Eating. Eating is good. I like to eat.
At the offering of good food, I've always been one to stuff myself.
This is what it was like to stuff myself before I had kids:
My stomach would hurt! I'd feel like I was going to burst!
And now, this is what it is like to stuff myself, after having kids:
My stomach doesn't ever hurt or feel like it is going to burst.
It just stretches and expands.
(He then asked me if it was going to be a boy burrito or a girl burrito. Clever little stinker.)
Anyone else?
——————
Hi. I'm here to bug you again. About that little voting thing. Two days left I think?
You can still vote for this blog for Funniest Mom Blog.
Why?
I'll quote one of the comments I got because she uses math and that sounds smart:
"Here's why I voted for you even though they make you register (argh!).
It takes 3 minutes. Seriously. Three.
You've given me more than 3 minutes of entertainment.
Here it is in math form:
my 3 voting minutes < the pleasure you've given me
And THAT'S what we call a win!"
-Beth, Five Kids is a Lot of Kids
So yeah. Go vote for Parenting. Illustrated with Crappy Pictures!
Amber, I really love your blog. I had checked it like one moment ago, and God knows why I refreshed it, to see a new post up
Keep writing, you rock gal!
ps. Tried voting for ya, the darn site wasn’t working. will try again!
Soooo glad I’m not the only one.
Voted! Love your blog, I always know I will get a great laugh when I read it! (:
Food baby! I currently have a pancake baby in my stomach.
I defiantly voted for you as your blog is astronomically funnier than the other’s on the list! My son is only 8 months old now, so it’s always good to have an honest, refreshing view of what I have in store for me
Im glad Im not alone… I thought for sure I was crazy when I thought I actually looked pregnant after eating! Only for me, it’s not even when Im stuffed, I could just drink a glass of water! My body seems more than happy to expand.
Oh my gosh yes!!! LOL
Yeah, I definitely feel you on that one. LOL. I voted for you. I’m in love with your blog. You remind me that it’s okay to laugh at myself and at life
Please never stop blogging!
Boy or girl?
Voted for you too. When do you find out if you’ve won?
Please do a Crappy Picture about car seats, nice prepared dinner that no one eats, showering while being watched, throwing balls in the house and trying to get your toddler dressed in the morning. Thanks! Have a great weekend!
I voted!… and I think it only took about 2 minutes. Whew, 1 minute left to spare to write a comment!
I love your blog, it always brightens my day!
Pizza baby here. I already have 3 boys, let’s shoot for a girl this time.
LOL!!! that is so me
I’d like to have that “Mama?” logo image on a t-shirt.
this IS my favorite blog. 1548 votes, and in a much deserved lead
I am towards the end of my first pregnancy right now and noticed that the more I eat, the more likely my belly button is to stick out a little.
Ah have tried to vote 3 times now but it keeps saying there is a problem with the site try again in a few minutes ( that was 2 days ago). Will keep trying – hope no-one else is having this problem? Good luck
You mean you have a chance to eat? Between getting up and down from the table and the girls asking for me to share I feel I never get to eat MY food! Great weight loss program in theory. So why arent all moms super slim?
Ha! My girlfriends and I lovingly refer to that as a snack baby. I’m pregnant with our second, so I have to keep reminding myself that now, in fact, there is a REAL baby in there
haha, I love those ‘before and after kids’
There’s an idea – how do you shop now after kids, I mean clothes, shoes, smth fancy for yourself!? or is it only for your kids? I find myself buying kids’ clothes more than they need, and I have to wear my jeans and sweatpants and baggy t-shirts for ages…
Haha, yup, yup, yup, yup, and yup! Toddler universals apparently (though being watched in the shower is minor compared banging on the door and trying to get in….)
Love your blog! Also having trouble with the voting website, will keep trying. I hope it’s down because of the landslide of votes coming your way!
@Caitlin, is it a boy pancake baby or a girl pancake baby? Hahaha
Thanks for the awesome Blog Amber. Its as if you’ve taken the words out of my mouth. Gosh, is seems that we all go through this crap hey. My little devil will be 3 tomorrow…that means its the last day of the terrible two’s right? RIGHT??? Say yes dammit!!!
Kathi, I’m giggling at the “throwing balls in the house” because a mention of that is in the post that is going up tomorrow!
Oh, that IS a good one!
So I just started reading your blogs and they are sooo funny and ridiculously tru, i may actually work off some of my giant – “hot chocolate and peanut butter toast” i just woofed down baby
cant laugh to hard tho not just a workout ill get…bahahaha
Yes. Tomorrow when your 3 year old wakes up they will be a changed kid. Always say please and thank you. Never tantrum. Go to sleep at night (for the whole night) without a single complaint. Yep. That is exactly how it happens! In our dreams. (& happy birthday)
Hahaha totally relate!! Luckly my little girl is not old enough to talk yet
Tried once again to vote but site is down…Still
I voted! Only took one minute to register because I didn’t think they needed to know the names and birthdays of all six of my children :0)
Has anyone else noticed this get worse as the day progresses? I wake up all, “Hey, I don’t look too fecund today! My stomach is almost flat.” Breakfast doesn’t help the cause, but it’s still a cute little first trimester issue. After dinner? 5 months along, 3rd pregnancy. At least.
I’ve tried to vote 3 times now over the past week or so. Nothing doing, the site hates me. I trust you will win even without my vote, however!
Now if you’ll excuse me, the chocolate brownie baby I’m currently digesting requires me to nap.
seriously!!
I love it…except I can’t quite relate yet. I’m still trying to figure out how to eat with a baby. Mine’s 6.5 months old…and he LOVES food and cries and cries and cries if you don’t feed him whatever you’re eating, and ALL of it. So I don’t eat till he goes to bed…and by then I’m so famished that a food baby can’t show up, my body begins absorbing it the moment the first bite reaches my stomach. Teach me your wisdom! I’d love a food baby!
I’m totally that way. Wake up and my jeans fit perfectly, by dinnertime, I’m into yoga pants.
It’s sad when you have to plan for that, too. I went to a wedding last weekend and when shopping for a dress, I had to keep in mind that I’d be wearing it after dinner, so it couldn’t be too snug.
OMG I thought I was the only one!
…just found your blog… it’s really funny! I’m not registered on Parents yet but will vote for you when I am.
I swear, babies didn’t like to be around me when I was pregnant. I joked that it’s because I looked like I had already eaten a few babies.
Or maybe it was because I was a hormonal ticking time-bomb, and they could smell it on me.
LOL! So true. I even had the expanding gut syndrome (or food baby) before pregnancy. I think it’s actually gotten better since then, mostly because I rarely ever get a chance to stuff myself (see the comments about how many times you have to interrupt your eating to serve the fam). My special trademark trick is to wear a loose dress for Thanksgiving so I can eat and eat and eat without having to pop my pants open after the meal(s).
Please do a post about the shower (when the inspiration comes of course): the pounding at the door, screaming, in desperate tears; the trying to talk and negotiate through the closed door with the fan running – having to stop the shower midway to make it clear, once again, that this is alone time for Mom; the toy cars being sent under the door to tempt the mommy to come and play (mostly when I’m going to the bathroom, not so much the shower); the opening the door to come in and talk and then leaving the door wiiiiide open so all the warm steam gets out; etc…. do you need more ideas?
I ask myself the same thing!! I forget to eat alot of meals, usually several days in a row (Epically when I was breastfeeding, cause when baby was asleep I had to do an express too!!) Maybe thats way I lost so much weight in first 8 weeks!! lol (Only to go and put it on again
) Now my little girl has learnt to stand up she follows me around then when I finally sit down she stands herself up and annoys me until I put her on my lap. If I was eating on couch I would move her down futher but now she has learnt to walk across…. Just can’t win!!
I am having problem too, and by the look of some other comments other people are too, been trying since yesterday morning
oh my! This is so me!!
This is me too! My boy has done this since he was 5 mos old. Kept telling him he wasn’t supposed to have solds but did he listen? 10 mos old now and we can’t have a meal without feeding him the same stuff (and right now, dammit!). Thank god for the little handgrinder…
yup; retail therapy used to involve dangly earrings! now? alligator rain boots sz 7!
Thanks for the great perspective and belly laughs Amber! I almost always pee a little reading your blog. I’m trying to vote for you also, but the site won’t let me register. Bummer. I’ll try again asap.
so glad i can blame my belly on the baby! also, yes, tried to vote too & site not working – but as with your mathematical fan, i figured that the crappy registration was worth the belly laughs i get from your crappy blog daily (i read old ones if you don’t post)
Hee hee – it’s SO true. I was just examining my vegetable-stew-baby-belly and pondering this very thing…
And Beth’s summarization in math form finally did it for me. Happy to vote for you! She was right, 3 minutes on the nose.
Oh boy…three’s were the worst! Four’s not any better. Five is tolerable. Six is a dream!!! I keep saying to my daughter “i love 6-year old Mayson”. It was tough, but worth the wait!
Unfortunately that looks like a baby belly is there even when I haven’t just eaten now…so my 6 year old just asks me “Mom, why are you SO fat?”
yes! me too! i vote for “mama?” t-shirt!
I love the before & afters…I just had my shower & thought about my poor legs before & after…blue & red veins not so attractive in real life, but great for crappy pictures!
I love your blog, will try again to vote, I hope you win!
I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS YESTERDAY!!
What the heck is that all about?! It is not enough that we had to get all huge when there was an actual baby in there?? Now we have to look 4 months pregnant every time we eat even the smallest meals!
It is ridiculous. and totally unfair!
I totally remember that feeling! But you may not pop the turkey timer! I didn’t, though it was a very near thing.
My hubby totally has food baby syndrome… although not as pronounced as mine… We have chicken pot pie in the “oven.” It was yummy
And I’m going to be adding lasagna next! dinner time!
I start my day with a safety pin to hold my pants up. By the end of the day, they fit perfectly – no pin needed!
LOL @ your burrito comment. So true, and so unfair.
omg. My 5 yo said goodbye to me before I left for the hospital to have the baby by saying “next time I see you you’ll be skinny again!” Much to his disappointment, he came to visit me looking fat as ever, despite his little brother being out and about. “Do you have another baby in there still????” Nope. Just fat. I told him it was to feed the baby
I voted for you because you have made me feel better! It’s so nice to know I’m not alone in things like having way too much crap in my purse and car!
Voted for you & TucsonMama; to paraphrase what the lady said “3 minutes < value received”
When I was pregnant with my fourth (and last) baby, the then current youngest was four years old. When we told her that that there was a baby in my belly she got very serious and said in a quavering, tears-imminent voice, “You *ate* a BABY?” LOL!!! I laughed so hard that *I* cried! Now, however, I get the food baby thing, too. To make it look worse, I just had a hysterectomy last month and my belly is still a little swollen looking, especially at the end of the day. I love my after dinner pants!
Oh I know, I could eat a whole damn large pizza by myself now if I wanted to. And every time I eat until I’m full, I look like 7 months pregnant again for an hour >.<
Things get really dicey again at 12, sorry.
So this is what I get to look forward to?! My children asking me if I’m having another baby?
“No honey it’s just the burrito I ate for lunch.”
“Oh Mommy is it going to be a boy borrito or girl borrito?”…
Children….
This is exactly what happens to be and then my kids come up and rub my belly like there is a baby in there and then I have to explain to strangers that no I am not in fact pregnant but not I need to go eat my feelings.
It’s a never ending cycle.
I thought it was only me. I end up regretting certain outfit choices based on what I had for lunch. In the morning I look great but by the evening I look like I had a rapidly progressing pregnancy.
I haven’t lost my “baby fat” yet. . . and he turned 21 on Tuesday.
Sorry Sharna. Whoever made up that “terrible twos” crap never had a three year old. Terrible twos, horrible threes, and f***ing awful fours
My stomach is TERRIBLE since having my 2nd child (daughter). It also looks like I’m pregnant during the entire PMS week, unless I suck it in with all my might. Separated stomach muscles have ruined me! Oh vanity of my youth!
and I should clarify and say that my daughter is 4 1/2.
Sniff!
Haha! I have the same food baby problem. After a decent meal I look about 5 months pregnant. Also my four year old was kind enough to lovingly point out to me “Ha ha mummy, your bum is wobbly and it’s funny”. All I could do was say thanks.
Oh – and the bum comment – of course it’s during the being watched while trying to have a shower moment. Glad to know ot the only one with a child that won’t let me shower in peace!
What is this eating thing you speak of? Oh you mean when I finish HIS food for him that he begged and begged me to have, then took one bite and wanted something else?
I think I have at least twenty burritos in my tummy permanently, oh dear
I am right there with you, thank god I love them, they have ruined me
Like you, playing with the kids usually ends up with me on the floor almost comotose. When my two year came over and played the ‘drums’ on my belly and laughed at its jiggle, I was mortified and motivated at the same time. Where do those belly muscles go after being prego!?
You get to eat? My 4 month old has a sense of when I’m even thinking about putting food in my mouth. If she’s playing quietly, suddenly she needs my attention. If she’s asleep, she’s suddenly awake. She doesn’t seem to understand that if I don’t, eventually she won’t be able to either.
Toddlers getting dressed? So yelling, screaming, squirming and running away, right?
Good job, ladies! That’s the way it’s supposed to be for some kids. My first wouldn’t touch solids til he was older. My toddler? Started solids at 4mos. At 6 mos, it was “chickpeas, pickles, olives and eggs” all day. Now he’s 2.5 years old and the only thing he won’t eat is applesauce. I watched him devour 5 slices of roasted tomato yesterday. With garlic. Food is good! you’re all doing great!
Your blog is my new favorite thing in the world and I’m telling everyone.
Ok- Beth’s logic was mathematical and did sound smart. I went ahead and voted for you. And then came back to comment. You are a.w.e.s.o.m.e.
Yup, I’m finding the three’s are much harder than the two’s. And I have TWO three year olds!
Voted for you from my rural kitchen in Ireland. (Sounds lovely but at this moment I’m enjoying the vista of a cow’s backside.) It takes a lot for me to fill in one of those irritating online forms but you have made me grin too many times not to feel like I owe you one. If i wasn’t so impressed I’d be dead jealous. Carry on young lady.
holy cats, woman, i swear you are spying on my life!
i just was noticing this yesterday after eating… sigh. and also, i did recently make my son’s birthday cupcakes with trader joe’s mix. i also have 2 kids and 2 cats. are there hidden cameras in my house? thank you for making me laugh! 
(and, yes, i voted.)
Me too…maybe Amber broke it cos she’s so popular!!!
I look forward to all your posts and pictures and then I leave them up on the computer for my husband to read. I’ve heard him laugh out loud. You capture such true moments I think we all recognize. I also voted for you, not being to resist after realizing that I too have enjoyed your work for more than 3 minutes.
Thanks, Amber. I’m pulling for you.
LOL! my son said the exact same thing to me yesterday…darn kids
Chipotle is my favorite thing and when I was pregnant I was frequently told that I was having twins. One baby. One burrito.
mmm I could totally go for a burrito baby.
So funny.
Ha, I must be having twins because there are two hot dogs in there right now (you are never too old for pigs in a blanket, right?)
My brother and I knew that after dinner, my mom would go lay on her stomach on my parents’ bed for 15 mins because she was “flattening her belly back out” ROFL
Oh so painfully true. Makes me want to take a pregnancy test every time I eat pre-bedtime oreos…
-Just came across your blog…LOVE.
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