Get Your Autographed Bookplate of Me on The Toilet

The limited edition bookplates came in the mail today and I signed all ten billion* of them.

Bookplates aren’t plates. They are stickers for books. Stickers are rad. And if you put a sticker in my book it technically makes it a sticker book. My seven-year-old self is thrilled.

A special, limited edition signed bookplate can be shipped to you for free if you pre-order my book! (U.S. addresses only though. Sad face.)

The bookplate looks like this:

crappy-bookplate

(Except the ©2013, CrappyPictures.com won’t be there and instead it will have my signature.)

Yes. It is a picture of me hiding in the bathroom and sitting on the toilet. Reading. Possibly reading my own book which is actually the only embarrassing part about all of this. I figured maybe you’ll read my book in there too so we can hang out together. In our bathroom clubhouse.

So how do you get one? Simple!

Pre-order my book before March 26th.

Then fill out this form.

I know several of you have already pre-ordered and YES you can have one! Just fill out the form.

Did you order more than one book? Then fill out the form more than once.

Did you order an electronic version (Kindle, Nook, etc) YES you can have one! Hey, fill out the form!

Your limited edition, signed bookplate will be sent to you in 3-4 weeks.

To pre-order from these shops, just click the logo:

Amazonlogo      BarnesNoble_logo

bam      Walmart

IndieBound    Indigo

kobo-logo        Available_on_the_iBookstore_Badge_US-UK_146x40_0824

                                

A Note About Pre-Orders

What is a pre-order? You are simply buying the book like normal…it is just that it won’t ship until March 26th.

Why do I keep begging you to pre-order? Because it makes a huge difference to the author. (Hi. That’d be me.) Pre-order sales determine everything from how many books are printed, if and where I’m sent on a book tour and which stores carry my book. Pre-order sales also help my chances of getting on one of the bestseller lists. If I sell 2342 books via pre-orders in the weeks leading up to the book release, all 2342 books are counted as being sold during that first week after release. So the book starts off with a crowd of people reading it rather than a nervous me going “Hello? Is anybody out there?” while I bite my nails until my fingers bleed. Bad habit.

It’s huge. So throw me a bone. I’m scared shitless about all of this.

Actually, I don’t want a bone. Instead, you could pre-order and then sign up to receive your signed bookplate. That would make my day.

 

—————–

*It wasn’t ten billion. But I didn’t count.

I even bought new pens to sign with. I spent $4.93. Because I care. No really, the pens I had at home were all smeary and didn’t work.  

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161 Responses to Get Your Autographed Bookplate of Me on The Toilet

  1. Leaca says:

    US addresses only?! Le sad. 🙁 Still preordering it though, and can’t wait!

    • Fenny says:

      This is why it’s useful to have friends in the US, especially ones who come back to the UK regularly.

    • noelle baxter says:

      AAHH shucks I’m sad too as ireland outta that..maybe I could get rellies to help..can’t I preorder anyhoo from amazon uk our nearest??

    • Cass says:

      I was le sad about this too… so I set up an international US forwarding address – yey!

  2. Jenny says:

    Sad face.
    I have preordered but I’m in Australia. No toilet bookplate for me.

  3. Rachel says:

    Sad face in England too 🙁
    Looking forward to the book though!

  4. Kristin says:

    Haha this is awesome. I’m so keen to join your “bathroom clubhouse” LOL

  5. Meggin D says:

    Sad face for me too from Canada 🙁

    Maybe I’ll just draw a fake copy of the sticker in the front of my book…or is that illegal? 😛

  6. K Erickson says:

    It worked! I was going to wait until later to buy the book, but I CANNOT RESIST the lure of stickers. You dudes are marketing geniuses.

  7. Tara says:

    Yay! I just filled out the form. 🙂 I’m so excited for my book and my bookplate!

  8. Meriel says:

    Sad to miss out on the toilet sticker here in UK but have pre-ordered and you are ranked 140,858 in Amazon’s bestseller list already…

  9. Sarah says:

    Argh sucks it’s US only. Will your book be released in UK the same time it’s released in the states? (via e-book?) I NEED to read your book.

    • Briony says:

      I know there might be reason’s not to given their lack of tax paying in the UK, but amazon.co.uk have both a hard back and paperback, I’ve been told I’ll get my hardback on the 3rd of april, can’t wait…

  10. Jessy says:

    Thank you for the opportunity to get a bookplate! Now I’ll stalk my mailman for both! Starting right now, even though it won’t be in a for a bit longer. 😉

  11. Ada says:

    sad face in the UK 🙁

    I’ve pre-ordered already though and can’t wait for it to arrive!!

  12. Whitney J Mill says:

    Woohoo! I can’t wait for this! (And the book, of course.) <3

  13. Sandra says:

    Ok – the sticker did it for me. 🙂

  14. Saskia says:

    Also a sad face from Holland here, but it’s okay, looking forward to your book. You are great!!!

  15. Gracie says:

    US addresses only 🙁 i’m still pre-ordering despite that!! can’t wait to get my mits on this book and hang out in the loo reading it..!

  16. Anne-Marie says:

    Another sad UK face, but already pre-ordered the book so that should make me smile 🙂

  17. morissa says:

    are those crappy little hands or crappy little feet sneaking under the door?

  18. Christine Jacobsen says:

    How about APO addresses for those of us serving overseas? The zip code is a US zip code…?

  19. Kristina says:

    I can’t wait to read your book 🙂 I pre-ordered ages ago when you first announced that we could! If/when you do a book tour, maybe come to Canada? Pretty please? 😉

  20. Kbee says:

    Great, now I’m biting my nails on your behalf.

  21. Betsy says:

    CLEARLY Amber and the Crappy Fam need to do a European TOUR!!! folks, get your orders in, and bring Amber to Europe! Barring that, I DARE one of you European folk to organize a drop-site so Amber can just mail all of the Euro bookplates to one location and then you ship them out. Mwaaa-hahaha.
    Hubby pre-ordered on Amazon. I live in Seattle. I’m set, so I am free to brainstorm for other people!
    I showed the post “what it’s like to (not) sleep at night” to 200 people at a lactation consultants conference last weekend. They loved it.

  22. Amanda says:

    What kind of sticker mind games are you trying to play?!?! Yes…I just pre-ordered, and got to use Cash Back Reward points for the purchase so it’s kind of like it didn’t cost me anything AND I got a bookplate…WIN-WIN FOR THIS CHIC! Well…except for the $1,153 in other “stuff” (that I’m sure I TOTALLY needed) that I bought to get the Cash Back Reward points…le sigh…

  23. connie says:

    i have really enjoyed reading your blog so just pre-ordered my copy of the book– thank you for all the laughs through some of the dark days of parenting! 🙂

  24. Robyn says:

    Sad face from NZ – After your Europe tour you need to come down under 🙂

  25. Erika says:

    Just ordered 3 books! 1 for me and 2 for friends.
    Can’t wait! Thanks Amber!

  26. Marieanne says:

    Sad face in Paris…. come on over! Hit Paris then loop through the U.K. I will meet you in person at the Eiffel Tower to get a rare Bathroom Bookplate!

  27. Lisa says:

    Can’t wait to get it!

  28. AngieG says:

    I have had your book on my Amazon Wish List, so I just went right ahead and pre-ordered it. I didn’t know that helped the author out, so I’ll do that for all my favorite authors from now on. I can’t wait to read your book! I love your blog!

  29. Woolies says:

    yay, just ordered. I also shared about your book on my FB page. Because I think everyone should probably read this. I’m sure they will make a movie of it very soon. I wonder who will star in it?

  30. Rebecca says:

    Another sad face from NZ too (but yes to a Down Under Tour!!)!

    Maybe you should open a shop on Etsy and sell Crappy Stickers! I’d totally buy them for my daughter – and then spend the next 10 years finding them stuck all throughout the house 🙂

  31. nickol says:

    Hold right on because i desperately need a bookplate with tiny hands coming under the bathroom door. Ill be back to fill out the form after I order my kindle copy!

    Its also more polite than my drawing might be, because I would be saying something like Go Away! Im pooping! Which may or may not be true, but in spite of that, i dont think you ahould have to tell someone to get three minutes of peace in the stupid bathroom.

    • Monica says:

      hahah.. that just happened to me this morning and I said that exact same words “Go away, I’m pooping!” ok only I said it in Afrikaans “Gaan weg, ek bollie!” and it happened to be true.. 😉

      Sheesh, I have ONE son, we have 3 toilets in the house and he INSISTS on coming to the one I’m in. And he’s 8 yrs old.. I thought by now it would most certainly stop!!

  32. Bree says:

    Glad you explained abt pre-orders…happy to help another mama! I just pre-ordered 7 and attempted to submit the bookplate form 7 times on my “smartphone” while my toddler naps in her carseat. Not sure it worked correctly, so, sorry if I accidentally submitted too many. (And if I sent too few, may I please have 7?) Thank you so much! Good luck 🙂

  33. Abby says:

    Sad in Manitoba, Canada. We like stickers.

  34. Karen B. says:

    Totally ordering.

  35. Elizabeth says:

    pre-ordered mine March 7th – and wow! I get a crappy bookplate!! Yay I am SO excited! 🙂 Thank you Amber, may all your hand cramps be worth it.

    Go ahead and trim those nails! It is probably better for you to not have fingernails if your hand is cramping from all the signing….

    gotta get those muscles ready for the book tour! 🙂

  36. Laura says:

    I’ve never pre-ordered a book before but the bookplate was too irresistible.
    I first found your site when a friend shared the Spanx post. I laughed until I cried and then laughed some more.

  37. Melissa Duenes Lindberg says:

    Pre-ordered! Can’t wait to see it Amber! How exciting!

  38. Abby says:

    Oh. We also like books. That’s the more important part. Your book, to be specific.

  39. NSmeds says:

    I pre-ordered mine on Feb. 1st!! just filled out the form for a bookplate yay!!!

  40. Anne-Marie says:

    Looking forward to being bathroom buddies!

  41. Kari says:

    I filled out the form twice, because I’m awesome and pre-ordered one book for myself and one for my sister! 🙂 So excited to get them in the mail!

  42. teagansmomma says:

    pre-ordered book-check!
    filled out form-check!
    impatiently waiting for the book to get here-check!

  43. Kami says:

    I preordered the book and filled out the form! I can’t wait for both of them! LOL!

  44. Michelle Wheatcraft says:

    I ordered two books – one for me, just to giggle and reminisce, and one for my daughter, mother of my adorable granddaughter and maker of those memories she will one day reminisce. So I ordered two book plates too. TIA.

  45. Jessica says:

    Your personal advertisement is starting to work on me. I’m pretty close to pre-ordering. The only thing holding me back is the fact that I don’t read books often. I do have a few months before my husband gets back from Afghanistan, so maybe an ebook would work for me since I keep running out of TV to watch in the evenings and I could read it while Skypeing with him. Almost there.

  46. Fenny says:

    Even though I’ve pre-ordered a copy in the UK, I may well have to pre-order a US copy and ship it to my handy friend, who comes back on a regular basis. She forgot to bring my Goldfish soup this time around, so she will have to remember that and a book (and a book plate next time).

    I’m wondering whether I can legitimately offer anyone else her services as courier, or whether that’s pushing things too far.

  47. Nicole says:

    Yay! Stickers! I was just going to order the book later, but getting a free bookplate in the mail made it worth preordering. (Plus, I had NO idea that it made a difference for authors.) Soooo excited to get the book.

  48. Katie Roulin says:

    I am literally in love with you. I have a husband and a pretty cute little boy. But you, I love you. Someone showed me your blog before I was even pregnant and I thought it was so funny. Now one horribly awful pregnancy and a 19-month-old devil later, I like it even more! I pre-ordered and can’t wait. In case the internet comes to a crashing halt and we’re all forced to read real books again, I’ll be ready.

  49. Aliya says:

    I was kind of hoping you were going to say you signed all the book plates while in the bathroom. But that’s a bit weird/creepy isn’t it? I also am apparently a sticker sucker because Even though I’ve been WANTING to pre-order your book I didn’t actually do it until you posted this. There was probably a sudden influx of orders for it within 1/2 hour of you posting this. Yay! I’m excited to get the book! Happy Birthday to me! (My birthday is in August. But one of my friends gave me a gift card for my birthday and I finally decided to use it for this book.)

  50. Sonja K says:

    Pre-ordered without the sticker…. if your writing wasn’t so good, I’d feel totally ripped off 😉

    Can’t wait to get it, eh!

  51. KJW says:

    Preordered from Australia through Amazon.

    Sounds like you’re on your way to being a best seller! Well done… I’m looking forward to seeing your book as the blog makes me laugh on a daily basis. 🙂

  52. Erin says:

    I, too, had your book on my wishlist, but the sticker pushed me right over the edge into pre-ordering. So excited to get your book! I just noticed that you’ve moved up to # 5091 on the Amazon Bestsellers list!

  53. TeeDub says:

    Ok, bit of a dilemma. What if you pre-ordered the book to your current address, but will be moving before the bookplate is set to be sent out? In other words, I’m moving at the end of the month so I will receive the book (via Amazon), but won’t be at that address when you send out the bookplate. Can I fill out the form with my new address to receive the bookplate? (Obviously the sticker is important to me!)

  54. Just downloaded the sample from the iBookstore. Hilarious stuff so far! Can’t wait to read the rest!

  55. Michelle says:

    I am also from Australia. I preordered via Bookdepository.co.uk which has free shipping to here. I hope that still counts towards print numbers lol! I would pay postage to have a signed bookplate sticker – any chance? 🙂

  56. Done 🙂 Gift for a friend too 🙂

  57. Kim says:

    When I saw the title and first couple of lines I had to look at the picture quickly as I thought it would be of you … you know … ‘sitting on the toilet’ doing your business, dress hiked up and all.

    LOLOL. Glad to see you’re decent!

  58. SherylM says:

    Filled out the form twice, once for my iBooks copy and one for the paper copy for my daughter! Thanks!

  59. Victoria says:

    Not in the USA so can’t get stickers (damn, would love one) but just so you are feeling the international love, earlier today I ordered two, one for me here in Argentina and one for my bro in Indonesia. I am determined to spread the crap right round the world (so to speak). Very excited. Now just hoping the post system doesn’t steal it like it does half my packages. One day I should REALLY post myself some crap, that’ll learn’em. Anyway… clearly the bathroom image has me inspired. Yay for your book.

  60. marissa says:

    I’m in the US… Really the powers that be should send the sticker internationaly. Your readers totally deserve a sticker.

  61. Julie Greenwood says:

    I preordered three. One for me, two for gifts.

  62. Lisa says:

    Tried to pre-order for iPad but not available in the NZ iTunes Store. Why??? Prob won’t EVER be available 🙁 tried to switch to US store but apple ID only valid in NZ. Help Amber!! Release it everywhere!

    • Anne says:

      I had the same problem, so have ordered the ebook through Kobo, which is compatible with your iPad, just download the Kobo App, then buy the book from the Kobo website. Might also work with Amazon. Good luck!
      And a big boo! To NZ iBooks.

  63. Leslie says:

    I have been a big fan for awhile- just ordered seven so I can share your genius with friends and family. My baby sister is pregnant with her first – I am going to give hers with a note that she’ll find it funny now, but FREAKIN HILARIOUS in about two years 🙂

  64. Jill says:

    Ordered my book AND bookplate!

  65. Deborah says:

    Very sad Canadian face 🙁 but I pre-ordered from Kobo anyway. Only 13 more sleeps!!!!!

  66. Rachel says:

    Thanks, I can’t wait!

  67. diana says:

    You’re gonna make it to the bestseller list, no question! Been following since you started this blog. Thanks for the much needed laughs.

  68. Stefanie says:

    Thanks for the nudge to preorder! Stickers rule! You are up to #1704 on the Amazon Bestsellers Rank! Keep climbing!

  69. Melissa of craftgasm says:

    If it’s possible, I’d be happy to be a re-shipper of international book plates for the cost of postage. I don’t know if the Google form can be amended to add an address line for where you’d like to have your bookplate sent (so people overseas could input “care of [my name and address]”), but if so let us know, Amber!

  70. Bob says:

    For New Zealand fans, why not consider using NZ Post’s new service called ‘You Shop’. You can get stuff sent to a US address where it will be sent on to your NZ addy. (For a fee of course!)

    Just go to the NZ Post site and look for ‘YouShop’
    Bob

  71. Felicia says:

    Okay, this was the kick in the pants that I needed. I just preordered my copy! Thank you Amber! 🙂

    P.S. That kick in the pants may result in more time spent in the bathroom!

  72. Monica says:

    Finally found your book on kalahari.com here in South Africa.. can’t pre-order :'( but I certainly added it to my wishlist!! CAN’T WAIT!!!

  73. Sarah says:

    I pre-ordered a while ago, no sticker for me either but am waiting for the European book tour – if of course by then Greece is still included 😉 The Acropolis is worth the detour…

    PS: May/June or September are the best times to come

  74. Kerry says:

    Pre-ordered on 2/1/13. So long ago I had to double-check and make sure I had actually done it! And yes, yes, I will be reading it on the toilet with my toilet bookplate, with my kids’ fingers poking under the door yelling “MOM!!?!!?!” Can’t wait!

    • Kerry says:

      Annnnd you’re up to #89 in Books on amazon.com and #5 in Parenting Books, and #12 in Humor Books. Rockin’ it!

  75. Anne says:

    In the interests of sharing the crappy love in Switzerland I’ve asked my local bookshop to stock some. So heres hoping!

  76. Ashley Brown says:

    Girlfriend (can I call you girlfriend??) I have been telling everyone I know about you! I was planning on ordering your book when it came out, but who can resist a free sticker? You can check one more pre-order off the list. Keep up the awesome work! =)

  77. Nicole says:

    I just ordered 3 books via Amazon and 3 stickers. I hope you get to sign books in Atlanta. I can’t wait to read it and laugh!

  78. Shannon says:

    CONGRATS on the Parents magazine article! So exciting!

  79. Rani says:

    🙁 I think I was too late, at least I will have a new book soon to perk me up.

  80. Nanasha says:

    I totally think you should do a kickstarter- it would be amazing and you could probably get a lot of support that way too! 🙂

  81. Helen Beaufort says:

    I just preordered your book and saw that it is ranked #98 on Amazon.com bestseller list right now, out of ALL books!!! That’s fantastic, well done Amber!!

  82. Victoria M says:

    Just pre-ordered my book, and requested my bookplate! I’m getting excited!

  83. Brenda says:

    pre-ordered and claimed my bookplate! Can’t wait to receive it. GL with your launch. Bet you’ll be #1!

  84. wendyleigh says:

    yea! so excited for this Crappy book 🙂 pre-ordered 3 copies, one for me, the other two for my best friends 😀 we love this blog, and now we get stickers for our books… love the logic, sticker + book = sticker book 😉

  85. Callie says:

    We have this saying in my office. We use it when we complete a task that was way too fun. “BAM. DONE.” Seems appropriate for this task too! Congrats on this book!

  86. Kim says:

    🙂 Stickers are just too fun, and I’m ordering for a couple of friends too- what great Christmas presents. Yes, it’s March, but how cool will it be to give them an autographed sticker in Dec when the book is #1? 🙂

  87. Linda says:

    I have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut, and pregnancy is THE most exciting news to tell. But the one question that helped in figuring out who to tell I was pregnant, before that magic 12 weeks (although I would probably wait until 20 weeks if I’d do this again…) “Who would I be ok with telling the pregnancy didn’t work out?” It made my list of people to tell VERY small… But all the important people knew right after we did.

    • anonymous for this comment says:

      I told my boss before I told my mom (because we were setting up teaching schedules for the semester I would be due, and I kinda had to.) She must never know.

  88. Heidi O says:

    Okay, you talked me into it! I was planning to do it anyway, just hadn’t gotten around to it yet…

  89. Laura Rainier says:

    I pre-ordered last month and CAN’T wait! 😀 And now I can’t wait for my sticker… woohoo! And… your book is #81 on Amazon’s bestseller book list, #5 in parenting books, and #9 in humor books! Way to go!

  90. Shana says:

    I just preordered your book… The book will be great and you rock! That is all.

  91. Tanya Marlow says:

    I have preordered the book – but I’m in the UK (sad face). Do I get a virtual gold star?

    I think this may be the first time I have written here but I have been lurking for a while. These last few weeks I have worked my way through the entire archives. (Not in a stalkerish way, you understand).

    Very excited about the book. It’s gonna go HUGE. 🙂

  92. Kim says:

    Ahhhh yayyy! I pre-ordered your book and now I’m getting an autographed bookplate? What could possibly be more awesome?

  93. Koree says:

    I just want to say good luck! I started following your blog last year when you won the blogger award. I immediately found several posts that described my life so closely and were so hilarious that I fell in love and bookmarked your site right away. You have seriously helped me cope with life as a parent of two…in fact I found your site just after my son was born last summer and things really got tricky. I have gone back and re-read several posts, and even found great ideas while lurking in the comments section. There is a positivity around this site! Thanks for the good laughs and the knowledge that my feelings are shared with others! I am not alone! 🙂

  94. Ann says:

    I just pre-ordered from amazon, can’t wait to read it!

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  96. New PENS. Not new penis. GAHD-where’s my brain? I only need to buy $14.83 more to qualify for the FREE Super Saver Shipping, so I’ve got it IN MY CART. Any suggestions? I guess I could probably buy a lot of pens for that. That’s pens, not penis.

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  98. lenore says:

    Others may have posted this, but in case this idea reaches more people I’ll risk a repeat: I ordered through IndieBound to have the book come to the AWESOME local independent bookstore in my neighborhood, and was able to select in-store pickup. By then the weather should be good enough for me to walk there with my daughter! So if you have a local independent bookstore, please consider supporting them, as well as Amber, with this purchase!

  99. Kylie says:

    I pre ordered but I cant for the life of me remember when so my date was very approximate! I hope it works anyway. With or without the sticker I’m so excited for the book. I like to hide from my family and read your blog, its like therapy! Haha.

  100. Briony says:

    So, I pre-ordered on amazon.co.uk, because I want the book anyway and plan on showing to all my friends that I rave about your blog to, so they know what I’m going on about.

    Now I know you said only US adresses only, but… my husband is going to be in SF at a conference next week, any chance I could get my signed book plate mailed to his hotel, or is that just too early and not part of the plan for your well oiled book launch machine?

    I thought of you today as my ‘quiet moment doing my thing’ on the toilet today involved the nearly 2 year old coming to join me on his potty, then once he’d peed he wanted to sit on my lap, then the 5 year old obviously heard us chatting and felt left out so decided to start hammering on the outside of the door…

    But, the good thing is, I was at my god-daughter’s christening today. A few months ago her mom, my best friend, was in a massive stress potty training with her nearly 3 year old starting to stammer as a result, and I introduced her to your sponsor Jamie and her ‘Oh crap potty training’ and in 2 days he was sorted and happy! She has also introduced it to all her friends in Bath as she thinks its magic.

    • Briony says:

      I just read the bit about filling in the form, so I’ve done that, hopefully you can check the pre-order on the .uk site. Can’t wait…

  101. Maria Gura says:

    Yay! I just pre-ordered your book! I really wanted the bookplate… hehe!! I’m finally using a giftcard that I got from christmas!

  102. Tatiana says:

    Sorry, very silly question: are signed bookplates personalized? Just thinking what name to put in forms if I order for my friends as presents 🙂

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  104. Layne says:

    I snuck in my pre-order under your deadline. Well, actually, I snuck on as part of my sister’s order..hehehe. Got the form sent in..yay!

  105. Jessica says:

    Have the bookplates been sent out? I’m beyond excited to get mine!

  106. Gabriella Rotkowski says:

    Carpal tunnel syndrome, caused by nerve compression in the wrist, is another possibility to consider. The most typical symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome are pain in the wrist and tingling and numbness in the fingers, but hand spasms may also occur. If you experience spasms in other areas of your body, such as the upper arm, neck, or face, this could indicate a more serious neurologic cause, although this is relatively rare.;*’*

    Our favorite blog site
    http://healthwellnesslab.comfa

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