It is wrong to compare your kids and stuff. You know what I mean. Saying "little Johnny is a being good but little Timmy is being bad today" type comparing. I never make this mistake. In fact, I have never even thought this.
But that is because my kids' names aren't Johnny and Timmy.
Just yesterday, this happened:
Crappy Baby responds to the news:
Then Crappy Boy responds to the news:
With high-pitched whines that won't stop. He loves pizza. What the hell is his problem? He continues to carry on like I told him that we are having Crappy Cat for dinner. Actually, I think he would have reacted less to news of eating our cat. Mental note: Next time, skip pizza. Serve cat. (You guys know I'm just messing with the cat people when I write stuff like this, right? It would be funny to get emails accusing me of eating our cats. They probably taste like rabbit. I assure you they are both alive and well though.)
What was I talking about? Oh yeah, comparing the kids. So obviously in the example above Crappy Baby wins. Much cooler to kick back and have a slice of pizza with, you know?
So dinner happens. Then it is bedtime. Which doesn't actually mean they go to bed. This means I force them to do several things they don't want to do to get ready for bed.
Crappy Boy reacts to this news:
But then Crappy Baby reacts to this news:
And continues to react similarly to every. single. step. of getting ready for bed. Throwing toothbrushes, screaming. Running from me when I try to change his diaper. Saying he wants a book and then crying that he doesn't want that book and then crying that he does indeed want that book. All that toddler stuff.
So this time, Crappy Boy wins for not being insane.
Which makes me realize something. They are rarely both cool to hang out with at the same time.
So I have a theory.
That way, someone always wins. And it is never me.