose…

  182. All I know is that this is a bad idea. I did not learn this from parenting school or some seminar, but experienced it myself. My older sister got the worst of it because she and my mother are now working on a distance or gap even after 10 years.

  183. Denise says:

    So true, oh my, so true.

  184. Krista says:

    I honestly could have written this… I have the same family, boys aged 3 and 2 and and two cats (they’re not black though… Siamese looking and calico) . LOL

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